[cptsdwhoa]

Well...I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for two days dealing with my dysfunctional family. I literally turned off my phone so that I couldn't get any of their calls or texts (or calls and texts from anyone associated with them). I was that fed up that I went into seclusion. I poured out my heart to my brother in an emotional email.

Now, I learned that two of them are still just gossiping about me (I must be the topic of conversation lately). I'll have to be careful what I tell them. I poured out my heart to my brother, and by his response he doesn't really understand at all. He's using the same excuses I'm learning now that dysfunctional families use. He sounds like my narcissistic grandmother in his reply to me.

I'm over here tearing my heart out and they are doing just fine. Just gossiping about me. Grandma telling lies as usual. And it just finally hit me. I need to go ahead and live my life, work some things out for my mental health, and move on. They are doing just fine without me, and I have to stop worrying about them. I'm out of that horrible situation now. I'm free. I still pray for them, but distance is what I need and there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm killing myself here and they're just fine. Wow, maybe one day they'll understand. But for now, I've got to live my life.

[avlady]

yes, sometimes we have to get the toxic people out of our lives.

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by avlady

yes, sometimes we have to get the toxic people out of our lives.

Yeah, I don't know if that will ever not make me sad. But...yeah.

[Fuzzybear]

[BeesWaxCrayon]

Totally true. Sometimes we just gotta let go and leave them in dysfunction and save ourselves.
Kudos

Bees

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by BeesWaxCrayon

Totally true. Sometimes we just gotta let go and leave them in dysfunction and save ourselves.
Kudos

Bees

Yeah...I was just telling my therapist today that this month has been really nice. I'm wondering if I want to go two months. We'll see.

[mountainstream]

[BeesWaxCrayon]

How are things now?
Bees

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by BeesWaxCrayon

How are things now?
Bees

Thank you for asking.

It's been almost a month since I talked to my grandmother (or really anyone in my family besides my niece) and about three weeks for my brother.

I texted my aunt about a week ago about something and she mentioned that everyone is fine.

I'm...the decrease in the amount of stress in my life simply because I stopped talking to them is remarkable. I told my therapist and a friend that I'm considering going two months because mentally I'm improved by the lack of so much stress. I still have a ways to go in my recovery journey, but a HUGE part of my problem in all these 20 years of mental treatment had been that I needed to get away from my dysfunctional/abusive family.

I definitely feel so much lighter.

[keepontrucking]

I wrote a Post about how I cut off My sister who was using me. I realized She was bullying me...I realized She was triggering me. I felt an enormous relief from telling her that She didn't need to contact me then!
One time We talked about the abuse in the home and She agreed that It did happen. Now, She is in complete denial. Go figure.

I was talking about the Sexual Molestations that I had with her father/My stepfather, and her Grandfather/My Step-Grandfather she denied even saying that...I know she did. She accuses me of things and then when I say "I don't need You to accuse me of things that I am not doing." SHE said "I did not accuse You of anything...I said they were Mysteriously happening!" Tell me what is the difference? "then She asked the question Why are You so focused on Child molestation so much? I said because I am working on that in My life!

A lot of gaslighting, Triangulation (with My MOM) and Mind games...I felt a tremendous amount of relief after "cutting her OFF."

Even at 64, I AM STILL the scapegoat!

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by keepontrucking

I wrote a Post about how I cut off My sister who was using me. I realized She was bullying me...I realized She was triggering me. I felt an enormous relief from telling her that She didn't need to contact me then!
One time We talked about the abuse in the home and She agreed that It did happen. Now, She is in complete denial. Go figure.

I was talking about the Sexual Molestations that I had with her father/My stepfather, and her Grandfather/My Step-Grandfather she denied even saying that...I know she did. She accuses me of things and then when I say "I don't need You to accuse me of things that I am not doing." SHE said "I did not accuse You of anything...I said they were Mysteriously happening!" Tell me what is the difference? "then She asked the question Why are You so focused on Child molestation so much? I said because I am working on that in My life!

A lot of gaslighting, Triangulation (with My MOM) and Mind games...I felt a tremendous amount of relief after "cutting her OFF."

Even at 64, I AM STILL the scapegoat!

Thank you for sharing! I'm so happy that you could get some distance and get help!

Relief! Yes! That's the word. Relief. Lol oh I am DEFINITELY the scapegoat for my grandmother. I was reading up on narcissistic mothers and families, and ours fits the bill.

[12AM]

Originally Posted by cptsdwhoa

Well...I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for two days dealing with my dysfunctional family. I literally turned off my phone so that I couldn't get any of their calls or texts (or calls and texts from anyone associated with them). I was that fed up that I went into seclusion. I poured out my heart to my brother in an emotional email.

Now, I learned that two of them are still just gossiping about me (I must be the topic of conversation lately). I'll have to be careful what I tell them. I poured out my heart to my brother, and by his response he doesn't really understand at all. He's using the same excuses I'm learning now that dysfunctional families use. He sounds like my narcissistic grandmother in his reply to me.

I'm over here tearing my heart out and they are doing just fine. Just gossiping about me. Grandma telling lies as usual. And it just finally hit me. I need to go ahead and live my life, work some things out for my mental health, and move on. They are doing just fine without me, and I have to stop worrying about them. I'm out of that horrible situation now. I'm free. I still pray for them, but distance is what I need and there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm killing myself here and they're just fine. Wow, maybe one day they'll understand. But for now, I've got to live my life.

They won’t understand. They don’t want to understand. That’s why we gotta cut them out of our lives

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by 12AM

They won’t understand. They don’t want to understand. That’s why we gotta cut them out of our lives

Thank you! I think I'm finally starting to get that. A friend of mine even said to me that it's okay to let people come to me instead of always reaching out first. That was a revolutionary idea for me. I can see what she's saying though. I could be putting myself in more harm's way by constantly reaching out to people I need to leave alone. If they're ever truly sorry one day then let them come to me.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by cptsdwhoa

Thank you! I think I'm finally starting to get that. A friend of mine even said to me that it's okay to let people come to me instead of always reaching out first. That was a revolutionary idea for me. I can see what she's saying though. I could be putting myself in more harm's way by constantly reaching out to people I need to leave alone. If they're ever truly sorry one day then let them come to me.

I think for some of us our PUs trained us and set us up for this sort of hurt. I used to be like this. If they are ever sorry (which I doubt ) they will come to you one day. With kindness.

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I think for some of us our PUs trained us and set us up for this sort of hurt. I used to be like this. If they are ever sorry (which I doubt ) they will come to you one day. With kindness.

Yes, I still feel a little like I've done wrong and need to make the first move. I have to remind myself that every time I have it didn't end well. It's difficult, but I think I just need to wait and just take care of myself now. Like you wrote they should come to me with kindness.