[pinkvilla]

I am experiencing shame from an incident that happened 20 yrs ago.When I wake up and frequently during the day,that incident is remembered and I can feel the shame.

Is this anyway ptsd?? I am a narcissistic abuse survivor and hence feel shame for every little mistake. But this particular one is a major one ,I can't let go.My regular therapist says just let it go.But can't seem to do it.I'm wondering what to do.

[Open Eyes]

This is one of the symptoms of PTSD, shame. If a person experienced abuse or a trauma of somekind they have a deep sense of shame that they did not do something to stop the abuse or trauma. It is good that you are recognizing these "shame" flashbacks and it takes "time and patience" to slowly work through whatever took place that created these deep feelings of shame.

[Skeezyks]

Hello pinkvilla: The Skeezyks would not be in a position to say whether or not the shame you feel could be related to PTSD. The Skeezyks does, however, have a lot of experience with shame as well as with it's significant other... guilt... held over many decades in fact.

Personally what I have found works for me is to practice what is called "compassionate abiding"... in other words... simply being with the emotion, allowing it to be present, leaning into it, breathing with it, & allowing it to pass away at its own pace. Sometimes I will even smile to it & place my hand over my heart as a sign of my acceptance of & compassion for it. My experience tells me that trying to stuff these emotions down or cut them off simply makes them keep coming back... sometimes stronger than ever. And, you're correct. It's one thing for someone to say: "Let them go." It's quite something else to do it. I wish you well...

Originally Posted by pinkvilla

I am experiencing shame from an incident that happened 20 yrs ago.When I wake up and frequently during the day,that incident is remembered and I can feel the shame.

Is this anyway ptsd?? I am a narcissistic abuse survivor and hence feel shame for every little mistake. But this particular one is a major one ,I can't let go.My regular therapist says just let it go.But can't seem to do it.I'm wondering what to do.

I have the same thing, often unrelated to the trauma's themselves but by something in my warped cptsd mind that I've done,that produces the guilt and shame. Usually of things I shouldn't take ownership of in the first place, but still give me no end of sleeplessness, and anxiety but the embarrassment is the worst. I'm not sure what to do about it, except take meds, and I'm hoping my new Psychiatrist will help.

[Semi-depressed]

I think letting it go comes after accepting it. It happened, you can't change that, but it does not have to define you today either. Accept it as part of you. Have compassion for yourself. Then you can let it go slowly. It will come up again in your mind, but each time it will be easier to let go.

Meditation to me is the practice of letting things go, or more accurately, to accept the the thoughts for what they are and let them pass. Want to plat basketball better? Play basketball. Want to let thoughts go more quickly? Practice it. It takes time, but does get easier.

X

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Hi,

New here but I am also stuck in the shame cycle from an incident that happened many years ago and I am also a survivor or narc abuse, so I relate. It is really hard to "let it go" if only it was that easy, I would of done it by now I am sorry I don't have any valuable advice to offer but I would recommend reading Brene Browns works on shame and also watching Richard Grammon on youtube - he has lots of great stuff about surviving narc abuse and the cptsd that stems from it.

I have found them both helpful in the past month

Take care

[leomama]

Originally Posted by pinkvilla

I am experiencing shame from an incident that happened 20 yrs ago.When I wake up and frequently during the day,that incident is remembered and I can feel the shame.


Is this anyway ptsd?? I am a narcissistic abuse survivor and hence feel shame for every little mistake. But this particular one is a major one ,I can't let go.My regular therapist says just let it go.But can't seem to do it.I'm wondering what to do.

Is your regular therapist a licensed psychologist ? Let go is a breathing technique for PTSD survivors however it's not a mental exercise .

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[cinnamon_roll]

Have a look at Pete Walker and his writings. He's a psychotherapist specializing in C-PTSD. on his website there's a lot of helpful stuff on how to deal with flashbacks in general, and particularly shame flashbacks. He also gives good advice on how to address that "inner critic" that often goes hand in hand with those feelings of shame.

What I found particularly helpful is how he manages to 'normalize' things. Things I worried about for years that might be an indicator that I'm about to *really* lose it. He keeps saying that it's "normal" considering what we experienced and considering what we went through. And this validation for me was a starting point when things started to get better.

I got one of his books about 3 yrs. ago, and I keep coming back to it, because I still keep finding helpful advice in there.