[lobokita1]

i've always kept my secrets and most of my emotions to myself, even as a child when i abused. i never open up to anybody. 3 years ago i met a guy in class and fell completey in love with him. we're broken up but yet i still hurt over him and love him. now i search what i felt with him but i can't find it, and so i try to stay out of relationships. i finally allowed myself into a relationship that lasted about 7 months. he lied constantly and practically raped me one night and so i broke up with him. now i'm so careful i'm afraid it's affecting alot of my life. there's people who want to date them that are sweet and respectful and good people, but i don't want them. i won't let myself be with them. i completely broke down a few weeks ago and started cutting again. it lasted for 3 days. i quit talkin to people, goin anywhere and started smokin more. now i'm unravling again. i feel that i'm losin everyone and i don't deserve what i have. i've cut more than 15 times, 2 of them being on my neck. i've cried alot and still am. i don't feel like i have anywhere to go. i'm unsure what's causin it and don't know what to do.... anyone have any ideas??

Hello, lobokita1. I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time. You likely would benefit from professional help. I wish you well.