[MtnTime2896]

What does a close and stable relationship with a parent even look like? Honestly, I'm curious because I can't seem to see beyond this darkness that's consumed my perception of family. "Love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage" (Slipknot, 'Snuff'), and I barely know what it's like to actually have the real thing. My relationship with my fiance is really good, but only because he has the patience to deal with me not understanding that he isn't going to hurt/leave me. I still don't understand why he sticks around and doesn't at least hurt me. I don't get it.

So, please, tell me what love is suppose to be, because I can't seem to see beyond tragedy and rage. Tell me what it looks like.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

What does a close and stable relationship with a parent even look like? Honestly, I'm curious because I can't seem to see beyond this darkness that's consumed my perception of family. "Love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage" (Slipknot, 'Snuff'), and I barely know what it's like to actually have the real thing. My relationship with my fiance is really good, but only because he has the patience to deal with me not understanding that he isn't going to hurt/leave me. I still don't understand why he sticks around and doesn't at least hurt me. I don't get it.

So, please, tell me what love is suppose to be, because I can't seem to see beyond tragedy and rage. Tell me what it looks like.

I had a truly loving parent/child relationship with both mom and dad til mom died when i was 12. Things turned to crap on a stick after that so I know both sides of the story. If you truly want to know - I can and will talk to you.. but I will warn you, sometimes it's best not to know. It's easier to not miss what you never knew - and just know yourself to be a survivor...than to know what it is you lost.

Your decision though.

If you want to know - we can talk here or in pm. But ... truly, make sure you are ready to know before you reply with a "yes i want to know"

[MtnTime2896]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I'm sorry for your loss.

It's been 30yrs now. So, technically - everybody says I'm sposed to be "over it" and "move on". I don't get how to do that when my world changed so completely in a split second and nobody noticed when I blamed myself for years afterward.

I have asked how - many a time - even counselors. The only answer? "Just let go"

So - thank you for acknowledging - even with what seems a generic response. Any acknowledgement is better than "get over it, move on". Truly - thank you ❤

But - I didn't say what I did to you out of some sort of silent anger or trying to steal the spotlight - it was a genuine offer. My mom was the centerpiece of our family - when she was gone, so was the stability of the foundation it was built on and love was barely recognizable. So I can tell you how it feels from both sides. I am one of those "rare people" who are "lucky enough" to be able to relate to everyone involved. But - I know the pain of the knowledge, and its a heavy weight to bare. A lot like Pandora's Box. Everyone wanted to know what was in it - til they knew - then they wished they didn't. So it's your choice.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

PS I did not mean you meant your statement in a generic way. Just that the statement itself is often used in place of anything heartfelt even by those who know you.

[MtnTime2896]

You're good, Crypts.

A lot of stuff has happened to me, even before memory. I can say that everything was finally and officially shattered when I turned eight. My two grandmothers, like your mom, were my family's centerpiece. Once they went, so did any good thing that kept my family somewhat stable.

You don't get over a parent's death, so people need to shove off in telling you to do so. You get through it, not 'over' it. I wish people understood that. Both of my grandmothers were like parents to me because my actual parents were already pretty hostile and/or absent. When they went, a piece of me went with them.

Any time you need to vent or talk or whatever, I'm here.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

You're good, Crypts.

A lot of stuff has happened to me, even before memory. I can say that everything was finally and officially shattered when I turned eight. My two grandmothers, like your mom, were my family's centerpiece. Once they went, so did any good thing that kept my family somewhat stable.

You don't get over a parent's death, so people need to shove off in telling you to do so. You get through it, not 'over' it. I wish people understood that. Both of my grandmothers were like parents to me because my actual parents were already pretty hostile and/or absent. When they went, a piece of me went with them.

Any time you need to vent or talk or whatever, I'm here.

Thank you for understanding - though I do need to say I am sorry you can relate. Nobody should feel pain like that ever. And thank you for validating me too - you have no idea how long I've needed that. You actually brought tears to my eyes - the kind I would have if were hugging in person over this subject. ❤ thank you

[MtnTime2896]

I'll send some more hugs to you, friend. Anytime you need me, I'm here.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I'll send some more hugs to you, friend. Anytime you need me, I'm here.

I am here for you too my friend.

*hugs*