dear mom and dad

i'm away from the physical side for now (I live 2 hours from them)

phone and email abuse is harder, block like 50 numbers and email addresses, then they just change their numbers and contact me again.

plus, i'm not entirely free of the physical side, everyone my family talks to.. they tell them to make sure if they meet me, they abuse me (sort of like, they can't do it, because I'm too far away for them to do it, but someone else can)

endless cycle really.

Both Mom and Dad: Why didn't the two of you value yourselves more? You were both outstanding people, but both of you negated yourselves.

I miss both of you very, very much.

I kind of understand what you're saying. I'm choosing to completely cut out everyone when I feel strong enough, good or bad, because I'll need to be freed of the bad and unfortunately some of the good will have to go with it.

I'm sorry i didn't realize it was that bad.
Maybe you can get restraining orders to keep them away from you?

yeah, maybe.
or terminate their rights as parents.



as for the restraining order, what do I do.. ring the police and say, hi, I would like a restraining order on such and such because of this?

I really don't know how it works, so if anyone of you do, please let me know

Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you were more honest about your own mental heath with me and yourselves.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm sorry but I often I wish you hadn't brought me into this world.
Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you noticed that I was terribly depressed and anxious as a child. (and I wish you did something about it)
Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you hadn't dismissed me when after nearly a decade, I finally summed the courage to tell you how much pain I was in.
Dear Mom and Dad, I hope you don't blame yourself for my mental health.
Dear Mom and Dad, I love you.

Go to the court house where you live, and tell them you need to file an emergency restraining order. They will help you

thanks.

are you quite familiar with these legal things?

Mildly familiar.

I bet, somewhere on this forum their is a lawyer.

lawyers.. if you see this, post. lol

If they are sending you abusive texts and emails you have enough digital evidence to get a restraining order. What kinds of things are they saying? If they are threatening any physical violence at all you should be able to get a restraining order easily so that if they continue to contact you they are liable for prosecution. Can your mental health workers help you with this? Have you showed them the things your family are sending you?

Dear mom and dad, I wish you could love me and make me feel safe.

hehe

Dear Mom and Dad,
I just can't deal with you any more. I've been pushing myself to be what you need, but I keep just falling over instead. I cannot be the guilt-infected child I have been forever, as you wanted when I was little and still want in my 40s. I had a marriage of the same caliber and same results, which I chose end. I'm leaving out tomorrow, and have chosen not to tell you because I can't handle another of your guilt-ridden lectures. You are going on vacation and I'm going on permanent vacation. I am not sorry. May you find peace.
Signed
A liberated child

Dear mom,

Why couldn't you consistently show me your love?

Why did you call me stupid when I couldn't read fast enough or solve math problems quickly enough?

Why did you resort to calling me "child" instead of my actual name whenever you were mad at me?

Why did you talk to me in such condescending tones of voice, use condescending gestures, facial expressions, and words?

Why were you always so overly critical of me?

Why did I seem to get treated a little worse than my brother?

Why did you abandon my brother and I before we were even in high school?

Why did you rely on me for emotional support when you returned, when I was supposed to rely on you?

Why did your partners start becoming more important than me?

Why did you tell dad I had plenty of food to eat when I didn't?

Why did you make me have to hate myself so much?

Dear dad,

Why didn't you help me when mom was unfair to me? Or when my brother was abusing me?

Why did you insist that "you're the parent," do nothing, and allow me to suffer?

Why did you hide in your room all day instead of being there for me?

MOM- Why do you punish me for your childhood? Why do you think its ok to go in and out of my life and I am supposed to "be appreciative you came back around" Why do I owe you an apology for you abandoning me? Why did I never realize you would never change and I still get upset at 30 years old. I still cry when I see your pictures.
DAD- **** you. You did me way wrong, you have no clue about a fathers love. You got a new girlfriend around the time you met me and I became nothing to you just like when I was born.

when i was young i didnt really know quite how messed up it was, how could i? i was a kid.

how on earth could addiction be higher priority than your kids??

why did you fight to keep me out of being took into 'care' when you literally couldnt care less?

how could you send me to school in damn near rags? as if the emotional torment wasnt enough, the years of school bullying didnt exactly help.

how the hell was it so easy to lie to your kids?

dad, how could you treat yourself to weed and secret snacking while you made me live on lentils because 'we didnt have the money', as you horded the child support.

dad, i hope that weed bubble was worth watching your child go hungry, have to deal with **** like i was alone, essentially missing my entire childhood even though you were the one who was supposed to be there for me.

mam, how the hell can you not give a **** my entire youth then turn up having a go at me for no longer giving a **** in my TWENTIES??? i cried without you many nights, and gave up on you, not of my own volition, a long time ago.

mam, i hope the alcohol was a good replacement for your parental duties.

and dont you dare tell me ''im your mother!!'' as though it holds some sort of authority, i was your god damn son.

..thanks o.p, nothin like a good vent every now and then.

~Why was I a crybaby whenever I felt sad
~Why was it wrong for me to show any emotion other than happiness and if I did, I was a dramaqueen
~Why didn't you come to my 4th grade play - I had the lead role
~Why did you have a fight with dad on my 10th birthday, leave and not come back for 2 days (we ate the cake but there were no candles)
~Why did I only have 1 pair of pants all through Jr. High School (it wasn't money)
~Why did I have to take care of my sister after school and every summer and school break (again, not money)
~Why do you still try to hold money over our heads (We know you have it; none of us care or want it)
~Why does everything still have to be packed with drama with you as the martyr or super star
~Why are you so racist, homophobic, xenophobic and intolerant - how did your daughters learn to be loving, inclusive people (all 3 of us are, despite you)

~Why, if I told you any of these things, would your first and only response be to make a huge deal of playing the victim and somehow make me feel badly for saying you were a bad parent rather than recognizing that all these things still cause me pain

Dear Mom,

Why did you take your anger out on me?
Why did you hit me when i cried and tell me to grow up?
Didn’t you realize that’s not how the world works?
Why didn’t you care that i wasn’t at school?
That i wasn’t eating?
That i avoided people and only left my room to eat?
Why did my older sister have to physically stop you from hurting me?
Why did you have to beat and lock me up for hours just for speaking out of line?
Why did you think it was alright that you had to get me stitches for throwing a doll house at me?
Why were you angry whenever i started bleeding from your actions?
How can you play the part of pitiful mother with all the things youve done to hurt me?
How can you be so self centered to put your needs above your childrens?
Why didn’t you hug and kiss me when i clearly wanted you to?
Why did you push me away and say “not now”?
How come there is still a small part of me that loves you even though you made me into what i am today?
How come there is a part of me that is absolutely joyed that you got dementia?
When i was taken away from you, why were you upset?
How come you cry and scream that you miss me so much when all you did was hurt me?
Is it so wrong for me to be counting down the days till your death?
That i will be happy to go to your funeral?

I really hear your pain, hugs to you. With any addiction the substance is #1 above anything else. Childhood emotional neglect takes over our lives and most times we don't have a clue about why we feel the way we do. Go to Dr. Jonice Webb, a pioneer in this subject and come out feeling peaceful and whole.

Dear Mom and Dad: Why did you have me? You paid little to no attention to me and when you did it was to criticize and diminish me.
Why did you act in the very same ways you told me not to? (Do as I SAY, not as I DO) Why was I forced to go to church? Why did you put down every decision, idea, friend, boyfriend, and activity I performed? Why did you tell me one thing one day, and the opposite on another day? Why did you always compare me to my "perfect" sister? Why did others ALWAYS do a better job than I did?

Dear Mom and Dad,

You really messed up. You were just completely absorbed with yourselves, and didn’t give any consideration to us kids.

I was only conceived for manipulation, trying to hold on to a failing marriage.

What you didn’t have was more important than what you did have.

And I am guilty of the same toward my kids.

But, I’m still alive, so I can still try to be better.

Wow! Those are very similar to some of mine. You aren't alone in these feelings

By chance..were your parents older than normal for childbearing when they had you? Mine were.

No. Mine were probably too young. Mom got married at 16, had my older sister at 17, myself at 19, and my little sister at 21. Everything was always a struggle emotionally and emotional unavailability reigned supreme. The ACA laundry lists are highly accurate except for no alcohol use.