[Secret]

The VA health care system has let me down again.
Normally I don't have much problem at the local VA ... get my meds and a counselor to talk to ... that sort of thing. Its good as long as nothing new crops up.
What brings this all up now is PTSD rehab.
My PTSD diagnosis was finally accepted by the VA shrink in 2006 and they have been working with me at the local VA. My counselor and I discussed the next move ... a rehab program.
The VA does have quite a few of these ... especially for men. Well, we looked around and found one that seemed to fit me in Batavia, NY
I get accepted into the program (records reviews and counselor/doc recommendations) and I'm all excited to begin getting my life back together.
Maybe I'm really a lot more messed up than I thought, but when I arrive and check in things started going wrong. I felt lost, alone and alienated. They gave us no orientation at all the first day.
Day 2 arrives and we are suppose to be having a tour of the facilities. This consists of the exercise room - period. I have some physical disabilities so don't see myself there much but I try a piece of equipment on the lowest resistance. The guy giving the tour cranks it up ... guess what ... now I'm in severe pain. I do have pain meds in two different strengths. I really only need the lower dosage, but the nurse gives me the higher one. Figure I'm in a safe enviroment and being a little stoned won't hurt so I go ahead and take it.
Next stop is a group meeting to talk about the rules. I'm totally stoned, still feeling alienated and so far out of my comfort zone I could scream.
I generally have no problem with rules, but if something seem unreasonable I want to discuss it until I can assimulate the reasoning. (Now remember I'm stoned also) Everything is fine until they start talking about what you can and cannot watch on TV. There are only 6 women in the program and we have 2 TVs on different floors. Okay I sometimes get triggered by something on TV but I know the types of things that trigger me and can leave a room. With 2 areas to watch TV why shouldn't we be able to watch what we want unless someone objects. At least this is the reasoning I bring up. Nope rules are rules no exceptions (later find out this particular rule was new for this session). Well good old stoned me won't let it drop, and with every refusal to discuss the matter I get louder until I end up shouting and storm out.
Next morning I get informed I have to leave. I'm too unstable.
I'm just now able to talk about this. The whole thing set me back so much I couldn't even chat.

[bebop]

I am sorry you had a rough time of it in the program. I don't agree they let you go out of it though. I am guessing ptsd programs have changed alot since my late husband was in them. they had classes to attend every day including anger management but I think those days are pretty much over with the va.
the thing with the tv though...I do believe that limiting certain programs can help in a controlled enviornment to keep you and others from being triggered. please continue your journey and find a program to help. here is a good place to start too. there are a few other vets that come here.

[Catherine2]

Secret,
I am so very sorry...

Having a structured environment is fine, but there has to be some flexibility if they expect us to begin to heal.
Jmo, but they were ROs to handle it this way so early in the program. I won't suggest trying it again, perhaps staying in touch with your counselor and try to work through the feelings that surfaced during this farce of a treatment place.

Keep posting, PM if you are comfortable doing so...will gladly share other communication avenues with you.
Please do whatever you can to step out of your "cave."
I say cave because it's probably where I would after this happening...

Know that you are loved and we care
I Care

In Peace