[WWPWD]

Hi all,
I'm new to here but been working through my own complex PTSD & attachment trauma for some time. I'm slowly working through Pete Walkers great book Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving and have some questions about how to handle these things in relationships. I find a lot of advice for how to handle ourselves, as traumatized people in relationships with others. But I am looking specifically for how to enter into interactions where the outer critic is clearly coming up for the other person. Any advice/experience is greatly appreciated.

[MtnTime2896]

I was admittedly never good in this area. So, I don't think you'd want my advice. Just thought I'd say welcome to Psych Central and I hope it helps you like it has me.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc
(I don’t really have advice either)

[keepontrucking]

I can not help You with the proper words etc. but I may be able to Help You...

First I try and figure out Who the Inner critic is. Something recently that My Mom said about me is that I have "No backbone" I thought about that for a while...Yes, I have No backbone because YOU were the ONE that expects and demands it. You are the one that Raised me that way...

I have been saying "NO" much more and Of course, She is MAD at me. She hung up on me, I sent her an email and Now She is mad at me so. do You want me to have a backbone or not!

Thinking through the statements and inner critic Helps me to put into perspective THE TRUTH, and that helps me heal from the tapes in My mind. Many times I find it is the hurt "Inner Child" that wants to be released from the pain (I had as a child) I try and soothe the inner child and tell them they are NOT responsible.

I think about it as an ADULT and MOST of the time the "Inner Child" has stuffed all the blame it got from THE ACTING ADULT AT THE TIME OF EMOTIONAL INJURY...

I used to blame Myself for the sexual Abuse that happened to ME. MOM said she didn't know anything about it...Then My adult said how could She NOT KNOW? The trailer we lived in was only 35 X 8 at the time this happened. The child was then vindicated from the Blame. The ONLY thing I then have to ask is why? I guess I was a pinch hitter...She did NOT want to have sex with him so she just let it go on! Pretty sad HUH?

The inner critic was satisfied and then MORE hurts come OUT from the Inner child. At one point I had to put ALL my self-help books away. I was getting so depressed I had to go in for treatment. That helped but I just really wonder why I was NOT taught about NPD and the damages that caused Family members. I could have healed MUCH faster knowing then what I know now about NPD.

[saidso]

Thanks, I just looked at Pete Walker's two books. I find his writing slightly irritating, but all the same... there are some valuable reminders there about emotional experience.

I might buy the second one. Glad to see your post!

[Carmina]

I can't do it, I tend to just give in straight away and tell them they are right and I am useless

[saidso]

"But I am looking specifically for how to enter into interactions where the outer critic is clearly coming up for the other person. Any advice/experience is greatly appreciated. "

I'm sorry but I don't understand - duh! - do you mean by "outer critic" that you are criticising others, or that you externalise your inner critic, or that the other person has issues? Everyone else here seems to get it, but I'm not familiar with this term.

Please could you explain?

[Fuzzybear]

“The blame the inner child got from the acting adult at the time of the emotional injury”