[dolphin89]

Lately I've been having flasbacks and nightmares ( different version of the flashback). The main flashback involves landmines( bright flashing lites, loud noise), smell of blood and burnt flesh, cries of angony from both humans and animals, and I'm trying to take care of the wounded animals and humans. In real life I had to put the wounded animals out of misery using my sidearm. For an animal lover this was very traumatic especially when my hands were shaking so bad the weapon slipped.

With the nightmares it is the same scenario, but it is my family that I'm trying to save and fail, or it is my friends, or co-workers. Each time I wake up the bed and I are soaked with sweat, I'm shaking and my dogs are trying to calm me down. When I had the nightmare 2 nights ago there was a lighting storm mixed in with the snow. I woke up seeking cover from attack.

I would do just about anything to get a full nights sleep. I average 3-5. Sometimes I wish I had been the one to step on the mine, then I wouldn't be going through PTSD. Will the nightmares ever stop?

Dolphin, my heart goes out to you. I wish I had a magic wand to help take it all away. That sounds so scary and really really painful.

I wish I had wisdom and more to share, but all I know is that (for me) going to my P/T, writing here on PC (especially about the really hard stuff when I am literally afraid after I post), and doing my journal work helps alot.

Have you spoken with your P/T regarding your difficulties sleeping? I went through many nights without proper rest, too, and finally reached out and was able to take something to help me sleep. The sleeping aid I took, though, stopped "working"...

Before, I would go to sleep (happily) because I knew I wouldn't have to think about or deal with anything painful or scary for hours. It was a refuge from the storm. However, the memories managed to break through anyway Meh.

Lately, I find, the more I am dealing with things, the less I am sleeping (I am averaging 3 to 4 hours a night too and am trying to ride it out)

I experienced night terrors for awhile,too. I was terrified and alone and had no one to talk to. I didn't know what to do, so I reverted...I went straight to the coffee house ...

This part is sooo embarrassing *but true. I did it! ... I saw 2 police officers having their morning coffee and asked to sit with them for a few minutes -because it was the only way I could figure out how to feel safe. I realized how concerned they were about me - and they even told me "we are always right here. We are only 5 minutes away." - but I was too embarrassed to tell them why I asked to sit with them.

That is how I feel with my T (my touchstone and voice of reason) and here...there is someone here just 5 minutes away. I hope you feel that way, too.

[dolphin89]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

Dolphin, my heart goes out to you. I wish I had a magic wand to help take it all away. That sounds so scary and really really painful.

I wish I had wisdom and more to share, but all I know is that (for me) going to my P/T, writing here on PC (especially about the really hard stuff when I am literally afraid after I post), and doing my journal work helps alot.

Have you spoken with your P/T regarding your difficulties sleeping? I went through many nights without proper rest, too, and finally reached out and was able to take something to help me sleep. The sleeping aid I took, though, stopped "working"...

Before, I would go to sleep (happily) because I knew I wouldn't have to think about or deal with anything painful or scary for hours. It was a refuge from the storm. However, the memories managed to break through anyway Meh.

Lately, I find, the more I am dealing with things, the less I am sleeping (I am averaging 3 to 4 hours a night too and am trying to ride it out)

I experienced night terrors for awhile,too. I was terrified and alone and had no one to talk to. I didn't know what to do, so I reverted...I went straight to the coffee house ...

This part is sooo embarrassing *but true. I did it! ... I saw 2 police officers having their morning coffee and asked to sit with them for a few minutes -because it was the only way I could figure out how to feel safe. I realized how concerned they were about me - and they even told me "we are always right here. We are only 5 minutes away." - but I was too embarrassed to tell them why I asked to sit with them.

That is how I feel with my T (my touchstone and voice of reason) and here...there is someone here just 5 minutes away. I hope you feel that way, too.

Yes I do feel that way and thanks for the encouragement. It gets frustrating when you think you are the only one not sleeping. I'll be going to the VAMC on Friday and will try to get something to help with sleep. I get a little grouchy when I don't sleep

[OldSteve]

Originally Posted by dolphin89

Lately I've been having flasbacks and nightmares ( different version of the flashback). The main flashback involves landmines( bright flashing lites, loud noise), smell of blood and burnt flesh, cries of angony from both humans and animals, and I'm trying to take care of the wounded animals and humans. In real life I had to put the wounded animals out of misery using my sidearm. For an animal lover this was very traumatic especially when my hands were shaking so bad the weapon slipped.

With the nightmares it is the same scenario, but it is my family that I'm trying to save and fail, or it is my friends, or co-workers. Each time I wake up the bed and I are soaked with sweat, I'm shaking and my dogs are trying to calm me down. When I had the nightmare 2 nights ago there was a lighting storm mixed in with the snow. I woke up seeking cover from attack.

I would do just about anything to get a full nights sleep. I average 3-5. Sometimes I wish I had been the one to step on the mine, then I wouldn't be going through PTSD. Will the nightmares ever stop?

Dreams, including nightmares, are what's on your brain's mind, so to speak. I'm a combat vet whose also a shrink and have worked with other combat vets for over forty years (yeah, I'm an old fart). The brain is a learning machine - it tries to get something from all of our experiences. Ordinarily that's pretty routine but when things get stuck we start talking about trauma. You're having a talk with some friends, someone walks up and says, "What's Joe's cell number?" No one knows. You go on about your business and 20 minutes later that number pops into your head even though you weren't thinking about it. That's the brain trying to answer the question that little experience presented. Ok, the number's not a big deal and the brain will eventually drop it. But if the questions are the kind that come out of horrible situations like you've been through, the brain doesn't drop it. Even if we try to bury it, for whatever reason, when our guard is dropped (like when we're asleep) or bypassed (like when we're taken by surprise), what the brain is still stuck on comes into view. So while there are things that can be done with repeated bad dreams, usually the fastest way to get them to stop is to get on your own brain's side and go after the experience it needs to return to. This usually means, if it doesn't happen on its own, getting to a pro who knows what they are doing - they all don't - and get some assistance. I hope that makes sense. This is a very studied area in PTSD-related research.

[dolphin89]

Originally Posted by OldSteve

Dreams, including nightmares, are what's on your brain's mind, so to speak. I'm a combat vet whose also a shrink and have worked with other combat vets for over forty years (yeah, I'm an old fart). The brain is a learning machine - it tries to get something from all of our experiences. Ordinarily that's pretty routine but when things get stuck we start talking about trauma. You're having a talk with some friends, someone walks up and says, "What's Joe's cell number?" No one knows. You go on about your business and 20 minutes later that number pops into your head even though you weren't thinking about it. That's the brain trying to answer the question that little experience presented. Ok, the number's not a big deal and the brain will eventually drop it. But if the questions are the kind that come out of horrible situations like you've been through, the brain doesn't drop it. Even if we try to bury it, for whatever reason, when our guard is dropped (like when we're asleep) or bypassed (like when we're taken by surprise), what the brain is still stuck on comes into view. So while there are things that can be done with repeated bad dreams, usually the fastest way to get them to stop is to get on your own brain's side and go after the experience it needs to return to. This usually means, if it doesn't happen on its own, getting to a pro who knows what they are doing - they all don't - and get some assistance. I hope that makes sense. This is a very studied area in PTSD-related research.

It makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the advice.