[FLEA FLICKER]

I spent two tours in Vietnam 1st Marine Division Special Ops. sniper. Service 1966-1969. Last mission north of the DMZ, target high rank NVA officers prior to TET Offensive. Three other Marines killed, I hit two targets was chased by NVA for three days going south. Dropped from fatigue and sleep deprivation at LZ for pick up and extraction. Surrounded by advancing enemy, stood with pistol in my mouth to avoid capture, Army gunship came in low all guns auto, cleared the area. Arrived at medivac in state of psychosis due to sleep deprivation that passed with sleep PTSD came out of psychotic status. have never been able to sort this out. i had excellent psyc. care when i reached the States, achieved high success in the medical field with above average income. 15 hospital admissions for acute depression. 100% disability 1998 from social security(could not use VA-closed file). Current problem: Moderate Chronic Depression, and sever fatigue. any comments welcome.

....gotta open that va file again....file another claim bro'
give in...ok.....but don't give up...
no more weapons to the head mouth or whatever...
a'int gotta be that way no more.....
the va been workin' with a new rule book since '08

[Open Eyes]

Are you seeing a therapist now? It sounds like your PTSD is still being triggered and you may need more time to "consciously" find some resolve.

I am not a vet myself, but I have PTSD and I can relate to experiencing situations where there was a length of time in "hipervigilance"and being "sleep deprived" for 3 months. I also broke down and developed PTSD too. I can relate to the challenge of "sleep" as well and the Moderate Chronic Depression. If I have a challenging day, am triggered and may not know it, I don't sleep well, and I don't wake up feeling "rested". I also struggle to "feel safe enough" to just "let go" at night when I sleep. It can be a challenge because our brains are designed to process at night the things we see, and struggle with during the day.

I just want you to know that you are "not alone" in this challenge, someone else can relate. It sounds like you may not be in therapy right now, if not you should make an effort to continue to work through this on a "conscious" level so you can find your way to "letting go and resting at night" more and more.

There has been "continuing" gains in our understanding of PTSD and how people gain in treatments as well. Please make efforts to seek treatment, and make sure you don't tell yourself to give in to this challenge.

I have noticed in my own challenge with PTSD that there can be things going on in my life as well as social challenges that can "aggrivate" my PTSD and present me with again struggling to get rest at night. Once I get a chance to "connect the dots" and realize how certain interactions or seeing different things can make me feel unsettled and effect my ability to "feel safe" I have something to work on. By working through it in therapy, I make gains toward getting my sense of personal safety back and I "rest better". Also, having exposure to others and a T that can "validate' your challenge also can give you a sense of "safe" too.

Another thing to consider is that our brains are designed to feel "safer" if we are in "groups" of other humans we can "associate with and be understood" so if you take the root of "isolating" it will not help your "sense of safety". However, if you have access to others that can "relate" to how you are challenged, it slowly brings a sense back of "belonging and a "calm"" as well. So, it is also "healthy" to find a "support group" and one that will be able to "understand" the struggle and even be "forgiving" when you falter or get triggered in some way. If you are challenged in someway, and the response can bring out a "hey this is making me upset and here is how I am upset" and you can have others that "recognize" that struggle as triggering the PTSD and sense of being uncomfortable to kick in, you can make "gains".

I have found in my own struggle with PTSD that when I am interacting with others where I can "react" to a situation that triggers my PTSD in someway and I have a T and others that can say OE, yes you got really passionate there and had a lot to say, but it was good for you to get that out, yes, you needed to express that so you could "identify" the trigger and "be more consciously aware" of how your PTSD was triggered. If I have "access" to that, I find a quicker way to experiencing a "calm" simply because "others" understand and can "validate" me and can also help me to "not feel alone" and in that, I do feel better.

I agree with sparrowstail, you should work on filing another claim and get yourself back into treatment, it really "can" help you make some "gains" on the PTSD challenge. Yes, there is definitely more options for therapy now that have proven to really "help". You "can" learn how to "slowly" understand how you may be challenged in a way that agrivates PTSD as I mentioned, once you learn how to identify it, and you will, you can learn ways to overcome and actually get more rest too.

Open Eyes

[bebop]

it doesn't matter if your file is blacked out or closed. you have a claim and they want you to drop it! fight it hon! the DAV is great about helping vets with their claims. good luck!