Originally Posted by divine1966

... I don’t waste precious time on feeding people BS or encouraging detrimental victim mentality but I think it’s important to provide some explanation and clarification when posting constructive criticism.
....

So, you see people venting here as BS and victim mentality? I don't think you understand what most people are doing here, then. They don't want constructive criticism or even advice most of the time.

[DocJohn]

I didn't say nor mean to imply that there was only one "true" way to reply to other people's posts. Our guidelines don't suggest that either.

What they do say is to err on the side of humanity and thoughtfulness in that we ask people to try and be supportive in their replies. That unless you know the OP personally (and most people here don't, since we have so many members), it's probably best to try your best to put your advice in an empathetic tone or construction.

If I see you as offering advice or your perspective out of compassion and caring, I'm far more likely to see it as your trying to help. If, instead, you're brusque and act as if you know me and know the only one right way to respond, behave, or feel in a given situation, I'm far less likely to feel positive about that kind of reply.

Although we're in a text medium here, tone can be inferred from the words and smileys we use. Some people put more thought and time into their responses than others. I think it tends to help the OP when we do take the time to respond in a mindful or thoughtful manner. (But of course, it's so much easier to just throw off a quick reply in this day and age...)

Of course things vary from person to person, OP to OP, and whether you have some sort of acquaintance or relationship with the member. We only act on reported posts here, so if the thread is going fine and everyone seems to be okay with what was said, then it'll never even come to our attention.

In short, no, there's no one "right" way to respond to something. I'm talking more about ways you can ensure your response will not only be published here in the forums, but actually heard and listened to by the OP.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Background Noise

So, you see people venting here as BS and victim mentality? I don't think you understand what most people are doing here, then. They don't want constructive criticism or even advice most of the time.

I don’t think you understood my post. If somebody is just venting and isn’t asking for advice (and let people know that) , then I am not offering advice. I am talking about someone asking for advice and in response to their request I am not going to feed them BS to make myself feel important, I am going to offer advice that could help to improve their lives. I help a lot of people so your outrage is misplaced

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t think you understood my post. If somebody is just venting and isn’t asking for advice (and let people know that) , then I am not offering advice. I am talking about someone asking for advice and in response to their request I am not going to feed them BS to make myself feel important, I am going to offer advice that could help to improve their lives. I help a lot of people so your outrage is misplaced

OK I see. So, people who validate others who vent are feeding BS and encouraging victim mentality according to you. Thanks for clarifying.

As I said, many here are just venting and looking for support and validation. If anyone seeks help and advice they would go to a professional.

[sarahsweets]

I think when people ask questions or for advice I take them at face value. If that is what they want I give it and I do try and do it nicely although it doesnt always come off that way. If someone is asking for advice but then doesnt like the advice they get from multiple people then what?

[healingme4me]

I would still hope that wishful would reconsider staying. I still say caught in the cross fire of that time and day but...

[Taylor27]

I hope you stay Wishful you have good insights to things and i like reading your posts when I come across them. No one will agree with each other all the time. People who ask for advice are opening them selfs to a different view point and sometimes it's not what the poster was hoping to hear and I know sometimes in my own life i may not want to hear things that people tell me, however it's sometimes that thing thats said that will help me get myself out of what ever I needed help/advice with. I hope my post makes sense. Hugs

[MickeyCheeky]

I hope WishfulThinker66 will come back here as well. I have always liked her posts here. Sending many hugs to her