So Screwed Up!

I don't know where best to post this, but I had to post it somewhere. I tried the internet dating thing and found 2 different sites with men interested in me. I confided in one of my sisters about what was going on and she wrote me this VERY long e-mail about how wrong it was. She told me that if I didn't close my accounts with these sites that she would tell my parents (which I didn't want to happen - at all!) I followed her wishes/orders and now I feel so alone and empty! She did suggested going to a local singles group run by a church and I will try that, but it is just going to take too long to find Mr. Right! I want so badly someone that will love me as I am and will take care of me! I just was so stupid to believe that I could find real love on the internet. Just feeling very sad now.

I see no reason to feel bad about internet dating. There are plenty of people who have met their spouses that way. It's an acceptable way to meet people these days. I don't know if you're from a religious family with particular moral views on this. It is important to be very careful and savvy, however, as people can easily misrepresent themselves online. You certainly wouldn't want to meet someone for the first time in a secluded setting. I'm on the verge of trying online dating again. I did it maybe 5 years ago briefly. There are nice people and not so nice people everywhere. No guarantee. I'd hope that you wouldn't be overly influenced by your family, though I don't know how old you are. I also wonder what you mean by being taken care of by a man. It's important to be able to take care of yourself, whether in a relationship or not. Just my two cents.

I think it was unkind of your sister to "threaten" you with telling your parents (and worrying them). You all are adults and should be able to work together to help one another or at least talk to one another respectfully.

Do you belong to any other groups outside your home or engage in other activities? I would make a list of possible places to meet eligible men in your area (take a continuing ed class at the community center or community college?) or do some volunteering outside the home if possible so you meet more people.

I would encourage you to focus on meeting your own needs....I'm no relationship expert, but I've heard that in healthy relationships both people are able to take care of themselves. It's not very healthy to expect a partner to take care of you and meet all of your needs. It just doesn't work that way.

I hope that you can find the strength to learn good self-care, and then someday find an equally healthy partner to share your life with.