[lynn P.]

This is an extention of my other 'need to share' thread in healthy parenting. We've been having off and on problems with the family down the street, ever since I told the school their daughter touched my daughter inappropriately at school.

The last month the mother has stuck my oldest the middle finger as my girls are waiting for the bus in the morning. My youngest wasn't looking at the time. My youngest in on a different bus in the afternoon, so she's let off across the street from our house. She's only 9 and the mother was driving by and boldly stuck her the middle finger at 3:10. To me this is disgraceful.

I called my husband and he said to make a report with the police, since this seems to be an on-going problem. I called and they came right away and said they would warn her. I feel mad and wonder, when it will ever end. I'm not the type to fight dirty and I'm usually a good problem solver but I can't think straight or deal with an unreasonable person. What would you do?

[purple_fins]

I'm so so sorry you and your family are going through this

Is there another bus stop your daughter/s can go to? even if it is a few blocks further-- wouldn't it be worth the extra walk?

I can't believe this mother would act in such a way to any children... ugh.... so upsetting to me.... I... I... get so angry/disturbed inside, I loose my words!!

Please keep in mind that you and your family did NOTHING wrong.... hold tight to that
we are here for you

fins

[lynn P.]

I wish it was this easy fins and I appreciate your words. This bus stop is ideal - right at the end of our driveway for morning and across the street for afternoon. Sometimes she drives them to school and sometimes they take the bus. Since she lives down the street, she needs to drive by my house to get where she's going, so the bus stop not the problem.

I'm hoping the officer warning her to restrain herself will help and if she continues and I keep calling - she could end up being charged with harassment of a minor. They better hope they never see my husband because he can be very scary and it won't be good for them. I also called the school but the principal was gone for the day.

Not sure where you live,but here...during school hours and on the way to and from school the students are answerable (thus the parents)...to the rules and guidelines of the school board.I wonder if you might call the local p.d and ask for suggestions.This behavior from an adult to a child is intolerable.There are laws against harassment.Find out from a free law counsil if you would have a case.I don't mean to sue them...but if there are laws that govern over this type of situation...you could have them notified of harassment charges being an option.Lord I hope your husband doesn't have to be involved Lynn.Remind him that these people will get the rewards of their behavior without him putting hisself in danger of legal accusations.Can you inform us as the situation changes?(((((Lynn)))))P.S I have a very strong belief in karma.They will surely reap what they sow.~W~Also please make notes on the date and times of anything having to do with this situation.That will go a looong way if it is ever needed.

[lynn P.]

Thank you for the great advice wolfie - you made very helpful suggestions. I will keep everyone informed. I would rather her give me the finger, than do it to little kids.

(((((((lynn)))))))

this sounds like an awful situation to have to deal with and i'm sorry it happened to your daughter. at this point i wonder if backing off might be better. it seems the mother and kids are blatantly trying to upset you and your daughters, so by not responding to their baiting you will not be encouraging their inappropriate behavior. it does seem when you respond in any fashion they end up escalating things. because they are getting a response they see they are upsetting all of you, and are relishing it, and so continue doing it. if they get no response from here on out they will likely decrease their behavior over time because they won't be getting the response they want.

i say this as someone who was teased for all of 3 days in high school. i don't know why some kid decided to pick on me in homeroom as i'd never been picked on before. i completely ignored him and didn't respond at all and after 3 days he was bored with it and never bothered me again. internally, i was pretty freaked out but i didn't let it show at all. it takes 2 to have a fight so if you bow out then they will hopefully just leave you alone eventually. my concern if things continue as is for your family is one of you is going to start getting restraining orders or contact lawyers and this is going to be an even bigger mess.

[lynn P.]

Thank you for your post bloom3 and I agree ignoring/not reponding does work for many bullying situations. The mother gave the finger to my 13 yr old 3 times and we didn't do anything - daughter just stood there. The straw that broke the camels back was when she did it to my 9 yr old. In my mind my 13 yr old can handle herself - she a brown belt in karate and is as tall as the mother - she's stronger in my mind. But it's scary and intimating for my 9 yr old to be getting off the bus, walking to the house and have the mother do this. This is direct intimidation of a child. Not 2 kids who are having a problem, but a grown woman behaving in an intimidating way to a child.

Since she didn't appear to be backing down, even though we weren't responding, I made the decision to ask the police, what to do. They told me, this isn't something to let slide and they wanted to go to her house and give her a warning and they did.

Yesterday there was a surprising turn around by the family. Their daughter came to school and gave my daughter a nice card, friendship bracelet and eraser. The card said "lets have a 'do over' and can we be friends again" and the eraser said 'do over'(cute). So I guess they decided to end it and I'm happy they did - my daughter was more than happy to accept this gesture and reciprocated by giving the girl a card saying "I agree to a do over and being friends again". The older sibling isn't bothering my daughter either. I'm happy the girls have settled this and can now go back to interacting peacefully at school. I feel happy and glad it ended positively.

When this 1st happened I let the principal handle it and the girls were fine. Then the mom came to my door and I was kind and reassuring to her, but it went progressively downhill from there. I believe it would be long fogotten, if it was left up to the principal and the girls.

Woof!! Happy dance...Woot Woot!!

[lynn P.]

Thanks for the "woof" ((wolfie)) - we'll both do the happy dance.

[shezbut]

(((lynn P.)))

How horrible this mother has been behaving!! Great message to be sending her own children ~ that giving the finger is the way to work through problems? Ridiculous

It is wonderful to hear about the woman's daughter gesture to yours. How nice!! Maybe she's seeing her mother's behavior as being sad and embarassing for herself. I sure remember my family members embarassing me when I was that age (and up).

I hope that everything continues to settle down.

[lynn P.]

Thank you ((shezbut)) for your post.

lynn, this is great news. i'm really happy for you. i didn't realize the mom had flipped your daughters off 3 times. wow, just wow. i can't imagine a parent doing that to a child. i'm more than happy to be wrong on this. so glad they have finally come to their senses and the card and bracelet were a very nice gesture. i have been praying for a good outcome for all of you.

[lynn P.]

Thanks (((bloom3))) - you're not wrong at all. Many times 'ignoring' really does work because bullies love the reactions they get from people. Looks like your prayers helped - thank you for the prayers and your advice here/other threads.