[Michah]

Please do not read any further if you are triggered easily.......this is a vent that has been building for a while.....

For thos eof you that know me......this is a side that you know exists....but have never seen in me....

I am so #$%^ing tired of this #$%^ing #$%% that I just want to jump of a freaking cliff. I can feel so much pressure building up inside of me that I want to punch the living daylights out a something and tell it to GO $%^& itself!!

I am SICK of this PAIN!
I am SICK of my BRAIN!
I am SICK of WORDS!
I am SICK of SOUND!
I am Sick of LIGHT!
I am SICK of BEING!
I am SICK OF THIS $%^&$#@&**^%$%^&& MUD IN MY BRAIN!!!!!!!

I will take the stupid freaking pain tablets and all the freaking supplements and do the stupid exercise EVERYDAY even if I sob my guts out through it......BECAUSE what is the freaking alternative!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent everyone. Mods, sorry about the language.....I should know better.......JUST gotta get it out somehow.......

Thanks for listening.......got therapy in a week.

Michah

And I can't stop freaking crying! I HATE crying! It makes my sinus worse.

[bebop]

the filter caught it. hon I understand all those feelings. it is ok to vent. hang in hon.

[racee]

....

Michah... I hear you...just sitting here...listening ...want to do so much more.We hear you love.

[sabby]

Michah, I will gladly sit with you and vent away too if that's okay?

I understand what you are venting about and you have every right to your feelings. I'm glad you could get it out here.

Sending you many hugs and more swear words to help! **** **** &*)%$$

[spacemonkey36]

Originally Posted by Michah

Please do not read any further if you are triggered easily.......this is a vent that has been building for a while.....

For thos eof you that know me......this is a side that you know exists....but have never seen in me....

I am so #$%^ing tired of this #$%^ing #$%% that I just want to jump of a freaking cliff. I can feel so much pressure building up inside of me that I want to punch the living daylights out a something and tell it to GO $%^& itself!!

I am SICK of this PAIN!
I am SICK of my BRAIN!
I am SICK of WORDS!
I am SICK of SOUND!
I am Sick of LIGHT!
I am SICK of BEING!
I am SICK OF THIS $%^&$#@&**^%$%^&& MUD IN MY BRAIN!!!!!!!

I will take the stupid freaking pain tablets and all the freaking supplements and do the stupid exercise EVERYDAY even if I sob my guts out through it......BECAUSE what is the freaking alternative!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent everyone. Mods, sorry about the language.....I should know better.......JUST gotta get it out somehow.......

Thanks for listening.......got therapy in a week.

Michah

And I can't stop freaking crying! I HATE crying! It makes my sinus worse.

Michah,

Oh wow, is that not something we all haven't felt before, if not to some degree every day. There's ups and downs with chronic pain, ups and downs with mood disorders, and oh wow, you just cannot go through CP without having days where you get just plain p***ed off. Why can't we have a "normal life?" Why do we have to have the sucky double whammy of mental health (which makes it harder to get anyone to believe you have CP-CP=Chronic Pain) and CP. Oh, you're anxious, malingering, crazy, making it up, "that would be happening or you'd be dead," and one of my faves "You're too young to have all that wrong." Well, idiot, clearly, I am not; but if you look at my scans-you'll see that the structural stuff is present, and my labwork that proves the lupus and other "fun stuff."

I've had to actually get copies of my own labwork, x-ray and MRI reports, and summaries of specialists who have diagnosed the different disorders I have; like the orthopedist's report that a severe muscle spasm caused my wrist to snap (SPS-Stiff Person Syndrome; a rare but h***ish disorder, and you get some wicked muscle spasms!). And having to shove it in some arrogant doctor's face-yeah, I have resentments sometimes.

And some days, it's all just soooo overwhelming. I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, or your beliefs are in God or a Higher Power (anything bigger than you-just something outside yourself);and whatever is in you-anger, frustration, and for whatever reason; write it down, just get it out of your sysem (cuz it's toxic to how I feel walking around and having to cope with each day; if it's the pain that's got me overwhelmed, or whatever; I write it down and stick it in my box; a small wooden box I was given for Christmas one year for stuff like storing pictures and letters, or really anything; and I call it my God Box. Anything I write down and put in there, I give back to God. It is a "leap of faith" to do this though..

But if that wouldn't be helpful-come around and vent...we're good for a pair of listening eyes; and Lord knows there's many a day it makes me mad I have to line up the bottles (I take mostly liquid meds because of a malabsorption syndrome of "unknown origin" that makes it so I don't completely-or at all-digest pills: sometimes they pass through whole, but it's most likely because I have had six bowel obstructions; 2 have had surgery, and have removed 19-inches of my small bowel removed from the obstruction), and be slugging the meds; and even though most of them-some are my pain meds but not all-are not my "pain meds" just having to slug all that junk to have a life that is even approaching "normal" and I do get mad as heck that it seems like meds, or supplements, or the special diet I require to lessen the pain (gluten allergy; symptom is "aches and pains," and going to the store, and having to put back half of what I want to buy and would really enjoy because it had gluten in it-I even have to make my own bread so a sandwich doesn't make me sick!!!).

So yup, totally understand what I call the p***ed-off-edness. It's a rotten part of having chronic pain. It's a more sucky part of it, and being frustrated, overwhelmed, angry, irritable, snappy, and as a girl, getting called "b***chy" because I'm not a "perfectly polite little lady" all the time... is nothing but maddening.

So give yourself permission; no apologies-Rule #1: you're entitled and allowed to anything you feel, including, and sometimes especially, anger goes with the territory, and it's "allowed" no matter what anyone will tell you-and if it's a doctor or therapist who tells you otherwise, find another.

Have you ever worked with a pain psychologist/therapist; one who has experience or specializes in CP? They're out there; and if you work with a pain specialist, they probably work at least with one. It helps sometimes going to one; and finding the validation you don't always get, sometimes even from the pain docs, because when it boils down to it--and they've not been on the other end of it; the receiving end of chronic pain...which often is why many do have at least one pain psychologist on staff.

If you're searching for a therapist, if anything, see if their "interests" they list has chronic pain on it; or just ask them. My therapist has osteogenisis imprefecta, and has had the severe chronic pain and although it's not currently a problem--she's at least been there; so when I am shifting on her couch, trying (and being unable to because my sciatica prevents it) to cross my legs, uncross them, she will ask, "Did you bring your meds? Take them so we can work..." It's cool.

So, if you're having a day where you're mad at all of it--let it out. Sit down with a blank Word document; or pen and paper, and write down how you feel; swearing and cussing all you want, and if f*** is every other word, then let it out!!!!!!!!

If you need someone else on the other end to receive it, and be understanding of what they're reading and know why, and that it's being received; I know you are not swearing and angry with me personally. I believe we are able to email each other through the site; send me one. If not, message me through the site, and I'll send you my email; and you can use f*** as every other word if it helps. That stuff doesn't offend me in the least little bit; and I get where it's coming from; and if you just need to have a receiver of sorts; you got one right here.

Keep writing, talking, etc. Sometimes I keep a video jounrla in addition to my written one. Yup, sometimes it's "R-rated," or even "NC-17." No worries about it. Keep it up, it's ok to be angry. I'd be worried more if you weren't angry at some point about it...it's a raw deal.

I hope this morning finds you some more peace...but if not, ya know-use symbols-we know what they stand for.

Hugs, blessings, and peace!(point is, lots of feelings and reactions, and all of them are okay!!! Keep expressing yourself, ok!!!!!!) And expressing yourself is okay!!! And if need be mad as heckif you need to!!!

Hope this helps!!!

[Leed]

Hi dear Micah ~ You said it well !! I know exactly how you feel. I've been in chronic pain for almost 27 years ~ and believe me I've had ENOUGH! I;m so tired of doctors, tests, needles, pills that I could scream! And I'm NOT a fan of surgery either.

And now I read in Science Daily that Chronic pain causes BRAIN DAMAGE !! Well gee, thanks. It damages the lobe of the brain that controls memory & learning. Now isn't that just special! No wonder I can't remember what day of the week it is. Heck, sometimes I can't remember what MONTH it is.

So Micah, you go ahead and vent. I'll listen cause I know exactly what you mean. There's times when we just HAVE to blow -- if we don't, then I pity the next person who comes to the door!

God bless and you're in my prayers. (((Hugs))) Lee

[spacemonkey36]

Originally Posted by Leed

Hi dear Micah ~ You said it well !! I know exactly how you feel. I've been in chronic pain for almost 27 years ~ and believe me I've had ENOUGH! I;m so tired of doctors, tests, needles, pills that I could scream! And I'm NOT a fan of surgery either.

And now I read in Science Daily that Chronic pain causes BRAIN DAMAGE !! Well gee, thanks. It damages the lobe of the brain that controls memory & learning. Now isn't that just special! No wonder I can't remember what day of the week it is. Heck, sometimes I can't remember what MONTH it is.

So Micah, you go ahead and vent. I'll listen cause I know exactly what you mean. There's times when we just HAVE to blow -- if we don't, then I pity the next person who comes to the door!

God bless and you're in my prayers. (((Hugs))) Lee

A-bloody-men!!!!!! Well put!!!!!!!! And it causing brain damage: oh, so shocked I am. But yet we are to blame for our own situations; cuz according to the docs, we must have done something to cause it... Kind of like the morons who say if I just believed in Jesus more I'd be "healed." Oh, Michah, if you aren't showing how mad you are (and you do!), that makes me even angrier! I believe in Jesus just fine, thank you, and it's thanks to Jesus I don't ram my fist down the throat of the next person who says that to me.

And, guys-btw, I have fired my PCP; am transferring my care within the same hospital system to a different city closer to my house, have requested that my PMR doctor (aka, Dr. Moron, remember) transfer my care back to my psychiatrist, who has agreed to resume where he's assumed screwing up (essentially).

People say this might sound bitter. How about realistic?

Keep on venting-all of us!!! We've earned it! 20+ years of intractable pain myself, and yet, I still have an IQ above 165, but get treated like a moron. Well-educated, but still a moron. Show them well-articulated research despite the brain damage their treatments, and the years of minimally treated chronic pain (unrelieved, basically-not that they are the ones who are out there making any effort...oh, forgot the numbers of calories it takes to sign a prescription--sorry!!! Will they ever forgive me) has caused, but I'm still the maladjusted moron/imbecile.

Done, over. I'm not seeing any other docs except my therapist and my psychiatrist unless it's for my annual PAP, and she can prescribe my other stuff-I don't need anything else; except my female hormones and my thyroid pill. They can shove the rest into any orifice of their choice. I know which one I'd pick for them to put it in.

I'm having my surgery April 15. I will do my rehab, and my post-op visits. After that, no more. I've had enough. I wonder why (and how I can even after so many years of unrelieved intractable pain, I can even spell my own name...but I have to provide them with research on my diagnosis? Impressive!).

Ok, I vented. Who's next

[Leed]

Jenna ~ Did i read that right? YOU have to provide THEM with research on YOUR diagnosis??? Please tell me I misunderstood!! Good grief. Now I've heard everything!! You mean to tell me they are so STUPID that they aren't even up-to-date on your diagnosis??? Can't they even take the time to read journals? Research papers?? E-mails?? Nothing??

And I'm like you ~ I will NEVER see my surgeon again after he said "You can't have pain because I fixed you." HUH??? How ARROGANT can this guy be??? Who died and left HIM God? He fixed me alright ~ he's given me almost 27 years of sciatica & severe pain!!! I'm sticking to the PCP I found that has tried the HARDEST out of every single doctor I've seen to give me some semblance of comfort.

To all the other doctors I've seen: May your mother-in-law come to live with you ~ and i hope she's a hypochondriac!!

[Michah]

To everyone that came and talked to me through this......my profound and everlasting thanks

I do not do defeat well.......my will, as strong as it is, is also my achilles heel. It wills what it wills and cannot understand "contigencies" or anomalies or a change in the seqeunce of things......

For about a month, I experienced a flowering of hope. I was exercising everyday (very small amounts, but doing what my pain doc asked of me). I cried through it and I cursed through it, but I did it. I was depressed the whole time, but knew that it was all part of healing, and then 4 days ago, depersonalisation hit.

With aspergers syndrome I am no stranger to dissociation, and rarely, depersonalisation, but usually with the later it happens because I have been severely frightened or traumatised. After a month of constant flu-like symptoms, extreme fatigue and doing a uni degree, 4 days ago I had the most massive chronic fatigue flare up that I have had for a very long time. I did not know it for this. My mind went through all the data for a possible reason behind the depersonalisation.

The trauma came from my body, and as the brain cannot differentiate between pain, whether it be emotional or physical(even if our cognition has a better time of working it out), it just went in to shut down of the sympathetic nervous system. I was not listening to its messages, because I have lost faith in the messages. There is always something firing away...."Warning, Warning......pain in sector 7!!!" or some such thing.

My stepbrother went through chronic fatigue so I rang my step mother a bit hysterical and told her that "I had left home in my brain" and did she know why I had constant flu-like symptoms and crushing but fleeting bouts of depression.....she said "You sound just like my son. So exaclty the same, it is uncanny. Bed rest for you my love, and be kind to self"......

So that is what I am doing.

Again, my love goes out to you all......a short sabbatical from everything is in order......back to basics and I shall start again.....and again, and again.....if that is what it takes. So help me, I will not go quietly into the night. I will forgive the pain, as I have always done and lose some of the anger......More acceptance, less fear......

"Is and Isn't produce each other". Lao Tzu

Biggest hugs ever,

Michah

[spacemonkey36]

Originally Posted by Leed

Jenna ~ Did i read that right? YOU have to provide THEM with research on YOUR diagnosis??? Please tell me I misunderstood!! Good grief. Now I've heard everything!! You mean to tell me they are so STUPID that they aren't even up-to-date on your diagnosis??? Can't they even take the time to read journals? Research papers?? E-mails?? Nothing??

And I'm like you ~ I will NEVER see my surgeon again after he said "You can't have pain because I fixed you." HUH??? How ARROGANT can this guy be??? Who died and left HIM God? He fixed me alright ~ he's given me almost 27 years of sciatica & severe pain!!! I'm sticking to the PCP I found that has tried the HARDEST out of every single doctor I've seen to give me some semblance of comfort.

To all the other doctors I've seen: May your mother-in-law come to live with you ~ and i hope she's a hypochondriac!!

Yeah, pathetic, huh??? They're supposed to be the "experts" on the rare stuff, like my SPS , but turns out my shrink is more educated on it because when he saw it in my diagnostic history, he researched it extensively. Isn't that what docs are supposed to do??? But then, most of us thought they still took the Hippocratic Oath, and that hasn't been done at medical school graduation for 15+ years!!! It's one big, fat joke!

So, I also remembered that my dentist gave me a bottle of 100 capsules of amoxicillin (good until 12/2013) and told me if a tooth abscesses, start my pain meds (? what, anyone with the "Dr." title who wants me comfortable????? What???? Thus, I will not give his name: I wouldn't want him to lose his dental license) and take the amoxicillin 500mg TID for 2 weeks, and call him if it doesn't calm down. Ok, guess what? More than one indication for antibiotics; like sinus infections, bladder infections, etc. So, I can put off transferring my care to the hospital's clinic in the next city over until I am out of those: my thyroid pill and estrogen-the only other meds that matter, as far as I care; except the bipolar ones from the shrink, who will soon prescribe my pain meds.

But I love myself for taking the "but you'll get addicted" line of s*** they give you when discussing better options than what you currently have. I told them that I've had the fentanyl suckers several times after surgery every 4 hours (which means he'll prescribe them every six; which is what I wanted...manipulative, maybe, but the jerk has backed me into a miserable and pain filled corner of a life, so there's no guilt whatsoever) and that I have never developed a tolerance because the nice thing about the 600mcg suckers (I was shooting for the 400mcg ones; still the second-lowest of all the available doses: good addicts would have been asking for the 1200mcg, so if that was my agenda, I'd have gone for it) were perfect because you can, when the pain is relieved, if before the sucker is gone, cap it and store it for your next dose, so it's "more tailored."

They've made my life h*** for six months. They're getting the boot, and my shrink has not only agreed to resume prescribing where they assumed the process of messing it up; he's also agreed to at least read the research on it, and consider it as an option. Last time I tried to discuss it with the jerk-off in PMR, he didn't hesitate before "NO!" He wouldn't listen, nothing.

Worst yet? No one read the research I brought in on SPS! It discussed Ig treatments as treatment of choice; which is a centrifuged blood product, not a narcotic.

Bunch of idiots!!!!

So, after Monday, the agreement already-the appointment is only to make it official-the PMR jerk-off only gets to collect from the insurance on an RN appointment, and I'm through with him too.

So, except my surgery, I'm not seeing any other doctors, except my shrink, (I told her if after my surgery, the shrink needs to "consult" I can have him call the PMR clinic--just stroking an ego to get what I need), and the RN agreed it was reasonable, and that he doesn't usually take over prescribing, so this seems like a perfectly reasonable solution. I told her that each time I come into Seattle, I am so fagged out from the all-day production, I am in bed for the next 3 days with spasms, severe pain, and complete exhaustion recovering....and they've been dragging me there so frequently, I don't always even have the opportunity to completely recover. She said she didn't understand why I'd be so tired and exhausted with "so many spasms." I produced another copy of the SPS research, and told her that would explain a lot and was "a good read." But made no smart-aleck comments, but just made it clear, Monday is my final appointment.

But here's the thing: I fired the jerk-off PCP and PMR in one day. The load that has taken off me, I slept solid, hard and totally crashed out-although waking up with pain about every six hours; I got about 13 hours of sleep last night.

Feel like a new person today! No more doctors, except my shrink, who I like, and my surgeon, well, he's okay, and all-I don't have a choice....but basically okay.

And I am going to be able to stay in the same system, and go to the city over; where my orthopedist is one day a week, my GYN is most days, and they have PCP's there. And since I plan to see them only under the risk of otherwise ending up dead, I don't even have an appointment to "establish care" with anyone.

Party on!

[Leed]

She didn't understand why you'd be so tired & exhausted with "so many spasms." Is she some kind of idiot?? Did she just start working there or something??? Any teenager would catch on after a DAY of working there that chronic pain spinal patients get tired & exhausted with spasms EVERY DARN DAY!!! Then add the frustration and aggravation that these idiot doctors put us through, and that takes the pain levels to extreme proportions!!

I've been put thru some bad days with doctors and Social Security Disability, but YOU have been put thru Hell and back. This is nonsense! if there was some way you could SUE them, you'd certainly have a case!!! I will DEFINITELY keep you in my prayers Micah ~ I hope you can get some rest and try to forget this stuff for awhile. God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[spacemonkey36]

Michah,

Doing the 100% right thing, my friend!!!

Contrary to what doctors think, they are not as smart as they think. And no-if you didn't know, they do not take the Hippocratic Oath anymore-and to the best of my knowledge, they have not for at least 15 years or so-maybe more.

Case in point: this exercise thing...their solution for it all.

But not the solution for all. At least not all the time.

My PMR (well, former PMR-see my new thread) doctor latched onto what he identified as my "weight problem." My only problem with my weight is doctors that don't look at the big picture. I will be up front. When the bipolar was first diagnosed (traced it back to childhood, however), I was 6'1 and weighed about 158 pounds; actually was on the anorexic side, if you are smart enough to take into account that I literally have my father's body frame. Even at 158 pounds, in men's jeans, I was still a 32"-34" waist-skinny, but if you saw a photograph of me at the time--you would ask who the anorexic was. I immediately gained weight; and the first drugs the had me on were antidepressants-which although they cause weight gain--are not the worst offenders-those are the anticonvulsants (the worse of which, as I currently understand it, are Depakote and gabapentin...but there's many others that wreak havoc on the scale...or break it, and there's no worse blow to the ego-even though you're under the 300 pound "limit" of most bathroom scales, and hearing a loud crack! It's disheartening. So is reaching, and exceeding the 300 pound limit.

I had one provider I wish had taken the Hippocratic Oath: she was the one who was responsible for 120 pounds of weight gain (wonder why I plunged into an "I can't get outta bed-depression?"). My meds, excluding the thyroid pill, my only other one:

Depakote XR 3000mg/day at bedtime (this was about $1100/month)
Neurontin 1600mg three times/day (this was about $700/month)
Zyprexa 40mg at bedtime (this one topped $1800mg)
Seroquel 300mg three times/day; total 900mg/day which is outside the recommended prescribing limit, but I was so busy sleeping-but shockingly, still breathing-that I never realized that I should have realized that all this was way too much; but I was frankly too sick to make a good judgement there....but I am not to blame, but that took time to realize)

I had to be hospitalized for over a month to get tapered safely off most of it, regulated on the correct meds and at the correct doses, and get some counseling for the "mind screwing" I got from her

Don't worry-she no longer has a license to practice--it was revoked when she bragged at a conference publicly that when new medications come out, she takes home a one month's worth of samples and takes them to "see what the side effects are like" and when the DEA demanded a blood test; there were nine different psychotropic medications--she had to be hospitalized to be taken off the meds she did not need, and the proper diagnosis, which I am not at liberty to say; but actually there were several. She was classified as an "impaired nurse" (she was a pnurse); and her license was permanently revoked.

But, what the picture that isn't recognized is that I have been on psychotropic meds for over 17 years. Remember the most common side effect of almost every (except one older antipsychotic, moban, which causes weight loss, and the ADHD meds) psychotropic medications is? One (or more or all) of three: increased appetite, weight gain, and slowed metabolism. And the atypicals (Geodon, Zyprexa, Risperdal, etc) can cause Type II Diabetes.

So their solution is diet and exercise. After that pnurse was finished with me, I ballooned to 409 pounds. Now, I am 5'11 1/2 (compression fractures in my lumbar spine have caused a loss of height), and weigh about 270. Yeah, that's medically obese, I'm not gonna deny that. But before my hip went south, I had a very active lifestyle: I walked about 3-5 miles/day for about 4-5 days/week, sometimes more. In combination, I was riding my bike often, plus taking the bus everywhere I went, so walking sometimes as much as a mile or more to the bus stop...etc, etc.

And I hate junkfood (except now and then, I will indulge, but like once in a blue moon), and all (but the block of cheese in my fridge) the food in my fridge and cupboards is about (within 5% or so) 30% calories from fat or less. I buy 1% milk; there are no concentrated sugared foods in my freezer, fridge, or cupboard, and I think you get the idea.

But it's assumed that I sit around in my Lazy-Boy and watch TV all day. I've been told by my (former) PMR doctor to try dropping cable TV and invest in a YMCA membership instead (for one where does he get off saying that, and second, what makes him think I have much interest in TV or how does he know I even have cable, except to get internet??? Prove it!), and that I don't take responsbility for my health. I won't open that Pandora's Box, because I would never shut up. But his assumption is that I am "fat" because I don't exercise, and I don't eat right. He even told me I should have a nutrition consult. I declined. Then it was that I don't go to PT. No, but I work a very intensive, rigid home program: 30-45 minutes every morning, and the same every evening; and if I can, pain permitting, do 10-20 minutes of yoga in the evening. Shove it.

Exercise, in some cases can do more harm than good. Like with the AVN condition in my hip: the vigorous exercise he wanted me to engage in at the YMCA, and also the PT he wanted me to do would likely have caused me to fracture and end up certainly with a total hip. As of yet; I am still scheduled for a core decompression; and the surgeon is confident we can still do that; but he feels that, and combined with the opinion of the pain psychologist, they have trumped the PMR doc and halted any PT.

So you let your body, mind, and spirit be your guide. If it's causing pain levels so acute you are dissociating, that is very bad, and your mother is absolutely right on: go to bed and relax; get the pain levels down.

I now just let the pain guide my activities; but I also anticipate that in addition to causing my severe fatigue; that I will suffer some degree of pain with increased activity. So, ya betcha, your body was sending a message: slow down!!!!

And no pain doctor will ever cop to this, but scientific studies of late are NOT finding that dropping weight, or even just increasing exercise levels are resulting in decreased pain: in some cases, it causes further tissue damage, and increased pain.

Listen to your body!!! If it screams at you, sit down and listen; and take care-and baby and pamper it. Mom is absolutely right on this one. And ya don't hear me say that often; just ask mine!

[imafloridagirl]

Originally Posted by spacemonkey36

A-bloody-men!!!!!! Well put!!!!!!!! And it causing brain damage: oh, so shocked I am. But yet we are to blame for our own situations; cuz according to the docs, we must have done something to cause it... Kind of like the morons who say if I just believed in Jesus more I'd be "healed." Oh, Michah, if you aren't showing how mad you are (and you do!), that makes me even angrier! I believe in Jesus just fine, thank you, and it's thanks to Jesus I don't ram my fist down the throat of the next person who says that to me.

And, guys-btw, I have fired my PCP; am transferring my care within the same hospital system to a different city closer to my house, have requested that my PMR doctor (aka, Dr. Moron, remember) transfer my care back to my psychiatrist, who has agreed to resume where he's assumed screwing up (essentially).

People say this might sound bitter. How about realistic?

Keep on venting-all of us!!! We've earned it! 20+ years of intractable pain myself, and yet, I still have an IQ above 165, but get treated like a moron. Well-educated, but still a moron. Show them well-articulated research despite the brain damage their treatments, and the years of minimally treated chronic pain (unrelieved, basically-not that they are the ones who are out there making any effort...oh, forgot the numbers of calories it takes to sign a prescription--sorry!!! Will they ever forgive me) has caused, but I'm still the maladjusted moron/imbecile.

Done, over. I'm not seeing any other docs except my therapist and my psychiatrist unless it's for my annual PAP, and she can prescribe my other stuff-I don't need anything else; except my female hormones and my thyroid pill. They can shove the rest into any orifice of their choice. I know which one I'd pick for them to put it in.

I'm having my surgery April 15. I will do my rehab, and my post-op visits. After that, no more. I've had enough. I wonder why (and how I can even after so many years of unrelieved intractable pain, I can even spell my own name...but I have to provide them with research on my diagnosis? Impressive!).

Ok, I vented. Who's next

,

It is amazing when you seem to know more about your conditions than the Drs you're paying to treat you do..I've found that the more I show I know, the more they don't want to treat me. Like being smart and educating yourself on your problems is somehow wrong..Whole thing is seriously frustrating and the thought of living this was for the rest of my life is terrifying..

[spacemonkey36]

Originally Posted by imafloridagirl

,

It is amazing when you seem to know more about your conditions than the Drs you're paying to treat you do..I've found that the more I show I know, the more they don't want to treat me. Like being smart and educating yourself on your problems is somehow wrong..Whole thing is seriously frustrating and the thought of living this was for the rest of my life is terrifying..

Hey girl,

Try being a nurse, and they know it--and they know you're well aware of what an absolute and total idiot they are? Check my new thread...quite a good "story/stress reliever...." And gave me a great deal of personal satisfaction!!!

When you think about it, you are paying them for a service, correct? That makes them your employee!!!

Rule #1: The boss is always right.
Rule #2: If the boss is wrong, see Rule #1.

Period-no further discussion necessary: doctors-it's time to get your noses (or entire heads) out of the butt of the DEA and start performing medicine-not practicing it! Otherwise, as Donald Trump says every week (or so he used to, idk if he still does):

"You're fired!!!"

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am glad you got it out, Micah.

I relate to sinus trouble, pain, anger, you name it...

I am pretty sick of mine too.

I am hanging in there and forgiving; it keeps me sane.

Billi

[spacemonkey36]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

I am glad you got it out, Micah.

I relate to sinus trouble, pain, anger, you name it...

I am pretty sick of mine too.

I am hanging in there and forgiving; it keeps me sane.

Billi

Billi,

I forgave mine when I fired them.

Appointment with a doctor well after my surgery (only one more week to go!!!), and I plan to see her as infrequently as possible, and only when required-like my fever reaches 106. lol...well, maybe not; she'd probably send that to the ER; and that's a truly unpleasant experience around here; our ER's are terrible!!!

But yes, I wrote all my resentments about the whole thing down, and stuck it in my God Box; which when full, everything is burned...safely. It's in God's hands now; and I have the piece of mind knowing that the doctor who will prescribe called me Monday to make sure I had what I needed; and to email him if something comes up and I need something, and proceeded to give me his personal email.

Yup, gonna stick with him; and finally being treated like a human being makes it very easy to put that garbage behind me...garbage in, garbage out!

But yes, I agree totally; forgiveness is necessary in order to move on.