May I have permission to NOT be "successful" ?

I know we are supposed to live our lives the way we would have if we were never abused, but that isn't possible. I'm going to have to let the abuse win a little bit because it did permanently change who I am. Any time I try to ignore that reality tends to result in disaster. I've been trying all my life to make it big, to get something to take off, to get known for something, or to make a large contribution to human knowledge. I've been trying to write the perfect song, think of the perfect contraption, to be the best at something.

I am not here to discourage people from going after their dreams or to "not miss their shot" as Dr. John's email signature says. but for me, I do have to put my hand down more. I have to step back and not go after things for a change. I don't want to keep trying to be successful. Trauma has ruined my brain, and there's a lot I can never get back. Time, brain cells, health .. those things are not retrievable from the quicksands of time. I've done all right. I want that to be enough.

May I have permission to be average? To step back from working hard sometimes, to prioritize my happiness and comfort? Do I have permission to stop pulling on those god damned bootstraps for a little bit, and can I just sort of sit this one out? I've made it pretty far given the path of destruction in my wake. I've tried my best and put in the hours and done the work. Can I have a break now and just accept as far as I've come, even for just a few years, and not feel bad for sitting those few years out and potentially missing a bunch of opportunities? And most importantly, am I still allowed to be sad that I missed out on all of this stuff, and can I be sad that I'll never be what I want to be without someone telling me to "do something about it if you're not satisfied" ?

I do a lot. Just let me breathe.

Hi facelesscontributor . Welcome to Psych Central. That must be awful to feel you have to do great things. Human existence tends to not be that eventful in my experience.

I did find someone that may have an answer to your questions and they will definitely let you breathe.

Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately I have blocked Youtube from my computer for 6 months because i'm trying to finish my masters thesis. Which is probably a perfect ironic illustration of the problem I originally posted about. ha.


Success has always been more important to me than my own happiness. I guess it's because I figured I'll never be happy, so I might as well try to be successful.


This would work perfectly if I was single and had no friends. Unfortunately I have all these people who love me who care whether or not I am happy. So the jig is up. I'm being sarcastic just in case you didn't pick up on that.

You claim you are being sarcastic, however ...

There is a lot of truth in what you are saying, so in case you are trying to downplay any pain you may be feeling, I understand that too!

I can only imagine the stress you are under trying to complete that thesis, so don't forget to cut yourself a little slack during the process ... To have made it this far with all the extra challenges you've faced to get there is extraordinary!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

Sure.

Too many people measure "success" by the number in their bank account or their status in relation to others. I think, rather, the truly successful are those who've found either meaning or happiness. Preferably both.

The question is, from whom do you need permission?

Hello facelesscontributor: Welcome to Psych Central. The Skeezyks would simply like to confer upon you his permission to be just as average as you choose to be. Feel free to give those old bootstraps a well-deserved rest.

You have permission to be yourself, and not to follow anyone's rules. If you spend your life doing what others think you should, then you will be living THEIR lives; your life is precious and so are you. Do whatever you want to, and don't explain to anyone.

@facelesscontributor:
You are NOT: lazy,crazy,joyless,worthless, a loser, useless, hopeless, ugly, terrible, horrible, horrid, awful,unworthy, stupid, evil, damaged goods or insignificant.
You are human.
You have flaws.
You have gifts.

Welcome to pc

(I’m not a fan of some in society’s definition of “success” etc ..)

You have my permission to be who you are