I don't know what to believe any more...

Since when did the normal ups and downs of life start getting reframed as 'abuse'?

A lot of the stuff I've read online I experienced too, but just accepted that it was 'part of growing up'. Now I'm being told that I suffered an abusive childhood...

Really!?

It can get confusing when it comes to the term "abuse" and even neglect when it comes to discussing one's own childhood and how that individual may have been raised by dysfunctional parent/parents or had to deal with some dysfunction in their home environment where their personal sense of safety was affected. Not all abuse is actually intentional either, often abuse comes from lack of knowledge and understanding about how to raise a child where that child feels safe to explore the world and learn and gradually develop with a sense they are loved and protected and allowed to develop their OWN identity rather than feeling they have to be what others want them to be or expect them to be.

There was a time when the sentiment was "children are to be seen and not heard" and that way of thinking resulted in a lot of children that grew up with low self esteem and not understanding the benefits from actually engaging and nurturing children. We are at a point where we are finally recognizing the challenges that develop when our children fail to get the nurturing that provides them with a safe environment where they can develop in healthy ways psychologically. Also, the other thing that has finally taken place is we are slowly moving away from the attitude where we are not supposed to talk about the things we see or experience that challenge us and make us question our personal safety when it comes to our family and home environment. Most will struggle when it comes to talking about these challenges and tend to even feel a deep shame when it comes to talking about what they experienced growing up in their family. For many, they were actually raised to experience "shame" for having their own needs and feelings. The theme was often "do what you are told and don't ask questions", in other words OBEY. This is something that takes place in varying degrees in different cultures and in some cultures even now an individual ends up having an arranged marriage so they don't even get to find the mate they want to be with in their life, instead they have to accept whatever is arranged for them. Often children were raised to SERVICE rather than be allowed to actually develop their own identity.

So, when it comes to the term "abuse" it's not always something intentional rather than something "learned" that is actually unhealthy when it comes to someone's personal development.

Thank you so much for writing these words Open Eyes. I can relate, especially to the parts quoted above. This was my 'normal', so to hear / read it reframed as abusive is really difficult for me to accept. But struggling with the effects of being brought up like this and now paying the price in terms of lack of self-esteem, lack of self confidence, not really knowing who I am, having no trust in others or self belief - I am at last starting to understand a little about what is driving the desire to end my life.
Thank you for the clarity.