[blackdogxx02]

I have ptsd from many many years as a Marine, I have anger issues and still dont sleep much. I belong to several ptsd boards, i was told to try this place, it might help some....

[bebop]

hi and welcome!

[WePow]

Welcome! Thank you for your service. I am sorry that you have PTSD.
It really is a difficult wound to carry inside. The anger is something that is very hard to deal with. One book my T gave me is Anger Work-Out Book. That has good help in it.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by blackdogxx02

I have ptsd from many many years as a Marine, I have anger issues and still dont sleep much. I belong to several ptsd boards, i was told to try this place, it might help some....

blackdog, thank you for your service to our country.

It's a good sign for you to be reaching out to others who are going through many of the same issues. Hard step to take but well worth it.

My PTSD is not from years of combat; it's a not so lovely thing I brought home from serving in Nam as a nurse.
Anger issues. You are very polite in saying it that way.
For myself, I was p*ssed off at "them." Those insulated ones who put us in harm's way without the backup we needed, and never took responsibility for their actions.

God forbid we asked for anything when we came home! Then and now it's a second battle to get benefits for physical and/or mental wounds. Passing the buck is a polite way of saying veterans are being screwed over.
But it did reinforce my determination to get the help I needed to stay alive...it did pay off.

Anger at myself for not getting everyone home safely. Whenever a push came in, it was decision time. This one got attention and probably lived, this one had to wait and probably died. Unless they died in our arms, we didn't know squat.
It was years before I understood that I did my best, and allowing myself to grieve was healthy for me.

Sleep scared me. The nightmares. Letting down my guard/feeling safe enough to sleep. No one had our backs, we were on our own. Christ, it was lonely!
Alcohol and drugs did a helluva good job at times in sliding me into an oblivion of sorts. Waking up could be a ******. Hangovers and heartache make a fierce combination.

...and people wonder why we seek out each other?! to make some sense of it all, try and put things in order and not feel so fragile and forgotten, finding ways to let go of the guilt, to get up in the morning knowing that day most likely will not bring relief.

It does get better.
I couldn't take it one day at a time, often it was ten excruciating minutes at a time.
Put one foot in front of the other and keep going? Hell, sometimes I didn't know where my feet were. Sloth steps were easier and it was forward movement of sorts.

Jmo, but it takes listening to others, making no judgement about it helping us, allowing ourselves time to absorb then disregard what may not be right for us.
We find our path of healing via detours, falling on our butts, taking/grasping the hand that is offered when we do fall.
So many things, blackdog.

There is no one method fits all. But there are things that will help us. Time used to be my four-letter word for FI...

Keep talking, don't give up no matter how seductive that may sound, stay close to your brothers; they are most likely battling some of the same things.

Please let us know how you are doing. We care. You don't have to go it alone.
For me, it was hearing/reading something that gave me a kernel of hope. Not a Eureka! I'm cured kernel...sometimes they were very tiny things that eased it for an iota of time. These kernels start sticking together and those iotas become minutes...

The facade we present to others can be one of bravado, for me, I felt FUBAR for a long time.

Damn I'm good at running my mouth. Sorry 'bout that...it's the sincere hope of trying to help.

Semper Fi

In Peace
Catherine

[Bishop88]

my ptsd group at the VA has informed me that our sleep will never go back to the way it has been before theater, i sleep on my couch in my living room facing the front door and have been doing so since my ETS from the military back in 2010, and the anger for me usually comes out from the stupid ****ing civilians( no offence to tho's reading )from there ignorance. Each individual has there own world when it comes to PTSD everyone has different triggers. welcome to PC im a new member just looking for a connection, my problem is that i see people as objects and not at people. message me if you would like to talk.

[Bill3]

Catherine and blackdog, thank you for your service to our country.

[doggiedo]

Welcome. Ditto - thanks to both of you.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by Bishop88

my ptsd group at the VA has informed me that our sleep will never go back to the way it has been before theater, i sleep on my couch in my living room facing the front door and have been doing so since my ETS from the military back in 2010, and the anger for me usually comes out from the stupid ****ing civilians( no offence to tho's reading )from there ignorance. Each individual has there own world when it comes to PTSD everyone has different triggers. welcome to PC im a new member just looking for a connection, my problem is that i see people as objects and not at people. message me if you would like to talk.

Bishop88, thank you for your service to our country.

Thank you for sharing!
Perhaps the VA is finally recognizing and developing programs to help veterans with PTSD. Jmo, but the most successful ones have integrated professionals into what was once an informal support group of our buds. I strongly believe what kept a lot of Nam veterans going was our huddling together and giving what we could to each other.
Back then PTSD was not recognized as such, we were being written off as cowards/weak/attention-seeking/<insert your own word>...our problems were our own and few heard our whispers for help.
Much the same as civilians with mental health problems, it was shameful to speak out. Ya just didn't "speak of those things."

Seeing people as objects may be a coping mechanism for many of us. It creates a barrier until they earn our trust. It was that way for me. Their safety and comfort were no longer of concern to me. It also meant I didn't have to feel responsible for making them feel better. I got frigging tired of soothing their feelings and fielding their damn advice...well meant advice but way out of line.

Lingering effects for me are heightened awareness of my surroundings, respecting my triggers without making excuses for them, and insisting people do not come up behind me. More than once I have c-cd someone. That has not happened in awhile because I refuse to allow people who do not respect this to be a part of my life. TS.

We learn as we go, sometimes we get stuck, and I have found it is all right to get stuck. My spirit needed the rest...

In Peace
Catherine

[Open Eyes]

As I struggle with my own PTSD it makes me feel sorry for the vets that return from duty and also have to deal with PTSD. I can't blame them for being angry, not wanting to hear thank you for your service or welcome home. I don't blame you for feeling like others could not possibly understand the constant struggle you never expected to face.

What I can say is that I am sorry that you have to continue to struggle. I am at least grateful that more attention is being given to the vets that struggle with this disorder. I do get upset when vets talk about feeling like failures of somekind because that tells me that they are not getting the right immediate care they really need. I am glad for the vets that speak out for this and let the civilians know their struggle. Because PTSD has nothing to do with being any kind of failure as a human being. You deserve a lot of respect and guidance in whatever way it takes to help you feel you have enough respect, space and time to work on whatever it takes to recover.

Open Eyes

blackdog
welcome. not a combat vet but did serious federal law enforcement at a known site for terror craziness for over a decade. major ptsd crap. my agency doesn't even acknowledge ptsd yet...for time served back in the day....

this is a good place to start...most of the people will handle your stuff & offer good advice.

i don't sleep well, get hyper vigilant the whole 9 yards.

we are hired to do a job & then never told about the whole terror aspect...trained for all sorts of stuff & then told to write wills, prepare to die etc. worked bomb dogs, had take overs, shoot/don't shoot crap...looked down barrels etc...saw the 9/11 bastards when the scoped out things prior to their run...was ready to die so many times...so yeah it wasn't combat but it felt like it..

if i can offer any help to you or support or just listen don't hesitate to ask

Hi and welcome