dear mom and dad

Sep 24, 2017 at 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

It could just be another fiery hell. Just rise from the ashes, majestic phoenix, and burn the skies with your fire

how?

Possible trigger:

the feeling of not having a mother or a family is going to stay with me for the rest of my life.

the feeling of being abused is going to stay with me for the rest of my life

how do you even start to recover from that

Used2Bmommie · Sep 25, 2017 at 01:14 AM

You start by forgiving
i know it seems impossible but you can't begin to heal yourself until you let go of the anger because that anger and resentment you hold in your heart is only hurting you.

I used to fight and argue with my mom i would say the meanest nastiest things that i knew would cut her the deepest because just once i wanted to hurt her the way she hurts me then maybe just maybe she will see how it feels.
but the meaner i got the meaner she got and she won
every
single
time.
it got worse and worse we were literally trying to kill each other she was bigger and meaner and all i was doing was setting her off and once you set her off she doesnt stop. I would always end up crying and begging her to stop but she would keep going...
Finally, i gave up.
I forgave her.
i tried to forget
I let go of the anger
i stopped trying to win
and things got a lot better. still far from perfect but so much better than before.

The hardest part of that is being the bigger person when they are supposed to be the parent and you are supposed to be the child.

Sep 25, 2017 at 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Used2Bmommie

You start by forgiving
i know it seems impossible but you can't begin to heal yourself until you let go of the anger because that anger and resentment you hold in your heart is only hurting you.

I used to fight and argue with my mom i would say the meanest nastiest things that i knew would cut her the deepest because just once i wanted to hurt her the way she hurts me then maybe just maybe she will see how it feels.
but the meaner i got the meaner she got and she won
every
single
time.
it got worse and worse we were literally trying to kill each other she was bigger and meaner and all i was doing was setting her off and once you set her off she doesnt stop. I would always end up crying and begging her to stop but she would keep going...
Finally, i gave up.
I forgave her.
i tried to forget
I let go of the anger
i stopped trying to win
and things got a lot better. still far from perfect but so much better than before.

The hardest part of that is being the bigger person when they are supposed to be the parent and you are supposed to be the child.

well, i'm certainly not at that stage.

Possible trigger:

1 of the reasons why, is because the abuse is ongoing (I am not free from it), and I always thought that until I was, you could never really start processing it

and forgiving my mother for trying to kill me?

hmm that's a difficult one, difficult indeed

Sep 25, 2017 at 07:18 AM

all i'm saying is this.

Possible trigger:

you can't forgive abusers who just keep on abusing.

evry, single, day...

SorryShaped · Sep 25, 2017 at 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

all i'm saying is this.

Possible trigger:

you can't forgive abusers who just keep on abusing.

evry, single, day...

Why don't you get away?

Sep 25, 2017 at 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Why don't you get away?

i'm away from the physical side for now (I live 2 hours from them)

phone and email abuse is harder, block like 50 numbers and email addresses, then they just change their numbers and contact me again.

plus, i'm not entirely free of the physical side, everyone my family talks to.. they tell them to make sure if they meet me, they abuse me (sort of like, they can't do it, because I'm too far away for them to do it, but someone else can)

endless cycle really.

*Laurie* · Sep 25, 2017 at 08:33 PM

Both Mom and Dad: Why didn't the two of you value yourselves more? You were both outstanding people, but both of you negated yourselves.

I miss both of you very, very much.

SorryShaped · Sep 25, 2017 at 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i'm away from the physical side for now (I live 2 hours from them)

phone and email abuse is harder, block like 50 numbers and email addresses, then they just change their numbers and contact me again.

plus, i'm not entirely free of the physical side, everyone my family talks to.. they tell them to make sure if they meet me, they abuse me (sort of like, they can't do it, because I'm too far away for them to do it, but someone else can)

endless cycle really.

I kind of understand what you're saying. I'm choosing to completely cut out everyone when I feel strong enough, good or bad, because I'll need to be freed of the bad and unfortunately some of the good will have to go with it.

Used2Bmommie · Sep 25, 2017 at 09:57 PM

I'm sorry i didn't realize it was that bad.
Maybe you can get restraining orders to keep them away from you?

Sep 26, 2017 at 03:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Used2Bmommie

I'm sorry i didn't realize it was that bad.
Maybe you can get restraining orders to keep them away from you?

yeah, maybe.
or terminate their rights as parents.

Possible trigger:

I know in america this is a thing.

when I saw the movie finding a family (based on real events), alex did that to his mother.

I know that the case of alex, and mine are diffrent, but i've seriously been thinking about it- and how good it would be from my point of view.

as for the restraining order, what do I do.. ring the police and say, hi, I would like a restraining order on such and such because of this?

I really don't know how it works, so if anyone of you do, please let me know

8Loop · Sep 26, 2017 at 04:11 AM

Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you were more honest about your own mental heath with me and yourselves.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm sorry but I often I wish you hadn't brought me into this world.
Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you noticed that I was terribly depressed and anxious as a child. (and I wish you did something about it)
Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you hadn't dismissed me when after nearly a decade, I finally summed the courage to tell you how much pain I was in.
Dear Mom and Dad, I hope you don't blame yourself for my mental health.
Dear Mom and Dad, I love you.

SorryShaped · Sep 26, 2017 at 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

yeah, maybe.
or terminate their rights as parents.

Possible trigger:

I know in america this is a thing.

when I saw the movie finding a family (based on real events), alex did that to his mother.

I know that the case of alex, and mine are diffrent, but i've seriously been thinking about it- and how good it would be from my point of view.

as for the restraining order, what do I do.. ring the police and say, hi, I would like a restraining order on such and such because of this?

I really don't know how it works, so if anyone of you do, please let me know

Go to the court house where you live, and tell them you need to file an emergency restraining order. They will help you

Sep 26, 2017 at 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Go to the court house where you live, and tell them you need to file an emergency restraining order. They will help you

thanks.

are you quite familiar with these legal things?

SorryShaped · Sep 26, 2017 at 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

thanks.

are you quite familiar with these legal things?

Mildly familiar.

Sep 26, 2017 at 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Mildly familiar.

I bet, somewhere on this forum their is a lawyer.

lawyers.. if you see this, post. lol

Amyjay · Sep 30, 2017 at 11:14 PM

If they are sending you abusive texts and emails you have enough digital evidence to get a restraining order. What kinds of things are they saying? If they are threatening any physical violence at all you should be able to get a restraining order easily so that if they continue to contact you they are liable for prosecution. Can your mental health workers help you with this? Have you showed them the things your family are sending you?

lily245 · Oct 10, 2017 at 09:37 AM

Dear mom and dad, I wish you could love me and make me feel safe.

lily245 · Oct 10, 2017 at 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I bet, somewhere on this forum their is a lawyer.

lawyers.. if you see this, post. lol

hehe

SorryShaped · Oct 10, 2017 at 10:01 AM

Dear Mom and Dad,
I just can't deal with you any more. I've been pushing myself to be what you need, but I keep just falling over instead. I cannot be the guilt-infected child I have been forever, as you wanted when I was little and still want in my 40s. I had a marriage of the same caliber and same results, which I chose end. I'm leaving out tomorrow, and have chosen not to tell you because I can't handle another of your guilt-ridden lectures. You are going on vacation and I'm going on permanent vacation. I am not sorry. May you find peace.
Signed
A liberated child

Pastel Kitten · Oct 19, 2017 at 10:04 PM

Dear mom,

Why couldn't you consistently show me your love?

Why did you call me stupid when I couldn't read fast enough or solve math problems quickly enough?

Why did you resort to calling me "child" instead of my actual name whenever you were mad at me?

Why did you talk to me in such condescending tones of voice, use condescending gestures, facial expressions, and words?

Why were you always so overly critical of me?

Why did I seem to get treated a little worse than my brother?

Why did you abandon my brother and I before we were even in high school?

Why did you rely on me for emotional support when you returned, when I was supposed to rely on you?

Why did your partners start becoming more important than me?

Why did you tell dad I had plenty of food to eat when I didn't?

Why did you make me have to hate myself so much?

Dear dad,

Why didn't you help me when mom was unfair to me? Or when my brother was abusing me?

Why did you insist that "you're the parent," do nothing, and allow me to suffer?

Why did you hide in your room all day instead of being there for me?

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Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Sep 25, 2017 at 07:18 AM #24 all i'm saying is this. Possible trigger: you can't forgive abusers who just keep on abusing. evry, single, day...
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Laurie Account Suspended Member Since Jan 2015 Location: California Uber Alles Posts: 9,150 (SuperPoster!) 9 5,382 hugs given	Sep 25, 2017 at 08:33 PM #27 Both Mom and Dad: Why didn't the two of you value yourselves more? You were both outstanding people, but both of you negated yourselves. I miss both of you very, very much.
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Used2Bmommie Junior Member Member Since May 2017 Location: Mentone Posts: 24 7	Sep 25, 2017 at 09:57 PM #29 I'm sorry i didn't realize it was that bad. Maybe you can get restraining orders to keep them away from you? __________________ Neither society, nor the adopter who holds the child in her arms wants to comfort the agony of the mother from whose arms that child was taken.
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lily245 Member Member Since May 2017 Location: Scandinavia Posts: 105 7 68 hugs given	Oct 10, 2017 at 09:37 AM #37 Dear mom and dad, I wish you could love me and make me feel safe.
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