Feeling inadequate because I can't keep up

Society moves faster than ever these days. I'm current early 30s, and I've spent my entire life battling my mental health. I wasn't officially diagnosed with PTSD until I was 27. I was never able to go to college. I never held a job for more than a year. I've never had a relationship, and friendships don't last.


More and more, I feel left behind. I feel like the leftover garbage of society. I try not to feel this way, but it's hard not to when the western world is structured for standardization. Prepared for college. Go to college. Get a career. Buy a house. Build equity. Save for retirement. Get married. Have kids. Et cetera.


What of those who don't fit? Many of us don't, and it's like we're tossed the leftovers from their tables. Like we're fed the scraps of their success in a empty, token gesture of appeasement. I am tired of being told that I should feel happy with my situation. Happy? Barely making enough to support myself? Treated like I'm somehow subhuman?


I feel inadequate because modern society deems that I am. How can I keep up? How can I stay competitive? Or will be a single, renting, old man, who drops dead at 80 while on the clock? What hope is there? These are legitimate questions that I ask myself. I want to get married. I want to own a home. I want to save for retirement. I want stability and consistency. But no matter how hard I work, I'm always too far behind.

Thank you for posting what you did, Ryz25. My English is not very good but I want to tell you that your post helps me and will help so many others here who are facing the same or similar situations.

I imagine that must be small comfort to you.

Wish I had something helpful to offer, but sadly I am at a loss.

I hope that somehow . . . that someway . . . things will improve for you and for all of us here.

-- Yao Wen

Hello Rys: I believe this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

The PTSD forum as well as the Steps to Better Self Esteem forum, here on PC, may be of interest to you. Here's a links to these forums just in case you haven't already found them:

https://psychcentralforums.com/post-traumatic-stress/

https://psychcentralforums.com/steps...r-self-esteem/

And then here are links to 9 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest:

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) | Psych Central

What Is Self-Esteem?

6 Tips to Improve Your Self-Esteem

Here's Why you Feel Like a Failure + 10 Facts you Should Know | NLP Discoveries

https://psychcentralforums.com/steps...r-self-esteem/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/buildin...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-re...-esteem/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-1-...tuck-in-a-rut/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-step...yourself-more/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I am sorry you struggle this way. And in all honesty, even for many who do get all these things, at any time they can lose their grip and end up struggling to find their way to regaining their sense of stability.

Part of this feeling you have is actually the ptsd talking. The truth is you can "still" be, you are not old, you are still young and have time to heal and find yourself despite whatever you have not done up until now.

"Millennials" are the first generation in the US who are, on average, not doing 'better' than their parents.

I've noticed our peers beginning to resent the high expectations and double-standards placed on us after decades of exploitative financial and social policy. Even if you 'did everything right', it is still unlikely you'd have a house, family, equity, etc without being massively indebted and still living paycheck to paycheck, dealing with the high stress of long work hours in a dual income household. Regardless of background, we are bound to feel left behind, inadequate, and see a bleak future ahead as we only grow older and still do not see prosperity on the horizon.

So, what if you don't fit? What peace is there in chasing promises of a broken system? Perhaps being left behind gives us the freedom to take a different path.

That appears to be a 'lesson' for our generation; to stop conforming to rules about how we're supposed live that do not serve our well being, and instead make our own; however uncomfortable and unfair that call might be. It starts with believing that we have a right to change things if they don't work, even if we make mistakes, and that we don't need to be perfect in order to live a fulfilling life. We've been vulnerable to viewing failure as a personal shortcoming instead of questioning the social, economic, or political design that makes failure so unacceptable in the first place. It should be obvious when such a vast number of people are struggling with the exact same issue, the problem is not at the individual level.

You say you don't see where there is hope. I don't know where to find that yet, either. Maybe it is enough for now that many of us are struggling over it, and together we can find a better way.

[
I am sure you are not alone. As an older person I would suggest that you look into one of the trades if you are inclined (electrician, plumber, surveyor, machinist etal, auto mechanics ---do a search) It can take longer to make good money but these are all needed skills that pre-exist the technology and will be needed for a long time to come. I had 16 different jobs before I was 25----I'm retired now. I wasn't diagnosed with ptsd till my 30's and in hindsight I do not know how I got through my 20s. Meet up group activities (hiking groups etal) can be helpful because it is casual and you don't have to maintain significant relationships.
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What of those who don't fit? Many of us don't, and it's like we're tossed the leftovers from their tables. Like we're fed the scraps of their success in a empty, token gesture of appeasement. I am tired of being told that I should feel happy with my situation. Happy? Barely making enough to support myself? Treated like I'm somehow subhuman?


I feel inadequate because modern society deems that I am. How can I keep up? How can I stay competitive? Or will be a single, renting, old man, who drops dead at 80 while on the clock? What hope is there? These are legitimate questions that I ask myself. I want to get married. I want to own a home. I want to save for retirement. I want stability and consistency. But no matter how hard I work, I'm always too far behind.[/QUOTE]

And remember you really are young yet although it doesn't feel that way
Is there something in particular you would like to do? What are your interests, your skills (yes you DO have skills)

I get how you feel. I dont know if I have good advice but one thing I can say is stay up to date with technology. Whether you like it or not technology is constantly changing. Staying as knowledgable as you can IMO is a good way to at least stay afloat. I dont mean you have to have a twitter or know computer code but the current basics. I can see the difference with my mom and inlaws. My mom bought an iphone (around the iphone 5) and had no idea how to use it. She enrolled in those applestore classes and is a wiz now. My inlaws both got iphones. My son showed them the basics but they really are not to good with it and have no desire to be better. They are all the same age. I do not want to find myself in a position where I am immersed in a society where technology is king and I am unaware, taken advantage of or left behind simply because I do not like it. And its not just older people that have these issues. Plenty of young people want to buck the trend because they think technology is evil or they feel they want a more authentic life without the perils of technology. I admire and respect that but the world around me does not.