[Lexi232]

It appears i wont be getting a T or pdoc due to their stupid rules of having to walk in to get assessed then i can have an appointment. and my transportation wont take me unless they can call and confrim and appointment, and the mental health place dont make appointments for the assessments.
Then its also on a first come first serve basis. and i'm never good with any of that stuff. I'm always picked last, i'm always a looser who dont win anything in contests or competitons. so.. that is discuraging as well.

i honestly believe i had a "nervous breakdown" the otherday.. and today i'm just now starting to come around and not being so detached and "dissocated" from myself. i ate a little today for the first time in almost 2 days as well. and the depression just hurts so bad in my chest and stomach area.. i've thought of si might fix things, but it would be merely just to fix things and not try to over do it, and then i know i cant do that because i'm on meds that make my blood thin and it takes a long time just for a pimple to stop bleeding.
i've thought maybe i could do some homework and get things out, but i dont know what would work. I dont have any of my old therapy homework papers (which suxs), and i dont even feel like searching much on the internet to even try to find anything.
I just want to get past this safely... and i'd rather no meds for it, but it seems my wish for that is gonna happen just because i cant get in to see a t or pdoc.
i guess my question is... 1 how do i stop the dreams i've had every night since of where i wake up crying just because i'm having a dream of when i was shaking and crying and zoned out like. (i normally never dream of any actual memories. even the rough memories i have, those only have attitudes of people or objects of scarey things... or something.. never the identical memory. ) anyways how do i stop these, so i can stay asleep when i'm actuallly able to fall asleep.
and 2.. what is it that people normally do to help them past something like this? if i was in therapy they'd prolly tell me to do something.. i just dont know what that something would be...