[OrangeMoira]

I'm working on changing my emotions by acting opposite (per DBT workbook), and it has really been helping this week.

I got 2 job rejections. I felt ashamed and wanted to run. Instead, I approached the situation and wrote thank you emails. I thought about how proud of myself I was for trying despite anxiety.

I also felt angry. So I tried to think of the interviews as learning experiences. I imagined being grateful that I had any interviews in this economy, and realized that I really did feel some gratitude underneath.

Acting nice and grateful made me feel better. I felt competent, instead of like a prisoner to my feelings. I think it communicated to my scared inside parts that my feelings don't make me act; I can choose what to do. Normally I get so scared of being overwhelmed by feelings, so this was a big change!

Today I got a rude email from another student, asking a sarcastic question about my motives in a business deal. Being misunderstood when I have good intentions really triggers me, and I felt a rush of shame, powerlessness, and anger.

But I responded right away (instead of hiding) and answered politely. As I did, I thought of alternatives.
* They might not have meant to be mean (that fought the anger).
* I knew that my motives were nice and I didn't have to live up to their standards (that fought the shame).
* No matter what they say or do, I can tolerate it. I can use my skills to deal with it (that fought the powerlessness).

I faced the issue instead of hiding and feeling resentment. It made me feel so strong!

I'm going to try to keep going, although I was very skeptical of this method before! It seemed fake. I don't want to sell out my principles, but I can try to communicate effectively and avoid giving in to my feelings. Fingers crossed!

[lynn P.]

Excellent job OrangeMoira and thank you for sharing. Maybe you can keep this thread going with more example of positive reactions as they come.

[madisgram]

WOW!!!! that's awesome. i like the way you handled everything. how positive. bet that will help you gain a new job too.thanks for sharing this.

Fantastic opposite action, well done! And well done too for working out what you felt- I often find this is the hardest bit. Do keep posting your successes- it's really good to hear and learn from them.

[sundog]

WELL DONE! This is amazing stuff!! I have tried using the Opposite Action technique a few times too, and it's very powerful. Thanks so much for sharing this!

Well done, sounds fantastic! Perhaps I'll give this technique a try.

[OrangeMoira]

Thanks so much for the encouragement!

Today I greeted two people at school! So huge for me. Normally, I sneak past people so they don't see me, or I avoid eye contact and pretend not to see them.

I was terrified, but I kept thinking "approach, approach, approach." I imagined myself filled up with confidence instead of fear. I smiled, consciously made myself stand straighter, and stopped fidgeting. I made small talk, and it was nice instead of scary. It was a way better payoff than if I had acted on my fear and run away. This was my first "live" opposite action, and I will definitely try it again.

One girl said, "I know you're in my other class, but I can never catch your eye to say hi." Eek! No matter how small I try to make myself, I'm not actually becoming invisible.

Giving in to my fears isn't avoiding taking a risk; it's taking a different risk. I'm risking sending a message I don't want to send, and I'm missing the chance to have people I like in my life.

I'm so determined to change! Going to keep challenging these feelings until they loosen up their hold a bit.

[sundog]

Yay! Go you! You are very smart and very brave!!!!!!!!! I'm really pleased you're feeling the benefits of your Opposite Actions!!!!! Well done!!

Good for you, OrangeMoira.

[Laurie1041]

OrangeMoira,

Keep up the great work! I feel so motivated by your descriptions of taking opposite action. I look forward to the next installment! Hugs, Laurie