[Trace14]

A friend sent me an email and talked about her days of Social Worker and working with troubled kids. That brought on a flashback that pretty much consumed me for a couple days. Especially when I wrote out why it was a trigger for me in case she asked, but she didn't. But writing that out I think made it a little harder and is the core reason I mistrust Counselors and such.
Is it normal for a flashback to consume you for that long?

[Creative ToFu]

Did the thoughts and feelings from the flashback last that long or did the actual flashback last that long?
I haven't had a flashback last that long, but the feelings and the stuff if brings up has lasts several days or so until I could get some relieve with my therapist to calm my body down. Sometimes it would give me nightmares too.
Are you okay?

[Open Eyes]

I can have a flashback and then struggle through a cycle for a day or two afterwards, so I think what you are talking about is a PTSD cycle. It took me a while to understand that and learn to be patient with them so I could work through them.

It's good that you came up with the core reason you struggle with counselors. I have had that challenge myself, had to have therapy for bad therapy.

[Trace14]

No the flashback it's self didn't last that long it was the depletion of energy and thought that did, other than that memory. It's interesting how simple a trigger may be and how devastating it will be. There's just no way to prepare, no wonder people avoid people and places. Pretty safe to say I will not trigger myself in my own home, I think.
This happened a couple of days ago but I couldn't write about it till now.

[Open Eyes]

Ok, yes, you had a trigger that produced a flashback and then you went into a PTSD cycle.
Yes, cycles are very tiring but they always mean something. Yes, you are right, there is now way to prepare for them, however, after a while you will begin to get to a point where enough surface that you have a lot of them slowly in front of you where you can begin to work through them.

What is really helpful with this challenge is having someone that understands this and can listen and be supportive while you work through these triggers. What they mean are times in your life where your subconscious pattern was disturbed.

This friend could have talked about troubled kids in a way that reminded you of your own personal troubled history? I remember you saying you moved out when you were only 16 right? So you probably faced some challenges with that, you survived whatever it was, but perhaps you are looking back on that period in a different light. I am just guessing here, not assuming anything.

Whatever it is, is a part of your own personal history and while it may not have been ideal, you grew and developed as a person in spite of it. I had to think about these things myself and I was surprised at what came forward. I did not experience these kind of challenges right away, most of if not all of the post traumatic stress revolved around what I had lost in the now. What I finally realized is how it all connected to the significance of what I lost that was very personal to me.

Each of us have our own personal subconscious houses. We get so we know where everything is, it is private very personal and unique to us too. Often there are things we put away and forget about too. PTSD disturbs that and then we begin to have things come up that we don't know where to or how to put back or organize.

The problem is "its intrusive" it happens even when we don't want it to happen. It's scary and impossible to explain to others. When it happens, it flashes and then the person experiences a cycle. The only thing you can do is "be patient" until it finally finishes cycling, and yes that can be very inconvenient. When it happens a person is not in "the now" either, often they feel it as though they are in that past instead. That is very unsettling, I know it so well myself.

The key is once you realize what it is, acknowledge it, "yes I remember, that did happen, but it is not happening in the now, I am safe now". As you do this, these episodes actually do get weaker.

You have said that what brought this on was what happened with your father. What you experienced with that is very "traumatic". What will be taking place is your history up to that point, and that will include anything that you experienced that was also traumatic too. Your had your subconscious house adjusted in spite of whatever negatives you experienced, that included your father being put in his place, well, that changed dramatically. That is like being wacked in the head where your house got very disturbed.

That trauma produced an injury, healing that is going to take time. And yes, it does present unexpected additional challenges too.

[Trace14]

What is this PTSD cycle you talk about?

[Open Eyes]

It is just what you descibed experiencing, a trigger/flashback that stuns you and lasts for a day or two. Sometimes they disorient as you discribed, sometimes present a day or two of feeling very depressed, then you can begin to feel better.

I have had them where I feel weepy all day, then it passes or I feel angry, then it passes. I have learned to be patient when they happen, they do tire me out. Sometimes I know I am having an episode because I get so I feel overwhelmed, what I found is that if I lay down, and it's quiet and I relax my mind even if I don't sleep after 1/2 hour to 45 minutes it goes away and I can get up and do better.

[Trace14]

felt more angry with this one and was snapping at most people that crossed my path. Will have to apologize to some later. I HATE that feeling and the paranoia that comes with not knowing what, or where this will happen again.

[Open Eyes]

Yes, I know just what you are discribing. You have been hurt in a very deep place, when someone hits that area it's very sensitive and I found that I would react in anger before I consciously made the decision to react. My husband has gotten the worst of it, however, he is the most intrusive because he has always been pushy and controlling. He was so bad that when I drove he literally called every turn and light as though I was totally incapable of driving and I reacted to that behavior extremely angry. But it was more like an exaggerated startle response that shot out of me before any conscious decision to react at all. My husband is a very "in your face and space" kind of person. However, this is due to his two learning disabilities and luckily my therapist did notice it right away when he finally got to meet him. My husband is famous for talking over, talking past and cutting me off, trying to "control" the conversations, even finishing my sentences and concluding things I am saying that takes away from what I am saying.

With PTSD the subconscious is very challenged, and auto pilot is not working very well at all, that is what people are discribing when they ask "why can't I just like I used to". I can't say enough to be "patient" with self and if these angry episodes take place, allow yourself to figure out the reasons for the anger and I found that has helped a lot.

I find that the subconscious doesn't like when things are out of place either. For example when you go to find something and it isn't there, someone moved it, that can set off a trigger. It isn't so much the item, it is it being "out of place" that can trigger that burst of anger.

[Trace14]

I understand.