Okay, I am going to speak my mind. There has been CLEAR situations discussed on PC where it is 100% unethical stuff T's are doing. I KNOW because my old T was one of them.

If anyone is sensitive to that, IT IS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Has anyone visited the other forum in psychotherapy???? Now there are some examples of this definitely there. If we are going to have a whole board on this type of thing of having romantic feelings for our T, then there needs to be better guidelines on what is acceptable responses to that. Because if there are clients in love with their T's, there is going to be T's in love with their clients and unethical things happening.... Maybe some stickys on the top, with articles concerning this and what to do about it.

I guess it comes down how and what is considered support. Yes, I feel it is okay to say you see red flags. I am glad people told me because it gave me the info 2yrs ago to fire my T because he was unethical.

But if I got the responses that Dreamseeker did on something so mild compared to other stuff that has been shared on PC, I would have left the site and felt very judged and unsupported.

That is the exact opposite of what needs to happen. We need to support those who may or may not be in unethical relationships with their T's because they will need the support either way.

Stating conflicting opinions more than once against a posters original views to me is being verbally abusive in itself to that other poster especially when you can tell that person is getting distressed from it. There is no need for this bully behavior even if it is clear the situation is unethical. This doesn't help the poster, only makes them go away when it is support they need more than ever.
I have followed Dreamers story for a long time and I see no red flags if you look at the entire history of the relationship.

Dreamer is a valued member here and someone who needs our support and quite frankly has been a huge supporter to me and others. I am deeply sadden by this.

I would like to hear from the owner of this site about this. No member should be harassed and made to feel so bad that they have to leave. ,
I have been a member for over 3 years, and if that kind of stuff happened to me, I would leave too.

[AAAAA]

Perhaps you'd get a speedier response if you pm'd Doc John or the Mods of that forum directly.

[pegasus]

Yes, please alert any suspect posts or non-supportive replies by clicking the 'Report post' button. Admin/mods usually look at reported posts very quickly and remove offending posts.

This isn't about reporting posts, because this thread has already been locked. This is about a change in guidelines. Kinda like on the depression boards you can't say you are going to commit suicide, or on the DID playground where you don't talk about serious issues of dealing with DID.

I think there needs to be guidelines in posts in the therapy section where a poster respondent feels that someone's T is being unethical. I feel it is okay to say you see a potential problem or a red flag. But when another respondent constantly hammers someone about their T over and over with numerous posts in the same thread and it is clearing causing the original poster to become very upset , upset enough they have to leave forever, than something needs to be done about this. Closing a thread is not enough.
T relationships are a special and unique thing, not all T's are the same, nor are all therapies the same and not all clients are the same. This sort of thing, if someone see's a potential problem with someone's therapist should be handled with more care. You can't strong arm someone into doing something, even if the T is being clearly unethical. Respect and kindness is the best way to support the poster. If one keeps attacking their T, is only serves to alienate the other poster, making them leave maybe their only support system because they feel unsupported and judged.

Even in an unethical situation with a T, you have to remember that the client could be very well attached to their T, in fact it is very common. With so many people in therapy due to formal abuse situations, they may not even see a T being abusive, and it may take time before they are able or strong enough to leave them. It is a delicate situation and while we should say something if we see a problems, it shouldn't get to point where it becomes abusive. There is a real problem when this happens when a T's behavior is in the gray area.

With the new section about clients having romantic feelings for their T, you can see an increase in posts that talk about actual unethical behaviors in T's because they tend to go together. Now most situations are going to be common erotic transference where a T knows how to handle this correctly. But there are more unethical T's then we really know about because it usually doesn't get reported like it should.

I think there should also be some articles saved at the top for the warning signs of a T being unethical, so a poster can look those over whenever, and doesn't get bombarded with anther poster telling them that their T is being unethical.

For me who has been in the situation of having an unethical T, I know trying to force me into believing my T was unethical didn't work. But reading articles did along with posters being gentle about it. It isn't like a client can just turn off their feelings and attachments for a T (regardless of the type of feelings) and just leave them.

I feel we lost a valuable poster who was a great source of support to others, and all because she wasn't respected in the end because she didn't agree with all the numerous attacks against her therapist. There are just a better ways for respondents to respond to their feelings about seeing red flags in someone else therapy.

I am writing about this publicly because I feel this an important topic and I don't believe in shoving problems under the rug. (something I learned doesn't work) I would like to hear from Doc John mostly, as he is the one who can change things and put guidelines in place here.

[DocJohn]

exoticflower... I don't disagree with you and I wish we had caught that thread earlier on to prevent some of the seeming "piling on" that occurred. It wasn't fair to dreamseeker and it wasn't the kind of reaction she was looking for. By the time someone did finally report the thread to us and we intervened, it was already too late.

There are over 1,000 new posts per day to our community -- we do not read each one. The only we know a thread or post is inappropriate is if you -- our members -- report it by clicking on the little notebook icon next to the post in question. This was eventually done with this thread, but not until it had already progressed badly.

In fact, after we intervened, one of the members who had derailed the thread felt extremely bad about it and apologized to us. The damage had already been done and dreamseeker left because of it... but it goes to show you that sometimes people can get caught up in the heat of an argument without always realizing it (and the hurt they're causing others).

Some members were aware of dreamseeker's leaving and asked her to reconsider, or to at least give it some time for reflection, but she decided to leave. I feel badly about it, but that was her decision.

We learned something about the value of trying to put these fires out as soon as possible, but sadly we're not always able to do that.

DocJohn

Thanks Doc John for responding.

What about the idea of presenting information as a sticky on the top of the page that would give warning signs of problems with therapists who become unethical sexually. I am thinking the therapy board or the smaller section of those who have romantic feelings.

Like this one....http://kspope.com/sexiss/sexencyc.php

[DocJohn]

Sure, you're welcomed to post such a thread in the appropriate forum and we'll be happy to sticky it.

[embarassed]

That thread did get a little out of hand, although I think the members who posted critical messages did so out of genuine concern for dreamseeker.

I truly understand Dreamer on why you left.. (hugs to you))))

[darkrunner]

Oh, EF......
you really did it.
If you are still reading, I'm sorry you felt like you had to leave.
It seems like you really tried to work things out. Maybe some more time would have helped. But I can understand your decision.
I just wanted to say I noticed, and i believe there is a place for you here, for you to get support, where your issues can be understood and supported. I don't know what else to say. I just feel really badly and I hope you are doing ok.