Does this make sense for BPD?

I know no one's going to answer this because this subforum's dead, but I'll post it anyway because it's food for thought for me and maybe, just maybe, someone out there has a response.

Anyways

Is it a common thing for people with BPD to have someone with strong personality as a favorite person, repeatedly? Someone with solid, even rigid, opinions, values, and personality traits?

My first serious partner was a hardcore socialist and engaged in a lot of activism, very charismatic, loved Tool and Rammstein, was a fan of hallucinogens, creative, amongst plenty else.

Another FP of mine was a counselor at an IOP. Health-fanatic. Anti-drug (I was clean/sober for the four months we were on good terms with each other--longest I was substance free at the time). Into yoga-hard core. All of these she was very strict about and you could tell it was all ingrained in every inch of her being.

Now my partner, similar to my first similar partner, has very strong, but limited traits. Their whole personality is basically libertarian ideology, cooking, listening to 70s-80s jazz, and being an instigator for kicks and giggles.

Now of course I've adopted, so to say, these opinions/behaviors/interests as I have with pretty much everyone I've obsessed with over the past. I know this is because of the lack of sense of self and sorta using others to create my own identity. Is that why I like people who are more a lot of little than a little of a lot? And when I'm left to my own devices I think of myself of a lot of a little?

Firstly, thank you for responding to my thread the other day. Your words meant a lot to me.

As for your thread, as far as I know people with BPD tend to get involved with narcisstics... now I'm not saying your friends/partners are, but clearly they're very opinionated. You seemed to have answered your own question, in saying that you gravitate to these people because you don't have a strong sense of self. While this might be true to some extent, you might also be genuinely interested in the things they're interested in.

I have an idea and I'd like to know what you think... what do you think about getting a list of needs and also a list of values and start identifying what your needs and values are so you know what they are in a more concrete way BEFORE getting into a relationship with someone else? And revisting those needs and values list every so often as they may change over time.

I think this is something I need to do for myself actually. How about you?

I'm going to do an internet search for "list of needs" and one for "list of values" to help me get started.

Definitely a good idea.

No clue what my needs and values are though right now. I'm hardly fulfilling the basic needs, talking lowest level of Maslow's Hierarchy. Every time someone asks me my values and I don't have someone to give me a good guidance on that I just kinda say "uhhhh..." and try and remember a list of values I once saw and pick out whatever sounds good at the time, and it's never the same thing twice.

Yeah, it's a challenge... I'm just going to concentrate on one thing, I think... otherwise, it can seem overwhelming especially when one is so down with depression.

You need your basic needs met on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs before you can think of anything else really. I hope you get those basic needs met soon and have some stability in your life so you can feel safe...

I know as having BPD myself, I got stuck with narcissists. Thankfully, now my husband is the opposite...very kind and understanding. But, having BPD, I don't feel worthy of him.

It makes sense, my husband is the opposite also, very kind and understanding (all here are worthy although it probably doesn't feel like it)