[globularrae]

Personality disorders seem to come up a lot in the Survivors of Abuse forum, whether someone is asking survivors about a PD or a survivor is recalling an abuser that has a PD. Usually at least one user diagnosed with a PD will take offense and begin defending the disorder or their own behavior, and invalidate what other users have said about the PD and validate the abuse. It’s not supportive and as someone with an abuse and rape history I already have problems with distorted memories and dissociation, I don’t think it’s helpful to be telling survivors their perception is unreliable or that they have to be sympathetic to their abuser.

I’m not suggested PDs be banned, tons of people with PDs are also abuse survivors, I just wondered if we could append to the Guidelines that No Diagnosis Gives Someone The Right To Abuse Another Person.

THANKS FOR POSTING!

[Fuzzybear]

Thank you for posting this

[marmaduke]

Agree.

And I do not believe that having a PD = I can get away with abuse.
Excuses should not be made for abuse.
My mother was NPD a cold creature without empathy.
Could she help it?
Um. Mother knew what she was doing she took great glee in causing me hurt (mostly emotional) She used to say with a smirk 'You don't have to hit someone to hurt them'

Then, to get someone suggest 'she couldn't help' it and that I should forgive and 'understand' her is hurtful, invalidating.
And by the way, in my case my mother had NOT been abused as a child, nor was she tormented or unhappy, she was just nasty woman. A perpetrator not a victim.

To assume a nasty type is automatically 'unhappy' is not correct. To believe that would be the same as me insisting every nice kind person is automatically 'happy'. It varies with the individual.

I was a helpless child, mother didn't give a f##k about me. Why should I care about her?

[starfruit504]

Thanks for this post it means a lot to me

[lizardlady]

I agree that any diagnosis does not excuse abuse. Had a prof in grad school who used to say that just because something was explainable didn't mean it was acceptable.

[DocJohn]

Thank you for the suggestions...

All of this is already covered by our existing guidelines. Please use the report function to report an unsupportive post or a post where someone is blaming the person who was abused. These are clearly not supportive posts.

Thank you,
DocJohn

I know exactly what you are referring to, OP. There're several members who suffer from PDs themselves who like to give helpful "advice."

This is so true. Very validating

Originally Posted by marmaduke

Agree.

And I do not believe that having a PD = I can get away with abuse.
Excuses should not be made for abuse.
My mother was NPD a cold creature without empathy.
Could she help it?
Um. Mother knew what she was doing she took great glee in causing me hurt (mostly emotional) She used to say with a smirk 'You don't have to hit someone to hurt them'

Then, to get someone suggest 'she couldn't help' it and that I should forgive and 'understand' her is hurtful, invalidating.
And by the way, in my case my mother had NOT been abused as a child, nor was she tormented or unhappy, she was just nasty woman. A perpetrator not a victim.

To assume a nasty type is automatically 'unhappy' is not correct. To believe that would be the same as me insisting every nice kind person is automatically 'happy'. It varies with the individual.

I was a helpless child, mother didn't give a f##k about me. Why should I care about her?

I agree 100%.

[SoScorpio]

It's interesting I saw this just now. I've never been on the Survivors forum, but I was thinking about someone I used to know who I now suspect had Borderline and Histrionic PDs. She did horrible things, and I now think a lot of it was due to these problems... but still, I don't think that means she should be unconditionally forgiven. She actually was abusive to her boyfriend, in the middle of our school.
I don't think any disorders she had absolve her of responsibility for hurting people though, and I definitely agree that this isn't the place to argue about it.