[ConfusedSister]

I gave a brief story in my introduction thread and I should just cut and paste, but I found out a little over a year ago that I have a brother. My Dad had an affair many years ago and never told anyone. I'm 38 years old now. I lived my entire life to this point as an only child. It was seriously emotional when I first found out. I think I experienced every emotion possible.

Once I did that, I have come to settle with happiness. I'm very happy to have a brother in my life now. As a kid, I didn't mind being an only child even though it got lonely at times. But as an adult, it's been very lonely and to me, finding out about my brother has been the best gift possible. I feel like some part of me was missing and now that void has been filled.

I have no ill feelings for my Dad. That was a time in his life where he was not the same person and I'm just not a judgemental person. I've never walked a day in his shoes, so who am I to judge? To me, it's a gift. I was given a brother.

Here's the problem. My Mom is very ill. Finding out about this could kill her, so we've all agreed to keep this to ourselves. Not tell anyone, cause we do not want it getting back to her. I certainly do not want that. This is where I am so conflicted. The best gift has been given to me that I really want to share, but for the sake of my Mom's health, I cannot. I have only been able to tell a few close friends and my children and husband. None of my husbands family knows, none of our friends (except the few close ones) and I'm sad.

I want to be able to shout from the rooftops how happy I am. I want to be able to call him my brother and not my friend. I have a new neice and I can't even brag about being an Aunt or I get questions from my in laws or people who know I'm an only child.

His whole family knows about me so I don't have to hide on his side. But he can't say anything on my side. We have facebook and we have to refer to eachother as friends. I've grown to really love him and his family and I don't know how to deal with the bottled up emotions. I've kept a diary from the first day and so far this has been my best outlet, it it's just not enough. I hate secrets, I hate keeping something so wonderful to myself.

[Leed]

How wonderful to find you have a brother after all these years! Indeed, that is a gift. I understand your needing to share this with everyone. Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE that your Mother doesn't know??? Sometimes the woman is NOT the last to know. She might know more than you think she knows -- and she may have kept it secret all this time for YOUR sake. lol

But, you can't be sure. If she is so ill, you're going to have to keep it quiet I'm afraid. It's unfortunate you can't throw a big party for your brother ~ but you can't do that at your Mom's expense.

How sad that society makes us keep these things secret. It's not the child's fault ~ we seem to be very backwards in a lot of ways.

Just enjoy your dear brother as a "friend" where you need to, and embrace him as a brother where you can. I guess it's a small price to pay for your Mother's wellbeing. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

i agree with leed.
as for keeping secrets sometimes it is the only choice we have. in the interest of your mom it's a small price to pay. i assume later you can shout your good news from the rooftop!!!! it is so wonderful you know you have a sibling and that you've taken him into your heart. i am so happy for you.