A Cycle of Sorts

I don't feel very good right now. In fact my stomache is all upset.

I've been noticing lately that I'll have cycles of being nice and mean. Like, it'll build within me, the meanness and loss of empathy. Then, it'll come out upon someone(who might deserve it or might not)....and afterwards I'll feel all drained and regretful.

But it'll happen again even though I'll feel drained/regretful...and each time I lose a friend. I guess I wouldn't call them friends per say but I make an enemy and I stop talking to them.

Right now I'm drained and regretful, but I feel like it'll just happen again. Because of the regret I'll be all nice for a while...and then....I'll get tired of being nice and then the meanness will start to build again.

It's a cycle that I don't quite understand and it's causing me some dysfunction.

Hi Sophia, I was wondering which way this happens:

-- You find yourself feeling mean, you tell someone off, they don't like it, and they keep their distance afterwards whether you want them to or not?

Or:

-- You find yourself feeling mean, you tell someone off to get them away from you, and you insist on keeping them at a distance afterwards?

I think it's the 2nd for the most part Fool Zero.

Well, then...Could the "meanness and loss of empathy" be your response to wanting that particular person out of your space but not feeling ready to tell them so?