Not sure

I'm not sure if this is the right place for me to be. I feel like the descriptions of Complex PTSD fit. I engage myself in a lot of self-hatred and guilt.

I find myself not being able to speak about certain things. But my experience was really not that bad....

Everyone suggests that I talk about this. But to who? Myself? It never makes much sense to other people when I try to explain the whole thing. So I try explaining in different parts. Actually, normally I just give up. I just feel like a terrible person.

It's been getting worse. I start to feel pain in my chest. But it goes away eventually. I don't smoke and I don't have asthma. Is this what is called somatization?

Living in the past is bad. But so is burying things in the past right? Or is that good? I'm confusing myself. Sorry for rambling. I should just do something about it instead of talking. I hate feeling like an attention seeker.

What you are describing sounds very much like repressed feelings. Only a trained professional like a therapist, doctor or psychologist can know how to better get you to express these thoughts and feelings. It is very possible that these feelings surface for only a short time and that is why you feel like you cannot verbalize them as they are then back down in your subconscious mind. Living in the past is bad unless you are working on some issues with a clinician.

I have C-PTSD and I started having stomach trouble when I was 15. I had no medical reason for it. I was really traumatized and stressed from my home life. I also got irritable bowel syndrome again due to stress. The only thing I have left is GERD and that has shown to be a physical component by tests. The origin still could be stress from childhood abuse in my case. I don't think you are an attention seeker. Our body encompasses stress so this is a sign that something emotional is stirring. Hope this helps and go ahead and let your doctor know. There is help for all of this.

Thanks sideblinded. I really need to find a doctor. I don't currently have one.

connect.the.stars,

It could be that you have challenges with anxiety or depression. The first thing you should do is have a physical to just make sure you are ok physically. Then, you should make sure your hormone levels are ok too, some women have big mood swings with their cycles that create these emotional challenges. Hormones can really present some big swings to where a person can get very irritable or low. Some birth control medications can make this same challenge happen too. I know someone that could not take birth control for that reason, led to experiencing depression.

So, it's always the first plan of action is physical/hormonal.

Thank you OE

Does it cost a lot to do a hormone check? (I've never done one before.)

I'll need to do some research to look for a new general practitioner.

You should establish your own GP and gynocologist too. Hormone check is easy, it's a blood test, at least that is what they did to check mine and mine was totally absent of estrogen which was from a side effect of an implant put in me to stop my menstral cycles. That caused such a bad depression I could not even get out of bed or function.

I do'nt think the stuff with me was that bad either but I know it's been bothering me for many years and now that ive done enough research on it I believe that is why I have gerd . I have spoken with you a little in chat and I think you're an excellent person with great potential to improve you're situation. It bothers me to post about things too but it could help you should do it. We are all anonymous here.Even though I don't know what they are I'm sorry about the things that happened and if they affected you a lot then they are important even if even if some people don't think so

Thank you rainwind. One day I may be able to write about it all here. I realize I also need to learn to forgive everyone, not just myself, in order for me to move on. I hope your efforts to let out your thoughts have helped you get closer to healing

i hope you find the solace you need. i also have C-PTSD and am here always if you want to chat.