Helpful, Not Helpful - what we wish friends knew

ShaggyChic_1201 · Jan 31, 2012 at 07:26 PM

I'm so glad that we have this forum now!! Thanks Doc John.

I'm finishing up my partial hospitalization for Ed and will move onto IOP Thursday. One exercise that was very helpful was called Helpful, Not Helpful. It's a way of letting our friends and loved ones know what they do that helps our recovery or hinders it.

I can only think of some things, so thought together we might come up with a list.

Helpful -
-coming with me to the grocery store if I need support
-not commenting on diets, calories, weight or trying to solve my/the world's problems from meal prep to 1 hour after my meal is done
-talking with me about the meal AFTER I've eaten it ... if I want to

Not Helpful
-making negative comments about my therapist, doc, nutritionist or my meal plan
-commenting on how much or how little I'm eating
-telling me that skipping a meal is ok
-skipping your own meals in my presence

I'm hopeful you can help this list grow!

Bub

(ps 55 days b/p free!)

ickydog2006 · Jan 31, 2012 at 07:57 PM

Good job Bubs!

These ones are helpful to me.

Helpful: Not letting me go to the bathroom after binging
Not suggesting places to eat out that are high calorie or buffets

kristi4816 · Feb 02, 2012 at 05:16 PM

helpful - letting me say "I feel fat" without invalidating this/me
- asking me questions about the illness as if I am an adult or if I need to be called on something, do it in question fashion, not attack mode

not helpful - backing me into a corner
- letting me get away with thinking I can handle a buffet. (I can get so I actually believe I would be ok with this.)

It's funny, my best friend deals with anorexia & if she does the 1st one, says "you are not", things like that, it's ok, but if someone "normal" does this, who at the very least knows I struggle with body image, it upsets me.

Thanks for this! I am sorry we deal with this, but it's good not to be alone....

Slippers · Apr 05, 2012 at 06:06 PM

This thread is super helpful! TY! Keep 'em coming!!

Horsepenny · Apr 07, 2012 at 07:01 PM

I agree with you kristi! When someone invalidates you saying that you feel fat or look fat it doesn't help, it sounds not genuine.

Helpful: telling me I look good when I try to look nice.
Not sharing my eating habits with other people.
Congratulating me when I eat healthy.

Unhelpful: telling me to slow down when I eat.
Commenting on the calories in my food.
Telling me that being on a diet is useless.
Telling me that it's useless to care about my looks when I'm only 17.
Thinking that just because you looked up bulimia on the Internet you know more about it than me.
Attacking me when I skip a meal instead of talking to me calmly.

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Helpful, Not Helpful - what we wish friends knew

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ickydog2006 Poohbah Member Since Dec 2004 Location: NM Posts: 1,455 19 83 hugs given	Jan 31, 2012 at 07:57 PM #2 Good job Bubs! These ones are helpful to me. Helpful: Not letting me go to the bathroom after binging Not suggesting places to eat out that are high calorie or buffets __________________ God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
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Slippers Member Member Since Mar 2008 Location: Truro, MA Posts: 298 16	Apr 05, 2012 at 06:06 PM #4 This thread is super helpful! TY! Keep 'em coming!!
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