Tears

Troy · Dec 14, 2008, 07:23 PM

Today I read the story I'd written about a day in the hospital during my recovery from combat wounds ... tears for all of those who did not survive to write their own stories.

Capp · Dec 14, 2008, 07:46 PM

((T))
let the tears flow
they don't belong in us any more. we did the best we could...

what's going on?
Cap

gimmeice · Dec 14, 2008, 09:50 PM

(((((((((((( Troy )))))))))))))))

I am sending you many warm hugs.

I will keep those who did not make it in my thoughts as well as you.

Troy · Dec 16, 2008, 02:58 PM

We did the best we could - you're right - with all the training we had, with all the equipment we had, with all the support we had, with the confusion of battle, we did the best we could...and often, that still wasn't good enough.

Capp · Dec 16, 2008, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Troy

We did the best we could - you're right - with all the training we had, with all the equipment we had, with all the support we had, with the confusion of battle, we did the best we could...and often, that still wasn't good enough.

T, my brother and my friend...please hear what my heart is trying to say to you.
We will always look back with regret and doubt...survivors guilt as it's commonly called.
That said...we cannot change the past in any way, shape, or form. It's a part--a part--of who we are. It is not our identity.
It took heartache and stupidity to understand that I still made a difference...many went home because of the actions of the medical folks, many did not because their wounds were horrific and we did not have enough of anything to save them...staying with them until they died may have been all we could do.

I cannot dishonor the good that was accomplished by the efforts of so many good people.
People like you, Troy. You failed at nothing, my friend. You may have been scared as hell but you covered backs...
Don't discount the value of your contributions during that time... and now.

I don't think it's just Vets that look back and think they didn't do enough--anyone with half a brain will wonder if they could have done more with their lives. It's called being human.
Yes, there's a difference...but their pain most likely equals ours just on a different level.

Peace and Power,
Cap

Sannah · 09:16 AM

Troy, I am sorry that you are feeling such distress. Of course I have no experience with what you are dealing with. I watched a program on the Link channel last week I think - here is the video link http://www.linktv.org/video/3242. It was about forgiveness and they had some Vietnam vets on the program. Man, was I crying watching this. I thought about you while I watched it.

www.Soldiersheart.net is the website for the program in the video.

Capp · Dec 17, 2008, 12:34 PM

decent video although it nearly became a trigger for me...
I'm glad this captain had the resources to return to Nam with understanding people and face his demons.
it was good to hear him say, "More came home because of me."
T, perhaps this is true of you but you haven't recognized it yet...

Cap

Dec 17, 2008, 02:15 PM

((troy))) please know we all care
you really matter here
crying is good, it lets it out
muffy

Troy · Dec 21, 2008, 08:47 AM

thank you so much for helping me understand all of this. It all happened so long ago but it seems like yesterday. I haven't watched he video yet. I know it will start the replay of so many other videos, some never viewed since they were taped and filed in the back of my mind.

my actions and attitude did help a lot of teens come home - helping them survive was my primary mission even when the Army assigned others, even when we achieved missions, my personal mission was to get GI's through the battles and back to the real world...this wasn't the attitude of everyone, and i was even criticized by superiors for voicing my personal mission (never criticized by soldier, you can bet on that).

Capp · Dec 21, 2008, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Troy

thank you so much for helping me understand all of this. It all happened so long ago but it seems like yesterday. I haven't watched he video yet. I know it will start the replay of so many other videos, some never viewed since they were taped and filed in the back of my mind.

my actions and attitude did help a lot of teens come home - helping them survive was my primary mission even when the Army assigned others, even when we achieved missions, my personal mission was to get GI's through the battles and back to the real world...this wasn't the attitude of everyone, and i was even criticized by superiors for voicing my personal mission (never criticized by soldier, you can bet on that).

Troy,
Thank you for checking in...I hope you are doing all right.

It's a gift that you understand the good that you did under the circumstances. Don't ever forget it, Troy.
Those who didn't make it home--including one of my younger brothers--know that we did our best.
We need to accept it, also. It does not take away all the tears, but it can give us comfort if we let it.

Cap

Troy · Dec 21, 2008, 01:24 PM

Loss of your brother is a real tragedy, Cap ... I'm very sorry right along with your entire family. Somehow, the enemy thinks that killing our soldiers will make us "give up the fight." They just cannot understand that their atrocities feed our anger and our rage. When they try to hurt our troops, we become even more ferocious. Maybe it's the same with them, but it only makes things worse for the enemy when they attack.

And the rage grows when our commanders make bad decisions, when they want objectives taken and then give them away, when they want territory covered only to pull back, when they send troops on senseless missions.

Argue as we may, the ground commanders don't have much say in where front line troops go or how long they stay.

There should be a monument to your family - but as one guy told me one time, there is already a monument for your family - it's called freedom.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capp

Troy,
Thank you for checking in...I hope you are doing all right.

It's a gift that you understand the good that you did under the circumstances. Don't ever forget it, Troy.
Those who didn't make it home--including one of my younger brothers--know that we did our best.
We need to accept it, also. It does not take away all the tears, but it can give us comfort if we let it.

Cap

Capp · Dec 21, 2008, 05:31 PM

Troy, thank you...

I honestly believe each and every one of us is a testament of courage and determination. We have our own demons that we fight and many we destroy...at the very least we shake off their hold on us and keep them at bay.

The old bumper sticker;
"If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you read it in English, thank a soldier."

I don't believe the second part is honored as much as the first. Perhaps in our lifetimes that will change...

Peace and Power, brother
Cap

Troy · Dec 22, 2008, 10:31 AM

You're exactly right. The world has gone crazy. Maybe there were always cowards who wanted to appease the enemy. Maybe there were always ppl who criticized the military who protected them. But in recent years it seems like 100% of the ppl blame the warriors who protect them instead of the killers who start the problems. And when everything is over, they blame us for acting weird.

nowheretorun · Dec 22, 2008, 10:00 PM

((Troy))) ( the Family of Military Service Members): your words have often turned my sight inward to question what man am i? many times a hero as you has shown me truths... your many sacrifices are my debts... your Service will never be forgotten Sir... integrity is in your words... you have shaped this place of ours called home... Blessings are meant to be yours... May we all have Peace on our Earth... Sending the Seasons Best Hopes..

Dec 22, 2008, 10:25 PM

((((troy ))))))) you are a good person. You matter very much
please know I care and for all that you have done.
muffy

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