when I was a child

seems to be the start of all my sentences lately when I am talking to people and I don't like it

wonder if it's because my life really truly sucks now, or I just want to be a kid

or both

honestly I don't know.. but I am doing so much looking back at the past.

my amy doll and my baby videos and my high chair are the main topic of conversation, I don't want to go back in a high chair, no no no... hated that thing.

(just posting my feelings)

Dear raging vortex,

You are not one to linger on the surface of life and run on autopilot as so many of us are. That is a virtue and one that I try to cultivate in myself. Your writing about your childhood reminds me of mine. I try to keep the child inside me as alive and well as possible.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

Of course, I don't know anything about this really. But lately, in particular, I've developed a strong desire to be "little". I don't even know exactly what that means. And I really don't have much in the way of ideas as to how to be "little" at my age either.

If I was senile I guess I would do things young children do and my spouse and pdoc (the only people I interact with) would simply chalk it up to senility and I wouldn't care or know the difference. But, although I do experience some symptoms typically associated with what is referred to as "sundown syndrome", otherwise I'm not senile (at least not yet.)

So while internally I have this longing to be "little", outwardly I still struggle to maintain some semblance of maturity. Perhaps it's simply a reaction to stress and anxiety. There's so much violence all around us day-in and day-out (especially where I live.) Plus there's still the pandemic and the isolation it imposes. Perhaps it all just makes one (me in particular) want to regress? Maybe you too?

I totally understand. I'm exactly the same. Hugs

Sorry you're feeling this way. What we have experienced as children can impact our adulthood definitely. Please be kind to yourself. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @raging vortex, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I'm sending hugs and respect

Nothing is wrong in wanting to talk about your childhood.If we have missed out on being a normal kid,there will be a desire to regress in adulthood ,I guess.