[TigerCaat]

Wow! I have been looking for an online CPTSD group for weeks now and stumbled across this by mistake!

My very first post that I read, I thought OMG this is me.

Sorry, I'm a hyper person, so I'll try to keep the !!! to a limit.

I was emotionally abused by my mother and abandoned by my father. I think my development "arrested" at around the age of 3. While I am surely an adult and can be responsible, certain situations can spiral me in to a flash back that can be filled with anxiety, panic, shame, fear and helplessness.

I tried therapy a few years ago and did make some progress. I made the choice to let my mother stop being my mother. I quit hoping that she would one day become the loving, caring person that I really needed her to be, instead of the micro-managing, self-involved, victim that she's played her entire life.

When my therapist wanted me to begin trying to make contact with my inner-child, for some reason I was filled with rage and couldn't do it. I was SOOOO mad at this little kid.

But recently I tried again. It wasn't really anything special, I just made some positive, supportive statements to her. I reminded her that she wasn't alone and that she always has me to take care of her. I'm just going to say right here.. it freaked me out that she talked back.

So I'm not crazy??

We've been talking for about a week. She really frustrates me because she is so stubborn and gets her feelings hurt so easily. then she gets mad and she's just done. She's afraid of everything. Loud noises, no noise, yelling and she interprets facial expressions, responses and gestures as personal and intended towards hurting her. Sometimes, its all I can do to calm her down.

I had no idea this was going on inside me.

Anyway, Hi

[CANDC]

TigerCaat, Sorry to hear you have suffered emotional and other abuse. No child should have to live through that and the uncertainty. Many people find that PTSD demands of them someone to be an advocate for them so they choose a therapist specializing in PTSD to help them stay stable.

Getting sleep may be the single one thing that keeps me in balance. If you are not sleeping or having bad side affects, you might want to contact your doctor or psychiatrist and tell them what is happening so you can make adjustments.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

This article talks about self care. Seeing what you have been through some self nurturing may be just what you need along with some hugs.
What is Loving Self-Care | In Your Own Hands

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central TigerCaat!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator if you need help navigating the forums. It may take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being reviewed by our moderators.

I'm so glad you found us!!!!!

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

Some forums:

Post-traumatic Stress - Forums at Psych Central

Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central

[kaliope]

hi tiger caat
i am happy that you found us. has your therapist questioned if you have a dissociative disorder? could your inner child be an alter? i was treated for several years after both my psych doc and therapist suspected it but never did anything to investigate it and i just got worse and worse. then i got a trauma therapist and found out i was DID and the inner children i have dealt with for years were actually alters. i have much the same conversations with them as you are describing. it is worth asking about. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[TigerCaat]

Thanks for the responses. I'll keep you posted on the "small child".