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My N parents were never reasonable. While I was a kid, I was effectively expected to have the social intelligence of someone far older. Though, this would have been unattainable for any kid. While I did pretty well holding up to this unrealistic standard, I often had 'slips' where I did normal kid stuff. I'll give an example. Once, I was eight years old, and while the other kids were playing, I kind of ran and waves my arms and was being slightly hyper/rambunctious. However, my mother took this little moment as a way to say something is 'wrong' with me and starts taking me to a physical therapist and a neurologist. My "normal" childish behavior as a young kid was always pathologized and seen as an "embarrassment" to them. So, due to these repeated insults to my character, I have developed a hair trigger towards any criticism. Especially as the abuse has continued into my adulthood.
As an adult, my narc family has ripped me apart over my decisions. They have told me that the person I am is fundamentally flawed and that my life is hopeless because of who I am unless I conform to their image of me. That who they are represents everyone else and that I will be a social outcast unless I change. As a result, whenever anyone says anything critical of me, even if it is well intended, I get very angry. Because that is how the abuse conditioned me to be. I have "realized" that I can't take any criticism seriously as my narc parents would have destroyed me completely if I had. Shutting out any negative feedback was a coping mechanism and how I survived my experience of being emotionally abused as a child and adolescent. But it's hard to take constructive criticism from well intentioned people as an adult.
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Apr 07, 2018, 12:18 PM
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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