Guilt

I need to know how to deal with guilt trips family members put you on...
Back a few months ago, I told my T something that he had to legally report that involved child safety with my family in another state and a primary abuser.

The state checked on things but ended up taking no action. In fact, my abuser took and passed a three hour lie detector test which basically told my family that I was the liar. ((Of course they would not listen to the fact that a sociopath characteristic is that they ARE ABLE to pass a lie detector test!))

Anyway, my nieces are now having issues with school - and I know it is because they have so much instability that it is making things very hard on them. But my mom decided she was going to say it was all because they had child protection called out! She knows it was my T who made the call because the stupid agency said it was reported by someone out of state and we a very small family structure.

Anyway, bottom line is she basically just handed me a huge pile of guilt and suddenly all this is now MY FAULT! ??? !!!!

I know the truth about this, but I need to know how to not FEEL the guilt others in the family pin on you?

Hi WePow,

This is a hard one... and maybe best talked over with T, as I'm sure you are. But I know there was a reason you posted here for other opinions so... here goes (here's mine).

There is this one point in AlAnon that basically says, "We are not responsible for anyone else but ourselves." Wow have I gone over this one again and again and I still ponder it. But maybe this is a case where it may be best to narrow your focus. To say, this is where my ability to do work ends... and the rest? In a sense, give it up to god, to the universe. You know the truth. Your T knows the truth. You have really worked hard to change the situation. But maybe... that's it. You have done all you can.

((WePow))
Did you do anything wrong? NO!! Not that your actions will definitely keep someone from getting hurt, but what if you hadn't said something and someone got hurt? You did a good thing! Try to hold on to that. Remember, they can't MAKE you feel anything. They don't have that kind of control over you anymore. I get guilt trips from my family as well. Just in the last year I've decided that I'm an adult and don't have to take the guilt they are trying to dish out to me. I'm not sure I answered how to not feel the guilt, but I wanted to let you know you did a good thing and don't deserve to feel guilty.

Hi ~ No one can MAKE you feel guilty. They don't have that power. You're LETTING them make you feel guilty. Take back your power and throw that guilt out the window. You didn't do anything wrong !! Anytime we even SUSPECT child abuse, we should say something because too many children are getting lost between the cracks in this country!! Too many kids cries are not being heard. You did what you SHOULD have done! Kudos to you !!

So bury that guilt in the backyard. It doesn't belong to you. If more people did what YOU did, we wouldn't have child abuse in this country. God bless and thank you !! Hugs, Lee