[Troy]

My somewhat new friend asked some questions about combat one time. Mild, acceptable questions. We were having a coke in a Washington, D.C. hotel, near the mall, near the Vietnam memorial.

I gave him some vague answers, and he probed some more, still very acceptable, not like "How many people did you kill?" that I've heard from some ppl.

So I tried to avoid answers again, and he asked some more. His body language and his questions told me he wanted to know. So I gave him a short answer, kind of a trial response, and he gave every sign of wanting the whole answer.

I told him a story, and his questions led to another, and so on.
We left there after 45 min or so in a good mood and with him making remarks about how much he appreciated me telling him this stuff.

A couple days later .... big surprise...

We were together again and he kind of took me aside with some "can I tell you something" approach. And then he chewed me out for about 10 minutes about how I had ambushed him with these stories, that he had made a simple question and that I had given him an encyclopedia's worth of answer. His main point was that I might want to watch that because most people don't want to hear it.

That "friendly advice" felt to me like the worst chewing out I'd ever had. I know these stories are too strong for most people. And I didn't even give him a very strong dose in what I did tell. I'm the one who felt ambushed by his drawing me into the telling and then chewing me out for doing it.

I was so flabbergasted that I couldn't even respond.

So how do you think I reacted the next time someone wanted to open that door? .... You're right ... it was locked tight. Like I say, "It was a walk in the park."

[bebop]

it is hard to find those we trust to tell those stories to hon. good thing some of us are like ducks!

[(JD)]

Troy, I think his reaction was over the top...and maybe because your telling of the stories triggered something in him!

I know how it is to begin a story then it's like you're right back there and it just keeps going, like there is no "good" place to stop telling the story!

If they don't want to hear it, then they need to learn not to ask! It has nothing to do with you.

You're overreacting to his reaction, ok? It's part of PTSD to overreact, though it seems like a normal reaction to you, for you...and it is "normal for ptsd!"



Telling the stories over and over doesn't seem to work after debriefing, once you already have ptsd... unless it is with a therapist who fully understands ptsd (or others who also can help you process it, by giving support_... otherwise we risk retraumatizing ourselves too... going over and over and over the stuff just doesn't seem to retrain the brain what to do with those memories...but can with a T can help us learn how to file them correctly.

[Troy]

I appreciate your perspective on this "so called new friend" ...

Your remarks about my over reacting ... I often do that, very often. I sometimes know that I'm going off the chart and rein it in, but even then, I've kind of blown it. It's like black or white with me, all the way or nothing. If I let myself react to some of the irritants of daily life, it's likely that the reaction will be too strong. Most of the time, almost all of the time, I just bury it and steam inside instead of letting others see the reaction.

Your read on the way that story was drawn out is exactly on target, it was like one thing reminded me of more details and so on. My incorrect perception of his display of trust sure lengthened the story, and there seemed no good place to end it.

And as far as telling and retelling ... I don't retell in hopes of healing from the ptsd or the event. I don't even tell the stories. These you read about in my posts are first time, just recalled.

Shud I not post them? They are not for sympathy, just trying to break the silence as they occur to me.

T.