Feeling dumped on

An recent event has left me feeling violated and furious, with revenge fantasies I don't want to have. I posted about this but still need to work it through. It may sound petty, but a neighbor across the street had his driveway plowed after last week's storm, and pushed a huge amount of snow onto my property, and blocking my view of oncoming traffic as I'm exiting my driveway. He did this last winter, and I confronted him. And he did it again. He doesn't want to damage his landscaping, but cares nothing about mine. I have a long, sloping driveway that's dangerous enough. I spoke to him today about it, and he was near silent, just looking blankly at me, with some hostility, I felt. He claimed he didn't know the name of his plow guy, and said, "I'm not talking any more", and closed his door. That was it. He offered nothing by way of apology or explanation, and would not agree to stop dumping snow on my property. I'm so enraged at being treated this way, and hate feeling impotent. Police said there's no law against this. In my world, people are fairly cordial and reasonable. I believe in the Golden Rule, treat others as you want to be treated. I'm really caught by this, just seething and feeling powerless. I don't want this anger in my body. I can't afford to hire a backloader to dump the snow back in his driveway, but I'd love to. Somehow, it feels like a lesson in karma and letting go. I'm flunking the course.

aaah Lavieenrose, you are of course right in every aspect, and i salute you for seeing so many angles... not an easy chore under the influence of anger~! Best Wishes~! Gus

The best I can do in situations like that is try to take the longer view; it doesn't snow most days so I look at those instead of the few days I have a problem. When the neighbors' dogs dump in my yard, I often just clean it up; it only happens maybe 2-3 times a year? I downgrade it from WWIII to annoyance.

Maybe you can "catch" the guys contractor and go stand on your property shaking your head one of the times it snows? It could be the contractor's doing, the owner of the property isn't the one doing the literal plowing, he could have just told the contractor not to hurt his landscaping; it's he and the contractor's problem, both and if you can get in the way of the contractor, take down the company name, etc. and call and complain, give them a hard time; they're not going to want to lose customers/service because you raise a stink?

Thank you so much for responding, Gus. I guess all that I can do is breathe, feel the emotions in my body, the tension they cause, and work to loosen the grip of the event. He'll probably continue pushing snow onto my property with every storm. Time for "...serenity to accept the things I cannot change...". Having peace is more important than being right.

Thanks Perna for your input. I appreciate it. The guy's a friend of the neighbor, I've been told, not a real company. I can only hope that next time, I happen to see him. Aside from keeping constant vigilance, not good for my sanity, there's probably not much I can do. I just pray the growing pile doesn't completely block my view of traffic. It is a busy street, though residential. I'm trying to just let this go, the more I do, the better for my nerves and soul. Thanks again.

I am stunned that the police wouldnt at least say something to the neighbor, because he was CAUSING an unsafe condition and a possible traffic hazard!! An accident could easily happen just by your going out of your driveway!! On a good day it sounds like your driveway could be dangerous -- and then this idiot has to put a mound of snow to make it impossible for you to see!!!

I sure would hate to have YOUR police department. At least here, they would have said something to him. You just don't mess with other people's property here. Sheeesh! That makes me mad!

Thanks Leed. I appreciate the support and outrage . The police told me they'd speak to him. It was the day shift, and I told the officer that the neighbor would be at work. The Department was supposed to call me back, but they didn't. I'll call tomorrow to find out what happened, but I'm not expecting much. When it happened last winter, police said that it was a violation to push snow across the street. This winter, this officer said it's a violation to push it into the street.

Here's an update, if anyone's interested: Today, I spoke to the Dep't of Public Works, and got, "Sorry. Call a lawyer". This evening, I by chance met the offending neighbor's next door neighbor. This man told me that he witnessed the plow push the snow across the street and onto my property. He got the plow driver's name and phone number. He contacted the police on his own. What a saint! He said that the police told him that I needed to file a complaint with their dep't. So, I called the dep't. and they had no record of the complaint I already made, or of the officer coming out and speaking with me. Arrrgghh!

But, they send out the officer who had met with the good samaritan neighbor, and HE was sympathetic. He remembered "the 15 ft. pile" on my property from last winter. He gave a strong warning to the driver and my neighbor. This evening, I finally saw the plow driver and spoke to him, assertively, not abusively. I don't think he'll be shoving the snow onto my property again.

That's AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm really happy to hear this!!!! I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when the police officer issued a warning to your crappy neighbor!!! Great news!!! (((((((((((lavie))))))))))

Hello, lavieenrose. What good news.

Thanks Sundog and Byz for your support.

Good job lavieenrose......

I know how stressful it feels to know that you are in the right & have been wronged & feel there is just no way to get the wrong righted. Always hope for those good samaritans.....glad you have a neighbor who ended up being your good samaritan & was able to help you find the path to resolving the problem. Know the path from something happening to being able to resolve it is very stressful, as the mind initially hurts as if we aren't able to resolve first & not until we actually are able to resolve the situation do we feel the relief. Glad you were able to resolve it as letting go feels so very impossible most of the time (at least from my experiences).....for me, it seems like I'm always having to do the letting go.

I was really feeling your stress & your relief in being able to resolve it even for the future.....good feel to know you won't having to be dealing with the same situation yet another year......very good job!!!!

Eskie, thanks so much for your kind comments. It is hard to let go and accept what feels unjust, or accept what is outside my control. It was amazing how it unfolded last night. I kept getting told, "Watch for the plow driver, and get his license #. I saw someone plowing for the house next to the offending neighbor (Carl) and I approached and asked if he also plowed next door. He told me, "No. I own this home. But I saw the plow driver for Carl push the snow onto your property and I called the police. They said you need to file a complaint". I would never have known this. As previously said, the police never logged my complaint, ( ), and only found the file under the nice neighbor's name.

I must admit to a very small act of vindictiveness, or maybe it was a "closing ceremony". This morning, I was on top of the mound of snow that was dumped, shovelling off enough so that I could see oncoming traffic from the bottom of my driveway. One single garden shovel full of snow somehow crossed the street and was deposited in Carl's driveway.

[quote=lavieenrose;1665424]An recent event has left me feeling

I can relate to the feeling try to post a sign so that the person can see it....Do Not Block Drive Way With Snow.If you are there when the plowing is done,come out and talk with the person your self. May be the power is trying to get another customer.... You

snowsnowsnow

or here's a novel thought..it's your property he's putting stuff on. that's called NO TRESSPASSING, VIOLATORS SHOT AT DAWN.... if it was stuff from his cess pool i'm sure your complaint would be heard round the world with ppl saying yea, you go girl!!! well snow is the same, just smells better and he should be held responsible for dumping anything in your yard which includes anyone he hires for a job. that's why they call it your(PRIVATE) property. that's my story and i'm sticking to it. i bet you'd hear about if you dumped your trash in his yard.
yee-haw!

Thanks Snowsnowsnow and Madisgram for your support re this frustrating chapter, which I hope is at a close.