[krazy_phoenix]

Thank you all for writing on this subject. Its something that, albeit a little different in manifestation for me as I'll explain, has been on my mind the last couple of months.

I have, I believe, an excessive emotional tie to certain things too. But for me I see the reason behind it quite matter of fact. I have major memory issues, and I see these 'things' as 'memory substitutes' or even 'memory triggers'. The biggest things I'm having trouble with organising in my mind at the moment are baby clothes that my children have grown out of...and there are LOTS! I know intellectually that the clothes could go to so much use being handed on to charity etc, but i just can't bring myself to do it. I have panic attacks, feelings of dread, etc. As soon as I try, I pick up an outfit and have instant justification of why I should keep it, and put it down. Then I move on to the next piece, same thing. And it goes on... I just can't seem to add to the empty 'give away' pile. I have tried to work myself around this issue by purchasing some tubs, one for each of my children, to put in key pieces of clothing that are really special, like the beautiful needlework handmade pieces by their aunty, and delicate knitted lace and crocheted outfits by their grandmothers and great aunts. These are special one off pieces that have been made with love and will possible be able to be worn by my children's children. I have made peace with keeping these 'keepsakes'. But the rest of the clothes, the mountains of commercial dime-a-dozen little tracksuits/sleepsuits/hats/bootees/mittens etc, I just can't shift. If I see them, I can picture my son wearing them and something he was doing at the time. I put the item down, and the memory is gone again. There is already so much of my boy's life that I don't remember, and he is only 5. To part with these clothes is to say goodbye to those memories for me. How do I find a practical solution for that?

I also have trouble unpacking. I have been 'on the road' for 17 years, never having a place to really settle down. Then 2 years ago, we bought our first house. But, embarrassingly, we are still living out of boxes. I just can't get them unpacked. Some boxes that are piled up in spare rooms, kids rooms, our bedroom, lounge, garage (omg, the garage! thank goodness we don't want to use it for a car!) etc haven't been opened for 17 years! Again, the panic starts, I'm sweating now just thinking about it. And I don't think its the enormity of the task, because realistically there is absolutely no problem in doing one box at a time. I have actually forgotten what is in nearly all the boxes etc for the ones where I've written 'books' but I can't remember the titles!! I've probably bought more of the same books! Wouldn't be the first time thats happened. I think its because I know inside some of the boxes are more memories, and there is a reason I have memory issues, some memories are supposed to stay buried. I don't know what those memories are, and its only been the last few months that I figured out what my aversion to the process could be. Again, I'm stuck to find a practical solution for sorting through this.

My mother was/is a pure minimalist. We had no pictures on teh walls, no decorator pieces on a sideboard, no 'unnecessary obstructions to dust around' as she would put it. So much so that when visitors came, they would ask if we were moving? (because they thought we must have put our stuff in storage). Just the bare essentials. I don't live like that - for starters I have 3 children 5yo and under so that would be virtually impossible , but mum was also a clean freak - we used to say she had a 'bleach addiction'! and again, I don't live like that (see previous reason ). After reading the replies to June's thread, I'm wondering now if growing up in mum's minimalist ways has somehow set up a need to hang on to everything. Mum threw out school work, toys, you name it, bar a few treasures that went into a 'time capsule' box. Now I have these memory issues, I would have loved to have more of my childhood possessions to evoke memories lost. Is that why I want to keep my children's things, in case they forget their past and would want to keep their things for their own reasons. Where do you draw the line?

[Perna]

Hi, Krazy Phoenix. I sort of understand where you are coming from. I had the "opposite" problem though, I never forgot anything. My mother died when I was 3 so I assume I remembered everything to keep it all there/together? Kind of like it sounds like you have forgotten because of your mother's "blankness". My stepmother was too organized, neat/clean too.

I had a lot of therapy which helped me, got to "know" my mother and separate her from my stepmother and get my head organized and my own so I didn't feel so helpless about myself? I got a little bit better every 10-20 years/time I moved, LOL. This last time (2005) I was able to let go of a lot and start "fresh" and I've been pretty good since. I have a corner or two that are difficult but I'm working on them. One thing that helped me was not feeling bad about the mess/way I did/didn't do things. Those are symptoms and are working to help you with mental/emotional problems. Let them. Let them become part of you and know they are helping you? Not carrying around guilt and "shoulds" because of one's mother can help the process a bit. I would try to think of a plan on how to "neaten" the piles, box and label them well instead of totally ignoring them.

The bins sound like a good start and maybe the "current" clothes your kids are wearing; get a cheap camera and take pictures of them in their outfits but get rid of the outfits when they get too small? Maybe start a journal for each child and describe things and take a picture, start to take up less space than the actual item? Even if you could only do every other outfit at first, that would help wouldn't it? I would get a notebook and pick up each baby item and describe the picture you see in your head, the memory. Maybe take a writing class (I took a lot and loved them) and make something of all those memories!

[krazy_phoenix]

Thank you so much Perna, they are great suggestions, and I have taken them on board. Thank you for taking the time to respond, it is much appreciated .
I hope this finds you well, and that all is well in your world,
kp

KP ~ I had a similar upbringing. My mother washed money, dirt had to be disinfected, we had no knicknacks or pictures anywhere. I never thought about that until you mentioned it. Interesting point.

I am agreeing with Perna, about taking pictures of the objects that are giving you the most trouble in sorting into the plastic bins and creating a photo album for them. I have alot of albums with different subjects. Once I got all those sorted out, I put them away in a large plastic tote that had a cover over it and put it out of sight. Overtime, I have been able to part with some of the painful pictures. Occasionally I will open on and glace at some of the pics but for the most part, I leave that container be.

I have been carrying around business manuals that I used that went back to the 1970's. This past Spring, I got a wild hair and walked them to the dumpster and let them go. I have had pangs of regret over doing that because that was my work history for 30+ years I let go. But I knew I would feel this way after they went, so I prepared myself and surprisingly I was able to find the memories stayed with me of my work and I didn't need the manuals to represent my abilities I once had. In otherwords, I didn't have to demonstrate that I had abilities once and to be able to work and what I did for a living anymore. It no longer mattered to me. By learning mindful techniques, I am trying to live more in the present and not live in the past. So, I am wondering if there was something in the past that is still haunting and triggering you and that is what this is all about? If you can't answer this, this is what I do. I am making collages. I tear out pictures from a magazine that represent a possible emotion that I can't face, and paste it on a poster board to start a story of sorts. Now, I have a large sketch notebook and I do a daily journal of my feelings of pictures because I can't write out in a journal, only pictures can represent how I am feeling.

I do understand how hugh the emotions

Originally Posted by krazy_phoenix

Thank you all for writing on this subject. Its something that, albeit a little different in manifestation for me as I'll explain, has been on my mind the last couple of months.

I have, I believe, an excessive emotional tie to certain things too. But for me I see the reason behind it quite matter of fact. I have major memory issues, and I see these 'things' as 'memory substitutes' or even 'memory triggers'. The biggest things I'm having trouble with organising in my mind at the moment are baby clothes that my children have grown out of...and there are LOTS! I know intellectually that the clothes could go to so much use being handed on to charity etc, but i just can't bring myself to do it. I have panic attacks, feelings of dread, etc. As soon as I try, I pick up an outfit and have instant justification of why I should keep it, and put it down. Then I move on to the next piece, same thing. And it goes on... I just can't seem to add to the empty 'give away' pile. I have tried to work myself around this issue by purchasing some tubs, one for each of my children, to put in key pieces of clothing that are really special, like the beautiful needlework handmade pieces by their aunty, and delicate knitted lace and crocheted outfits by their grandmothers and great aunts. These are special one off pieces that have been made with love and will possible be able to be worn by my children's children. I have made peace with keeping these 'keepsakes'. But the rest of the clothes, the mountains of commercial dime-a-dozen little tracksuits/sleepsuits/hats/bootees/mittens etc, I just can't shift. If I see them, I can picture my son wearing them and something he was doing at the time. I put the item down, and the memory is gone again. There is already so much of my boy's life that I don't remember, and he is only 5. To part with these clothes is to say goodbye to those memories for me. How do I find a practical solution for that?

I also have trouble unpacking. I have been 'on the road' for 17 years, never having a place to really settle down. Then 2 years ago, we bought our first house. But, embarrassingly, we are still living out of boxes. I just can't get them unpacked. Some boxes that are piled up in spare rooms, kids rooms, our bedroom, lounge, garage (omg, the garage! thank goodness we don't want to use it for a car!) etc haven't been opened for 17 years! Again, the panic starts, I'm sweating now just thinking about it. And I don't think its the enormity of the task, because realistically there is absolutely no problem in doing one box at a time. I have actually forgotten what is in nearly all the boxes etc for the ones where I've written 'books' but I can't remember the titles!! I've probably bought more of the same books! Wouldn't be the first time thats happened. I think its because I know inside some of the boxes are more memories, and there is a reason I have memory issues, some memories are supposed to stay buried. I don't know what those memories are, and its only been the last few months that I figured out what my aversion to the process could be. Again, I'm stuck to find a practical solution for sorting through this.

My mother was/is a pure minimalist. We had no pictures on teh walls, no decorator pieces on a sideboard, no 'unnecessary obstructions to dust around' as she would put it. So much so that when visitors came, they would ask if we were moving? (because they thought we must have put our stuff in storage). Just the bare essentials. I don't live like that - for starters I have 3 children 5yo and under so that would be virtually impossible , but mum was also a clean freak - we used to say she had a 'bleach addiction'! and again, I don't live like that (see previous reason ). After reading the replies to June's thread, I'm wondering now if growing up in mum's minimalist ways has somehow set up a need to hang on to everything. Mum threw out school work, toys, you name it, bar a few treasures that went into a 'time capsule' box. Now I have these memory issues, I would have loved to have more of my childhood possessions to evoke memories lost. Is that why I want to keep my children's things, in case they forget their past and would want to keep their things for their own reasons. Where do you draw the line?