[peri7152]

i was just wondering what other people's experiences with dissociation and c-ptsd have been.......if you want please share your experiences .. it would help me out ... thank you!!

[Skeezyks]

Well... I'm not sure if this qualifies as dissociation / derealization. I've never spoken of it to my pdoc or to therapists I've seen in the past. But I have quite frequent episodes where I become, how shall I say, hyper-aware of my body, particularly my head, arms & hands. Often it occurs at meal times & I become especially focused on my hands & arms as I eat sort-of like they grow in importance in terms of my perception of myself.

I get a feeling like my consciousness is sort-of floating inside my body & is kind-of consolidating up in the area of my head, arms & hands. It sounds really bizarre when I try to put it into words, I know. It's an experience I've had for many years in one way or another. The way I experience it, & the circumstances, have changed somewhat over time. But these changes have, I think been just variations on a theme. It seems like it's become more frequent over the past year or so.

[ThisWayOut]

My dissociation is varied. When heavily triggered, I lose all memory of a period of time. I have very spotty memories from my childhood, maybe a handful from my entire 18 years before moving to college. I'm starting to regain some of those memories, but they are all trauma memories coming back.
When I'm less dissociated, it just feels like i'm floating in a grey fog far away from everyone and everything. Sometimes I can't hear people talking to me. I'm not always aware of the dissociation until someone points it out to me, but there are times I'm very aware. Those times it feels like i'm on autopilot; saying and doing things because that's what's expected of me.
There are times when I'm surprised at my appearance and the fact that I have a body & a face. That used to happen a lot more when I was younger. I would walk past my reflection and stop to stare at it. I needed to study it because I had no clue that's what I looked like, or that I even existed as a corporeal being... those instances have lessened in severity. I still stare at my reflection at times, but it doesn't take as long to understand I'm actually a person.
Regardless of the type of dissociation, I generally don't feel anything like physical touch, or even pain... Sometimes the dissociation is accompanied by flashbacks, but other times my mind is blank...

What's your experience been with it?

[peri7152]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

My dissociation is varied. When heavily triggered, I lose all memory of a period of time. I have very spotty memories from my childhood, maybe a handful from my entire 18 years before moving to college. I'm starting to regain some of those memories, but they are all trauma memories coming back.
When I'm less dissociated, it just feels like i'm floating in a grey fog far away from everyone and everything. Sometimes I can't hear people talking to me. I'm not always aware of the dissociation until someone points it out to me, but there are times I'm very aware. Those times it feels like i'm on autopilot; saying and doing things because that's what's expected of me.
There are times when I'm surprised at my appearance and the fact that I have a body & a face. That used to happen a lot more when I was younger. I would walk past my reflection and stop to stare at it. I needed to study it because I had no clue that's what I looked like, or that I even existed as a corporeal being... those instances have lessened in severity. I still stare at my reflection at times, but it doesn't take as long to understand I'm actually a person.
Regardless of the type of dissociation, I generally don't feel anything like physical touch, or even pain... Sometimes the dissociation is accompanied by flashbacks, but other times my mind is blank...

What's your experience been with it?

my experience has been relatively mild...most of the time i depersonalize when i look in the mirror at myself or see myself in photos and such..but other times it just randomly happens..but most of the time it happens at night when im the only one awake. sometimes its just in my hands and legs and other times its my whole body ( its been happening since i was 14

[smallporgies]

Wow.Funny you should mention that. I'm a major dissociative. I actually have spent long periods of time avoiding looking at myself in the mirror. I haven't had a body for most of my life. I found out I was a D.I.D. er about two years ago. My therapist was a D.I.D. er but has integrated. The problem (obviously) with traumatic sexual abuse is that when it happens before you can speak, you have no idea that you are doing it. It only started coming up when my therapist would ask me to see myself and I could not see myself. I have to imagine other people when I try to see myself. I've had to force myself to look at my reflection. Kind of odd to hear other people going through that.