[-Astral-]

I can't deal with this any more I want to end my life
Want it all to stop but it will not
Tryed threapy I can't deal with it I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to deal with the hurt being dead means I stop hurting

[Skeezyks]

[MtnTime2896]

I've been there and still sort of am. I won't lie, it's gonna hurt like hell in order to get better, but it is possible. PM me anytime.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

I can't deal with this any more I want to end my life
Want it all to stop but it will not
Tryed threapy I can't deal with it I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to deal with the hurt being dead means I stop hurting

It also means, all those ppl, that won't be the same without you. The abuse didn't happened in one day, it took some time. So therapy, and possible meds will olso take time. Therapy is trusting someone to talk with about the things that hurt you the most, and that kind of trust doesn't happen over night, it will take time. When the time is right, you will be able to talk some about what has happened to you. You may even have to try a couple of T's before you make a connection, that you can talk too. Don't give up, life is so worth going through. Think about the children you may have one day, or many other things, like walking on a beach. There is so many reasons not to go to that point.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by -Astral-

I can't deal with this any more I want to end my life
Want it all to stop but it will not
Tryed threapy I can't deal with it I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to deal with the hurt being dead means I stop hurting

I have experienced this challenge myself ((Astral)). When you "feel" this way, then what will "help" is you acknowledge that you feel this way "in the now, in whatever day you feel it", also, this strong feeling does come in like a wave and it can be bad on certain days BUT, what helped me was to notice that it's not constant and while it can come on strongly, it always recedes and dissipates. That was important for me to recognize because I began to "manage" myself around these episodes. What "helps" when it comes to PTSD is slowly regaining control back, and learning how to acknowledge the symptoms and gradually learn how to do things for yourself that allows you to slowly gain on practicing self care where you feel safer. As you do this these suicidal impulses/feels will begin to weaken, and while it can take time you can reduce these impulse's strength to where they become a mere flutter.

While trauma most definitely all in itself causes one to feel totally out of control and unsafe and deeply insecure, experiencing the post traumatic stress is also very challenging too and it can all in itself produce a feeling of lack of control. However, being "very patient" with self and slowly working your way through "grieving and acknowledging whatever you lost" will with time and patience gradually "heal" you and as you heal you will also gradually regain your sense of control back again. I cannot stress enough how important it is to have "patience" with yourself.

Also, and this is important to understand about PTSD is, the one area of the brain that is the most sensitive is the amygdala, this is the area of the brain that "feels" our emotions. Because we are so programmed to "control" our emotions a person who is a lot more sensitive in their emotional area will begin to really worry about interacting with others, even a therapist because the person genuinely struggles with emotions and is extremely sensitive and it really embarrasses the person. It's very important to work with a trauma specialist that understands this challenge and can provide a "safe" atmosphere and presence for the PTSD patient.

I have to say that having this kind of therapist is what most definitely "saved" me the most. Being allowed to have a presence that helped me feel "safe" to feel, provided me with a true sense of "not being so alone" too. A trauma patient needs to feel safe to say "ouch" in whatever that patient is sharing the ouch in the entire spectrum of our human emotions including anger without the fear of being criticized or judged badly.