[pegasus]

This post is not getting at anyone nor is it directed at any particular member. It's just an idea.

I wondered if we could have a new rule brought in that stops members that leave, then coming back and then leaving again. I do not feel this is a good pattern to get into. I had a thought that maybe admin could bring in a rule that states, 'Once a member leaves they will be allowed back again once only. If a member decides they wish to leave again then they must understand they will not be allowed back as it does cause some upset amongst members of the community.'

Like I said, this is not directed at anyone in particular and I am glad for those members that do come back, just don't want to see them go again...

Hmmm, perhaps instead of members saying they are "leaving", maybe they could just say they're taking a break? And if their break ends up becoming permanent, then they could privately tell their friends, close their account, etc...thus not upsetting others on the forum.

[englishteacher]

I'd hate to think that leaving the forum would block me from returning, but I'll be the first to admit that if I'm in good shape, I may very well not check into the forum for ...well, however long I'm in good shape. It's not that I want to abandon the people I've met here who have been so supportive and loving. It's just that if I'm in a good place, I get busy doing other things. Perhaps a question for clarity: What exactly does "leaving" mean?

[Yoda]

How would this rule be therapeutic?

I cannot say that I support it. Personally I am close to taking a break myself right now but I won't be closing my account, I'll just disappear for awhile. Why is this anybody's concern but my own?

[pegasus]

Sorry, I'm not talking about people taking a break, I'm talking about members that actually close their account completely and then return, and then do the same thing again. Of course everyone is entitled to take a break.

ohseedee - leaving posts were banned some time ago due to the upset it caused.

I'm talking specifically about members that delete their accounts.

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by Yoda

How would this rule be therapeutic?

I cannot say that I support it. Personally I am close to taking a break myself right now but I won't be closing my account, I'll just disappear for awhile. Why is this anybody's concern but my own?

Again, I'll state, of course anyone can take a break!

Stopping those that delete their accounts only to rejoin and then do exactly the same thing. This would be therapeutic to the community in that it would stop a lot of hurt and upset and help those to stick with us!

[englishteacher]

Oh, I wouldn't even think of deleting my account...why would someone do that????

[ECHOES]

Leaving and coming back may be something a person needs to do, or needs to do to become aware of.

I would not like any new rules. There are enough rules. Peace and Hugs.

[pegasus]

It happens from time to time a member will have their account deleted or closed because they feel they will never return but you see, PC is such a good place that an awful lot of people do return and open a new account. It is great to see them come back but sometimes they will close their account again and then rejoin again etc. This can become upsetting as friendships are made and lost and made and lost... you get the picture!

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Leaving and coming back may be something a person needs to do, or needs to do to become aware of.

I would not like any new rules. There are enough rules. Peace and Hugs.

Leaving and coming back once is fine. Lesson learnt! But to do it several times, how does that help?

I agree with pegs

[englishteacher]

Although I can certainly see how leaving could hurt others who would certainly miss them, ultimately we are here to seek and give support. So...who's to say that it's okay to bann people for leaving...maybe that's what they needed at the time.

[AAAAA]

I respectfully disagree with you Peg. There is no possible way to prevent triggering everyone, that's just not realistic.

I do recall the time the "I'm leaving" posts were banned and I think Doc John handled that situation beautifully. In my opinion the posts were being used as attention seeking devices and manipulation tools. These types of posts were banned and situation solved.

If a person decides to leave, and they are in good standing, what logical reason would the site have from preventing them from returning? This is a support site. If I decide for whatever reason to close my account, then a week, month, or year later something happens and I need the support I found here again I should be denied that support because someone finds it annoying that I've closed my account? Where do we draw the line? What is the difference to you (generic) if I close my account or just not log on for three months? Should we then have a rule that if you don't log in once in a 30 day period my account is then closed for me? Some issues are our own and we just need to deal or use that blissful ignore button, in my opinion this is one of that situations.

Leaving and coming back once is fine. Lesson learnt! But to do it several times, how does that help?

What is the lesson? How does that help what?

I do not understand how the choices I may make prevents anyone else from using PC in the manner they are accustomed to. To make a rule that arbitrarily restricts my freedom of choice is not something I am interested in.

[Elysium]

My personal opinion is that whether a person is leaving (deleting their account) and coming back, or just taking a break to return later...they are still leaving and coming back.

What I have seen here on PC is that it is not the process of the people leaving and then returning, so much as it is the people leaving, tossing it in people's faces, which then can, does, and will trigger abandonment fears in certain folks.

My question for you Pegs is, you are not the one who has the responsibility to delete accts or re-open them. This is Admins responsibility. If it is not triggering you or causing you problems personally, what is your issue whether folks come and go? And why is it your concern whether they are allowed to re-open their account?

I think the guidelines are fine the way they are, but more folks here need to have respect for them and not post their "i'm leaving" tantrums. If they want to leave, let them. It's Admins responsibility to monitor/regulate this, not ours.

I have never read a post from anyone else stating they had an issue with people closing/opening accounts. But I have read posts telling how difficult it is for folks who get triggered by the "ggodbye/Hello" posts.

There are folks here who's illnesses impact their personality(ies) and who aren't always able to make the best judgments or decisions. These behaviors are symptoms of their disorder(s). Why punish them for their symptoms? That would be like saying depressed people couldn't post anymore if they posted about wanting to die. And that doesn't sound very supportive to me.

I think it is best to leave things as they are and work on practicing patience, tolerance, good self care, and understanding.

Besides, if a person is not abusing/harassing me, or anyone else, who am I to care what they do with their account?

[sanityseeker]

I understand Peg that you are trying to spare those people who get hurt in the fray when someone leaves PC. I have witnessed it over the years and it has concerned me too but I don't think we can win for loosing on this one. Someone will be hurt no matter which way we go. The 'taking a break' rule seems the best compromise.

For me personally I have elected not to re-engage with people who do that habitually because it does pain me to deal with the emotions that get trigger in me when someone impulsively runs away again and again. I have been drawn into dramas that have been unhealthy and over invested in people in crisis and I won't go there again. I regret that I can't provide those friends support any more but at the end of the day I am here for my recovery and enabling over people to act badly is one of the reasons I got so sick in the first place.

Besides.... what is to stop anyone from coming back as someone new and over time revealing that they were here before. Banning would be impossible even if it were practical. Far be it for us to close the door on anyone who needs support. As members we just need to be aware that anything could happen and to be careful.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Leaving and coming back once is fine. Lesson learnt! But to do it several times, how does that help?

We don't all learn with only one lesson. What is the lesson anyway? Might be different lessons for different folks.

In life, people come and people go. Sometimes they come back. Sometimes they don't. Maybe that is another lesson...

[mafub]

Imposing such an arbitrary rule seems to go against the grain of the purpose we are here. People come, people go, people get help, people get hurt, and so it goes. Why would PC close its doors when it does not know the specifics of the "why" of such things? Those coming, leaving, returning...there is value in each story, why would there be a "rule" to stop these journeys? Why would PC not accept back the "prodigal son?" When entering PC I had the feeling this was as close to a "safe place" as was available at the time. It would seem that PC would be a perfect place to have an "opt-in, opt-out" freedom at any time. Please, leave us with freedoms here that the "outsiders" would not allow. Where is the understanding of the people that have major difficulties in life, and remain in a flux of trying to do what they can, if they can, when they can, where they can? That compassionate understanding is here!

[sanityseeker]

well said afub.

[Sabrina]

Personally, I now ignore those that leave and come back and leave and come back. I can't understand the behaviour and it is easier for me to just ignore it.