Do you ever want to scare people who upset you?

I’ve been contemplating sharing thoughts with my therapist about this but wondered if anyone else with BPD has similar thoughts.

For the most part I very much dislike people mostly strangers and acquaintances but especially if I feel they’ve upset me or misunderstood me in anyway. The way they move, talk, eat, speak, smell annoys me a lot. I don’t desire to interact with strangers or anyone who is not what I call grandfathered into my life. Sometimes I have to interact with strangers or college administrators etc.

I don’t have a job right now because lately I’ve been even more agitated being around people.

Sometimes after interacting with strangers or acquaintances who I’ve had an upsetting interaction with I think about emotionally torturing them by stalking them and calling them and scaring them. Sometimes I think about kidnapping them and just being verbally abusive to them and not feeding them. I enjoy these thoughts.

I’m a fairly small female so I wouldn’t actually be able to kidnap anyone and I know right from wrong. I also wouldn’t actually want to deal with the stress of covering up a kidnapping I just like to have the thoughts I don’t want to act on them.

Sometimes I look up addresses of people like in the college admin or an employer I interviewed with and I look at their houses on Google maps so I can get a better visual of stalking them. I like that I can look up peoples addresses and they have no idea that I’m doing it. I get it’s creepy but I still like it

Anyway my utter despise for others is affecting my ability to work so I guess I have to figure this out. Not sure if this is a BPD thing but I don’t really fit the criteria for anything else and my current therapist is still agrees with the formers that I have BPD with paranoia. I haven’t shared this part yet because I feel like I’ll get locked up or something but I’m likely going to tell her because she seems like she can handle hearing some creepy stuff and not freak out.

Anyone else feel this?

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Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

No I haven’t thought of such things. I believe such individuals who think in this manner need deeper psychological care. And I hope your therapist can help you attain that.

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I think the desire to hurt others who hurt us is natural and understandable. Yes, I feel this way, but I’m still of the mindset that it’s better not to act on it, however - in no small part because some of these people get even more pleasure from seeing you get so angry, so you end up even worse off.
I get how frustrating and unjust it can feel, though, not being able to make them “see” what they’ve done to you/others.

Thanks for the response. I’ve spoken to my therapist who didn’t really see any issue with these thoughts since I wouldn’t act on them. She basically said it’s likely due to feeling a lack of control in a situation especially considering I often feel the about people who have power over me.

I agree that these types of people like to see others hurt by their actions and I think that’s what escalates my thoughts because the more upset I present it seems the more aggressive and rude they treat me.

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Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

My therapist sees no issue with these types of thoughts.

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Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

once I got the feeling it was actually happening to me by a guy in america. it got to the stage where I asked everyone I met (even if I knew they wern't him) are you such and such?

scared me for nights on end, even though this guy hadon't left his country for 42 years.. that, and he was no where near me anyway

as for would I do it?

I've thought about various stuff and had a thread here a while ago about my thoughts on the subject. like you, I don't think I'd do it in reality, but sometimes it's tempting

That is really interesting that this happened to you because I was stalked and impersonated online for 4 years and it was very traumatizing for me it changed my entire life honestly I'm not the same person anymore because of it. I never found out who it was but my therapist did say it was interesting that I wanted to do something similar to what happened to me.

I wonder if there is some relation to being a victim of stalking then wanting to stalk others.

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis