happy holidays?...

Well, for those who are having a good holiday season, I wish you all the best the season has to offer. For those that aren't, I hope it gets better.

Happy Holidays, so why can’t I fight the depression? I'm taking the meds.

It’s not like I wake up in the morning and say ‘Screw it, I’m not doing anything today’
I just want to sleep because being awake hurts, I feel confused and angry most of the time.
I would fight it if I had the energy.

Jmo/Jme...

tdts,
Forget the Happy Holidays.
For many of us, it is not a Hallmark movie where every negative thing in a person's life is suddenly made right and joy and singing fills our hearts.
It's a tough time because we have such high expectations of relief coming to us. I do not deny that it does happen to people; I do not think it happens to everyone.
Long ago, I gave up those expectations of a single span of time making mental anguish fade...

Jaded statement? No, it's truth for me. In accepting this, I made more progress by taking it a day at a time and doing my best. In time, more days became quiet times, days of feeling focused and steady.
It was not dependent on any special holiday period, it was 365 24-7.

Re the depression and meds. Perhaps your meds need adjusted, changed, or something added as an adjunct treatment.
Having a good and honest talk with your physician may be in order. It's a starting point, at least.

Feeling angry and confused are part of the PTSD. Wanting to sleep to have relief from them is self-defense against very powerful feelings.
Feelings that can be overwhelming and frightening.
tdts, use every bit of support you have available to you...no matter how small or how unusual it may seem. It will come together to help you get through these times. Slow, yes. But it will also be steady and empowering...and an anchor when the desire to give up is winning and we need to feel grounded/accepted/understood.

My own PTSD reactivated with the news of the surge...
My reaction was one of rage and sorrow. I know what our troops are facing...and so do you. And yes, this time of year makes it doubly hard to accept...they are being sent away from their families and the families are dealing with their absence and the fear they will not return.

Finding the energy to fight these feelings is going to take every bit of effort that you can muster...
It was not a pat encouragement asking you to use every bit of support you have...support you may not be aware of that is waiting for you.
Use it. In real life and/or here...any place where the tumultuous effects of PTSD are known and understood, especially those who also have it, not just the medical professionals.
If you feel close in anyway to someone here, PM them. Try and connect with another human being who is walking the same path. There is strength and genuine love to be found.

These intense feelings will ease for a time. It's not going to be a one time event where all of them disappear...
it will however lose some of it's power over you.
Will it return? Possibly. But you will have tools to use to help yourself.

Again, this is all jmo/jme.
Somewhere in my words, I hope you find some that will let you know that you are not alone, you are not helpless...
There are people willing to walk with you...carry you if that is what is needed.

Keep posting, tdts. It's another way of letting out some of the hurt in your heart and spirit.

In Peace
Catherine