Checking in

I had an SSI review recently. Was afraid of losing it as well but I didnt, so hopefully the same thing for you. Good luck with the paperwork, I know its a pain.

I haven't been as triggered lately but my emotional regulation has been terrible. Speaking of SSI, they want to talk to me today, not sure why. It's the local office, it's probably about money and not if I'm still disabled as they just reviewed that. I'm not hiding any income so it should be fine.

I'm alive but I haven't been "living" for years now. I'm a survivor of emotional, physical and sexual abuse which means I am STRONG. Depression, anxiety, trust issues and a litany of social fears prove I am WEAK! I was a successful professional for decades....until I was no longer able to work.

No husband, nor children to support me so I must not be worthy. A federal ODAR ALJ has exercised his RIGHT to be sarcastic, hostile & demeaning to me not once, but 2 times and most recently ignored US District Court orders in demonstrating his superiority above professionally trained & experienced mental health professionals with decades more experience than him!

How am I going to survive? I'm not!! I am one of many struggling every MOMENT just to survive. Time is running out and soon I will be just another statistic!

TICK TOCK! Hoping this moment passes SOONER than later!

Oh KYWoman I feel so bad for you. The fact that the judge could not get around his ego to see that you have an illness is devastating. You're not weak. Not at all.

Struggling with med side effects. Torn between living with these side effects, or switching meds and not moving from the house I was abused in. My husband can't do all the work so I have to be stable and help.

Still waiting on SSA to answer back.

I am feeling particularly freakish right now. Not sure if it’s from depression or something else. Do any of you ever feel like a freak? I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere. And that no one loves me because I am a freak. I feel so horrible and I guess I just want someone to understand and maybe have been here too. If I can find someone who feels like this, then I do belong to the group of people who experience this. But what if I am the only one? Then, this feeling could be accurate. 😒😔

Mood stabilizer switched. Pnurse is not giving an anti-psychotic to see if physical symptoms improve. Thing is the AP also helped with my anxiety. I'm hoping my mostly quiet environment and coping skills will help with that.

One of daughter's friends is having a lot of drama at work. Suffice it to say that another employee thinks this friend is going to get fired. We're usually her verbal dumping ground but this may have to stop for a while, at least for me while I'm adjusting to this new med. I may also have to postpone EMDR until I'm sure I'm stable. I just hope this works.

Some of my triggers have been improving. But I was abused at a church and I keep finding support groups that meet at churches and I'm too scared to go.

What a long time from the last post.

Daughter and her boyfriend broke up. She's still moving out next week with her other friend. She starts training for her new job next week. And...she failed her driver's test, which means my husband will have to drive her to and from training until she can retest. I had to cancel my physical therapy for my neck and my ENT re-eval until that is done because I can't drive (panic attacks) and he can only drive for so long until he is exhausted.

Daughter's ex left a colony of ants in his bedroom, which is why we had to call an exterminator. And we're trying to get parts of our house fixed to sell, and the contractor's rep is playing games with us. We're stuck in the house I was abused in for another year.

I'm really trying to keep my head up. I'm just tired of being kicked in the butt by life.

I've been depressed, I may need surgery, and my dog is sick. PTSD wise I'm so so, I've been having more trouble with other things in my life.

Lots of flashbacks and an exacerbation in PTSD. Feeling very isolated and like a freak. UGGH!


WC

Thats just how I feel during flashbacks, a freak.

I guess it's a natural way to feel and anyone would feel the same with what we go through.

Perhaps we are very normal people having to deal with an illness.

It's really big thing in the UK at the moment to champion mental health such as depression but PTSD and CPTSD suffers still seem to be thought of negatively.

Daughter's move is over. She is one test away from getting her new job. My husband will only have to drive one trip instead of two if she does. She had a hard day though translating emotionally charged phone calls. Part of the job, though.

I came down with a cold but I'm feeling better now. just hope I can sleep tonight.

Not as many flashbacks/memories now but having things happen in the present has kept me from that for the time being.

Still drowning in quicksand of overwhelming despair & hopelessness! My T strongly urged me to try meds after 18 months of no RX. NP reviewed my genetic test results with me and listened to my concerns about RX, then convinced me to try Lamictol 25mg. One month later, I felt no improvement so she increased the dosage to 50mg although the RX was for 100mg to be split in half. So far I've had an increase in headaches, night sweats & hot flashes. Still homeless and ashamed that I'm no longer able to work. Still waiting for SSA appeals council decision. Also losing almost 2 lbs per week due to constant nausea.