[iscreamparty]

I see why the suicide rate for veterinarians is so high

[iscreamparty]

I have the day off, thankfully, to get my eyes checked and go to therapy later on. I think I'm going to become a yoga instructor when I'm done with this godforsaken place which will be precisely on November 10th

I'm getting tired of being alone. There is this big void in my heart. I want to love. I really am a very affectionate person. Just a little damaged, and working on it. I think quitting is a really good step for my mental health. If I didn't have the greatest coworker in the entire world, I would probably have PTSD from my job.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm the worst human being to ever walk this planet. Everybody wants me gone, so I will just slowly disappear.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm not going to therapy Friday. If she calls wondering where I am I'll just say I'm too busy being sick and homeless.

[iscreamparty]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I'm the worst human being to ever walk this planet. Everybody wants me gone, so I will just slowly disappear.

I'll kick their butts

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by iscreamparty

I'll kick their butts

[stahrgeyzer]

Giving today another chance only bc I'm too afraid to go to the forest to fade away, at least for now.

[iscreamparty]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

Giving today another chance only bc I'm too afraid to go to the forest to fade away, at least for now.

Forests are lovely for escapes, not fading away.
Proud of you

[Blue_Bird]

Haven't posted in this thread in a long time. A lot has happened since then. I got a job at a retail place a little over two months ago, it's my first job. I'm a cashier and also a talent recruiter. So the talent recruiter portion is me interviewing people, choosing which one's would be a good candidate for employment and giving their application to the hiring manager to be hired, and also running job orientations and training for new employees. I had this past week off due to needing to take time off for mental health but I go back in tomorrow. I'm also volunteering with the cats at the cat rescue place. I stopped for awhile because work got in the way but now I have a set schedule at work so I can volunteer at the cat place on Tuesdays. I am doing better in terms of mood swings, but still struggling with impulsivity, such as spending too much money, and quitting my job last week (I got it back immediately because I explained that I needed the week off for medical reasons (basically I was burnt out, extremely stressed and feeling impulsive so I called to turn in my resignation but I called the next day and let them know the medical issue (aka mental health) wouldn't be long term so I can be back Monday. They said that's great and I could have this week off. I'm honestly glad to be going back tomorrow though because I feel kinda lost without the structure and sense of purpose. So yeah.... my main goal now is to NOT impulsively quit my job ever again. That one time was a mistake and I'm glad I recognized that quickly and that they were glad to have me back. I still have my position and don't have to reapply or anything beause they hadn't processed my resignation by time I called back to tell them I could be back in Monday/tomorrow. Never doing that again though. I feel stupid for having done it in the first place.

I'm also still taking violin lessons and those are going well. And still in a relationship, my bf and I have been together 7 months now, we had dated previously like 10 years ago after we graduated from the same high school but just started dating again 7 months ago.

[stahrgeyzer]

Life's been too hard lately. I'm just so tired of this intense overwhelming feeling that I'm always hanging on by a thread. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just let go and go to the forest. It would be very cold in the winter. Feeling trapped with no options.

I'm professionally diagnosed with BPD among other disorders but it's what I've always scored the highest in online tests, by a long shot. Even though it's slow here I'd like to post daily check-ins.

[stahrgeyzer]

...actually that's not true. I just looked at my online test scores and I score highest for Avoidant Personality Disorder, and my T also diagnosed me with that. It seems like such a rare disorder that I rarely think about it.

[stahrgeyzer]

Feeling very stressed and worried about my future. Very soon I have to leave this airbnb. It's a zillion times more expensive than I can afford. The next airbnb I already paid for put on my credit card is about half the price. It looks rundown but at least it's in a safe neighborhood. It's a bedroom and I have to live with two guys which makes me very very nervous. I just have to remember the best lesson and gift every given to me by my best friend ever who past away. My kitty cat. She showed me what strength and calmness is

[stahrgeyzer]

Last night was horrible. That's all I'm gonna say about it.


I don't know if Avoidant Personality Disorder is rare. It's just that that part of the forum here is very slow. BPD area is kinda slow as well. Why did I have to get disorders that are so slow in forums. And I was diagnosed with DID which is another slow forum. But I was also diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. It's kinda slow area of the forum as well. How can I have so many diagnoses????????????? I resonate big with avoidant personality, bpd, and DID. Not so much with schizoaffective disorder.


I want so much to just let go of everything and go to the forest but there are so many intense fears. Fear there might be an afterlife. Fear of loneliness. Fear of the pitch dark winter coldness sitting in a tent night after night with mountain lions and bears. But at least the Sasquatch people are incredibly nice to me. I sound crazy but they are real.

Not sure if this is part of my bpd but I still have this overwhelming out of this world intense desire to help the world. At least something didn't die in me, yet. Probably the most painful death was when I lost my spirituality cause by overthinking and anger towards this reality/world. Just feeling so dead. I remember when I used to write volumes for all of my social media About me sections. Too much passion, perhaps. And now IDGAF anymore about anything!!!!!!


Sorry for ranting

[stahrgeyzer]

I just heard a voice say go to the forest. People associate voices with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder but I know it's also BPD and of course DID.

Wish I knew what to do...

[stahrgeyzer]

Just posted this in avoidant personality disorder area but there's nobody there and since this might be a bpd trait thought to ask here if anyone is gonna spend christmas and new years alone. I try so hard to avoid people but then when forced to encounter people (banks, stores) I talk their heads off.

Idk it's pretty slow here as well

[MuddyBoots]

I have no clue what my plans for Xmas and new years will be. I don't even know where I'll be living at the time. I hope to be outta here. I mean it's not like I have any friends or family to spend it with. I'm a fking alcoholic/drug addict so Im supoosed to stay away from bars and clubs, although honestly if I'm not in sober living by then I'll probably just end up drinking anyways, alone/hidig from my roommate because he doesn't allow it.

My dx's are slow too. Schizoaffective as well (but I post in bipolar because that's my subtype and sometimes I'm dx'd with that instead because some docs insist my psychosis is substance induced and not real schizophrenia). BPD (though that's kinda bullshytty because apparently the person that diagnosed me with that only looked at 6 months of my record and I've been in an 8month long mixed state). Adjustment disorder (which isn't even a freaking subforum). Bulimia )There have been no posts in the last 365 days in this forum"). And addictions which speeds and slows.

[Victoria'smom]

Right now I'm just diagnosed with scizoaffective bipolar type and maybe PTSD. I've neglected to send my records over because I've been diagnosed with everything under the sun. I'm weary I'm going to get dx with BPD again. It's the sh, eating disorder, drug abuse, trauma combo that makes me think they're gearing up for this dx. Yet again and the referral to the PTSD clinic. We'll see.

[Blue_Bird]

I printed out the printable workbooks that came with my kindle DBT workbooks I have so now I can use them to make copies of the worksheets and do the exercises in them. There's like 3 packs of worksheets and chapter reviews, one is 63 pages, one is 60 pages and one is 30 pages. Yeah I printed ALL of that out last night lol I'm trying to work on it everyday throughout the day. I feel like it would be helpful for me especially since I have a history of trauma and BPD.

I'm kind of proud of myself because the other day I started dissociating badly. I managed to pull myself out of it though. It took a couple hours of watching shows/movies, and playing games to distract myself but after that it dissipated and I felt a lot more grounded. Typically the only way to pull myself out of them is going to sleep because it seems to reset my brain. But I'm glad I was able to do it this way.

I had my volunteer shift today with the cat rescue. It went well. I didn't feel like going mainly due to me being lazy and tired and I get anxious on the bus, I was thinking about backing out but I managed to push through it and get myself there and back. So I guess that would be the skill opposite action, doing the opposite of what your emotional impulses tell you to do.

Trying to meditate daily, journal, and exercise. And get out of the house more. I've been dealing with some agoraphobia so it's been difficult to get myself out. There's supposed to be a carnival coming up either at the end of this month or in August I forget when but I'm going to that. I'm also going to an adult coloring night at my local library later this month.

I have a violin lesson on Tuesday. Looking forward to it. Have to go pick up my meds tomorrow and the Vitamin D prescription so I can finally start that.

My diagnosis is Schizoaffective disorder bipolar type but I did have a history of BPD in the past I just don't meet the diagnostic requirments for it anymore however I still struggle with it on a daily basis I just do a decent job at controlling it now over the years with a lot of work

[jmariah001]

I was diagnosed with BPD a month ago. I am doing okay. I am new to this. I see that this thread doesn't post too often. I will start a new one and introduce myself. Hopefully that will stir some interest.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by jmariah001

I was diagnosed with BPD a month ago. I am doing okay. I am new to this. I see that this thread doesn't post too often. I will start a new one and introduce myself. Hopefully that will stir some interest.

You're probably not "new to this," just new to the dx. Same struggles, just a better idea of how to get better