Twisted processing

I was having huge PTSD issues yesterday at my parents' house. Flashbacks, paranoia, chills, tears, and of course fear enough to collapse a solar system.
But, I was messaging with someone.
This gets tough and you'll probably judge me for it and I'm ok with being judged, but I need to tell someone how I handled it. Maybe someone knows a better way, and I'll be telling my t in a couple weeks.
I started talking about their stuff, of which they have an enormous amount, mostly crap. I wasn't talking about just how cool it was, but how I would dispose of all of it after they are gone. I was talking about them like they were dead. They aren't, and we're both there at the time, but it was all in messaging so they had no idea. It got easier and easier and the symptoms lessened more and more by thinking how much of this crap I'm going to throw away. Not even Goodwill wants most of this garbage. It became as if this giant weight on me has a day coming that it will be lifted through circumstances. I found myself fantasizing they're not here. It wasn't entirely their particular flashbacks but my ex and the childhood sa.
One question, does it get easier when they're gone, knowing I can't do a thing about it right now?
Ok two, is this a sick and twisted way to process these feelings and alleviate symptoms?

Did you have to be there?

Yes. I was helping them out for a few days. I'm leaving in a bit to go back to my life

I found that it does get better. Once our parents get older these are things that do need to be thought of. When my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, my dad was pissed off when I mentioned wills, insurance, etc. It came in handy because when she did die everything was taken care of. My dad died over a year later from liver cancer so for my brother it was familiar enough to take care of the estate.

I also considered these things for my husband (who has MS) and my daughter (who has depression and anxiety). In a way it's comforting to know that I rehearsed this in my mind and I'll be able to handle it easier than going in without a clue.

As far as using it for an escape: it's more a form of distraction, to take your mind out of being triggered and focusing on something less upsetting.

So no judgment from me.

It's not their stuff you need to discard, it's how their issues affected you that you need to work through to a point where you reduce these reactions you have been sharing. I am not saying this is easy either, but while it can take you time, can be a challenge, it will reduce these "intrusive" reactions you experience.

You're very accurate here.