[Thomas in Ohio]

Sometimes, I just want to leave.
Drain the pitiful bank account, buy a one-way bus ticket (as far away as I can afford), and just leave.
I'd probably leave a note for the spouse, just to let her know I hadn't been kidnapped (like I'd be so lucky), but beyond that, nothing.

Maybe try and make a clean start somewhere... maybe just drift. I don't know.

To be honest, my wife's probably the only reason that I haven't done it already. I've hurt too many people in my life, and I don't want to hurt anyone else.
Still, I'm just tired, and I just want to go somewhere far away.

Hi Thomas, I hear you, been there myself. When did this feeling to leave start?

Originally Posted by Thomas in Ohio

Sometimes, I just want to leave.
Drain the pitiful bank account, buy a one-way bus ticket (as far away as I can afford), and just leave.
I'd probably leave a note for the spouse, just to let her know I hadn't been kidnapped (like I'd be so lucky), but beyond that, nothing.

Maybe try and make a clean start somewhere... maybe just drift. I don't know.

To be honest, my wife's probably the only reason that I haven't done it already. I've hurt too many people in my life, and I don't want to hurt anyone else.
Still, I'm just tired, and I just want to go somewhere far away.

[Thomas in Ohio]

June_Bug,
I really can't put my finger on it. I know that I've had it in some form for the last couple of years.
It's just started getting worse in the past few months, though.
Job stress, finances, personal life - no one thing really stands out; more like just everything combined.

I've gotten a bit introspective lately, and started looking back on my life. Not a whole lot that I can honestly be proud of. Could be a part of it as well.

Probably just middle-age ruminations.....

[shezbut]

(((Thomas in Ohio)))

I can understand your feeling of desperation. I often fight similar desires. What keeps me going (like it or not) is my 2 daughters. If I didn't have them, I'd happily go.

But, you do have something worth holding onto. Your wife. A person that you love and don't want to hurt.

The guilt does keep me here on Earth in my darker times. In lighter moments, I write down the positives that I can see. Like, nature is beautiful to me. I write about a terrific walk that I took through the country & saw lots of beautiful plants and animals. I avoid watching and reading the news like the plague! The news is waaay too depressing for me to take. I, therefore, also avoid talking about current events. Just try to keep conversations to light subjects. I also see a T regularly and take meds to try to balance my mood better.

I'd recommend trying some (or all) of the techniques listed above, to make it through the hard times. Maybe you should try writing about your emotions, to gain a better understanding of where your emotions are stemming from. And talk about it in T.

Very best wishes to you!

[coastalgirl0279]

I can totally relate. Do you know how many times I get in the CRV in the morning and wonder...am I coming home tonight? Or better yet, just get in this mood where I want to drive...and drive...and drive; mostly, I circle the city, but I have thought about crossing that line; wondering if re-starting life is really as simple as they make it on TV. I can't, I have a son; HE is what keeps me here. HE is my reason for staying. My mother left me when I was three. I was afraid of becoming her; I did not want to become her; I wanted to be better than her. So I stay and I endure. So if I have to pretend by circling the city, until my desire fades away, then I will pretend...but I will not leave.

I'm thinking that nice relaxing, kayak/boat trip would do you a world of good.

[OurLadysTears]

When I've had similar feelings/thoughts, it has always helped to drive somewhere a couple of hours away on my day off. Try exploring something new in an area relatively nearby where you live. It definitely helps uplift my mood. It may just help in your situation and you won't be causing too drastic of a change in your life.