[zoechan]

I always try my hardest. I learn how to play new songs on drums and guitar. I'm the best drummer in my school. I have great test scores and I'm improving as an artist. I don't see how all this is affecting me. I think I should feel some amount of accomplishment, I mean-- In the darkest time in my life (diagnosed as severe depression) I got out of it.
Without the help from my parents, friends or drugs. I should feel stronger because of that, but I really don't. I'm not proud of my music or my art or my schoolwork. I see that as a person I have changed beyond my wildest dreams, but everyone stays the same. Personality-wise, I would have gotten out of this town and done something spectacular. Reality-wise, I can't even get a job because I'm a minor.
My parents and teachers who think they can play me as a puppet and hold me down- shape me into something I'm not aren't going to get anywhere. And here is where I promise myself I'll get out and do something. I'd rather starve than hold a desk-job. I know all this is un-realistic but the question is even if I do accomplish my wildest dreams If I'll be happy.
I'm not sure- I'm one of those /work-yourself-till-4AM-and-your-entire-body-is-aching-and-you-feel-like-you've-downed-some-kinda-bad-drug/ people and yet I'm never happy with myself.
Have any of you felt this way?
When I was 8, this right here was my dream. To be an 'older' kid and playing music and having friends. I can see now that I need to try to be easier on myself, but I just don't know how.

[disguise123]

hmmmmmm. i cant think of how to advise you. Search the net for communities of musos in your area??

[disguise123]

why do u feel your parents and teachers are holding u down??

[Leed]

Wow ~ You've attained the dreams you had as a youngster ~ and now your dreams are going higher and higher all the time. Which is ok ~ as long as your dreams are ATTAINABLE. That's the crux of the matter. We have to be sure that we can reach them ~ that they are reasonable.

No one should even TRY to keep you from your dreams. If this is something that you've known from day 1 you've wanted to do ~ then you should do it! But you have to realize that you have other obligations first, like school and "perhaps" college. Without an education, you can't do anything in this world. Not anymore.

We've all felt like we weren't happy with ourselves at one time or another. We just got stuck in a rut. You've got to get yourself OUT of that rut, and claw your way back to the top. Maybe it's the people you're hanging with that are dragging you down. Maybe it's the season - alot of people suffer from S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder). I have it, and I get even MORE depressed from October to April - living in michigan is rough - it's always GRAY in the winter with little sunshine. It makes a difference.

Lighten up. Even if the weather isn't perfect, get outside. Keep the lights on in your room. Go easier on yourself. You have a dream - make it happen. God bless. Hugs, Lee