[sadforever]

Hi

I don't know if I am being unreasonable......because of my CPTSD....or if all of my husbands total mess all over the house is grounds for divorce.

I have asked and begged him to clean up his stuff but, he refuses. He says he will but, he doesn't.

I would love some feedback on this. Please

[Teddy Bear]

I'm somewhat of a neat freak when I have my own place. Does the mess cause you anxiety? If it actually causes you to have an attack I may go with it. I recommend hitting him with something

[SoupDragon]

Is it just about the mess, or is it because he is not supporting your wishes?

I think there are real differences in what matters to people, different values that we have, maybe not a right or wrong. Maybe it is just not as important to him as it is to you (but this doesn't mean it's not important to you).

Does he know how much this impacts on you? Could you consider couple counselling?

[Open Eyes]

I experience that challenge myself and it's hard to deal with because if you struggle with complex PTSD, the one thing that can be triggering is when another person disrespects your boundaries.

My guess is that when you get your home organized and clean you gain a sense of control and you feel good when it's all neat and tidy and clean. If you live with a person who's presence disrupts that and leaves their stuff all over the place it can most definitely take away from what's important to YOU where you can enjoy that sense of control you have accomplished by being organized and clean.

What does your husband leave around that bothers you the most?

[amandalouise]

each state has their own laws/ rules on what constitutes a no fault or fault divorce. contacting your clerks office of a lawyer in your off computer location will answer what your state and town/ city considers grounds for a no fault or fault divorce. ..

that said here in NY a spouse not putting their stuff away, not keeping the home clean is not grounds for either type of divorce (no fault or fault divorce).

my suggestion other than contacting a lawyer and clerks office to find out what are grounds for divorce in your area is maybe couples therapy so that you both can at least air your problems in a neutral place with a neutral party and maybe come to ways to help the both of you see both sides and decide whether you really want to get a divorce or if this is just a knee jerk reaction due to the spouse not picking their own things up triggering your PTSD problem (I say PTSD instead of complex PTSD only because where I am located we dont use the term CPTSD anymore)

[phoenix7]

explain to him - if you havnt already how it impacts you - make it very clear - tell him maybe, that if the things are left around you will throw them out ? too aggressive?

counselling may help - good luck