[screamout]

Hi. I had no idea where to post this so I hope its in the right place. My main question is how can I learn to adjust to change better?

I have a nervous system disorder that causes me a lot of pain that started when I was 11. At that time in your life you're starting to be more independant but because of my condition I was needing more help. I've gotten to the point that I'm bed bound unless my mom helps me get in my wheelchair. I missed out on all the normal growing up experiences because of this. I feel like I'm 24 with the brain of an 11 year old.
I've always had trouble adjusting to change, my mom could tell even before I was born, but now that I've missed out on so much of life I know when I get better, I'm going to have major problems rejoining the world. Are there anythings I can do to practice so it'll be easier when the time comes?
I also need help with it now. I've become very dependant on my mom because of the care I need and in that time we've grown even closer. We spend a great deal of our time together and there is really no one else in my life besides my brother. My mom has been going out with her friends more and is currently on an overnight trip and I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with it. I know she needs time for herself and to have fun but I feel kind of rejected by her and I can't handle the change in our routine. Everything is different when she's gone and its very traumatic.
To make matters worse I have ocd and severe anxiety so I can't get my mind to stop going to the very worse senarios of what could happen while she's away. I've been having panic attacks all day and nothing is helping. My brain won't stop picturing all of these horrible things that could happen. I've tried every breathing technique and distraction I can think of.
I feel guilty for wishing my mom wouldn't leave and have fun, I feel guilty that she's had to devote so much of her life to me. I also feel sad or something because it doesn't seem hard for her to leave me. Like maybe if she showed a little bit of hesitation or sadness about it, I wouldn't feel like she just cant wait to done with me. I feel like a horrible daughter.

I feel so immature, a 24 year old shouldn't be panicking and crying because her mom's away for the night! I feel ridiculous and my family doesn't understand. My mom says I need to get over it and the only way she knows how is to go away more so it won't be such a big deal.
She doesn't understand that my brain tells me that since nothing happened last time she went out, that means the chances of something happening next time are even greater which makes her going away more an even bigger deal!

I want to go to a therapist but I can't because of my health. Please help me. I can't keep living like this because theres only going to be more and more drastic changes in my future.
Thank you for time.
p.s- I hope everythign makes sense, I'm crying while writing this.

[Thomas in Ohio]

screamout-
I'm far from an expert at these types of things (plus I'm new here as well), so I really can't do anything but try and beam some positive energy your way.

I'm sure that someone will be along soon that can provide some real help.

In the meantime, at least I can provide a sympathetic ear if you need to talk.

[madisgram]

here's a helpful article. hope it helps...
http://www.ur.umich.edu/9697/Jun11_97/artcl14.htm

Sorry you're struggling so much, Screamout. I know it's hard when you have a physical condition that limits your ability to get out and be in the world, and chronic pain has a way of really wearing a person down emotionally. At the end of your post you commented that you've thought about going to a therapist to deal with your fears and anxieties around the issue of separation from loved ones but you couldn't because of your physical condition. Are you unable to leave your house for medical appointments? I think working with a therapist is an excellent plan and there are therapists who work with individuals who are unable to leave their bed. The place to check is with your local church or religious organization. Or call the local mental health clinic and check with them. I wish you good luck in getting the help you need!