[indigo1015]

I know I haven't written anything on PC in a LONG time, but I really need someone to lean on, as the song goes. I feel really depressed and hopeless these days - living and studying in Florence, Italy, was a remarkable experience, and I really pushed myself to do the best job I possibly could. Happily, I think I had a lot of successes there. However, to come back home to a jobless existence with no likely prospects is depressing. What's also depressing is that I have learned that, for my particular work in my field, I may need to get a second Bachelor's degree. Depressing. Also, despite the fact that I am exercising a lot more than I used to, and eating much healthier, I have found that, according to the BMI scale, I am obese. That's really depressing. My doctor tells me that it's partially due to my hypoactive thyroid and the antidepressants that I take, but in a way that makes me feel worse. I mean, I'm willing to go the extra mile (no pun intended) to have a healthier lifestyle, but if it means I will still have trouble losing weight, I honestly feel like a pathetic failure. All this makes me feel like some hideous monster (despite the fact that tonight, I went on a very successful date). I feel unlovable, despite the fact that people tell me otherwise. I just feel like crying, even though I refuse to. I would feel a lot better if there was someone out there who knew what I was going through, and would just be able to provide a cyber-hug or a shoulder to (internally) cry on. I'm not suicidal, and I refuse to return to self-mutilation. But that doesn't make it any easier.

[Leed]

I don't doubt that the job situation is adding to your depression. Things are awful "out there" and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier to find a job.

But DON'T let this throw you into a self-doubting state. These 'tables' and graphs & studies about who is obese and who isn't really GRIND me! Who's to say who needs to lose weight & who doesn't?? Who makes the "rules?" BAH. I'm not buying into it. If you feel healthy and you ARE healthy, that should be good enough. Who wants to look like those anorexic women in the magazines? Most men like women with a little meat on their bones!!

You are NOT hideous -- you're NOT ugly or unloveable!!! You're a decent, hard-working person who is depressed at the moment. If you aren't already on one, it might be a good idea to get on an anti-depressant -- even if it's just temporary until things improve. I've been on one for years, and I can say that it helps me immensely!!! I hate to think the shape I'd be in without it. Talk to your doctor.

I wish you the very best -- and hope things start looking up for you. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Sunna]

Hypothyroidism is so prevalent these days, and yes it will make your metabolism sluggish. And antidepressants only add to it.

I have a suggestion for you, which you should feel totally free to ignore, to research increasing your intake of iodine. The Japanese diet averages 12mg of iodine, U.S. RDA is caclulated to barely prevent the goiter, and does not do it well enough. At the same time we are being flooded by other halides: fluoride and bromide, neither of them does our bodies any good. There are few cases where increasing iodine, either through Lugol's solution drops or dietary sources can have terrible effects, but not for most of us.

The medical establishment is very much against it, and would have us believe that if we ingested as much as Japanese do, we would suffer from heavy metal poisoning, so the element our bodies need is bad, but its relatives that actually ARE poisons we are being force fed daily. Hmmm....

Anyway, I do encourage you to do your own research. There is plenty of pro and plenty of con. I have been taking 5 drops 2% Lugol's solution a day w/o ill effects for 1.5 years. I noticed increased energy when I started and my TSH dropped by half (it was through the roof!) within the first week. If you are taking thyroid supplements you need to go very, very, very carefully, like start with 1 drop a day. Have your thyroid hormones re-tested (full panel, not just T3 & T4, they need to also check the pituitary's TSH, and something, forgot what's it called, it measures re-absorbtion).

This site contains info on how to deal if you start experiencing detoxing reactions: http://breastcancerchoices.org/iprotocol.html

[Sunna]

I also want to tell you a story.

If you hike in the mountains it happens all the time, and I am pretty sure you've run into it. You are hiking up the hill and you look up and see the top, the crest of the hill. It's still ways up, but with each step you are getting closer, you huff and puff, and finally arrive there... only to find out that what you thought was a top, was merely a fold of the terrain, you can see another top, and who knows, maybe there is more up after it as well. You feel deflated, down, tired, disappointed. Perhaps you feel discouraged and wonder if you have it in you to keep on going. So you rest for a while, you sip some water, nibble your energy bar, maybe stretch out for a few minutes and watch the clouds, and then you resume hiking. Not because you have to, but because, after all, you want to get to that top, and may as well.

So that's how I see it with you finding that just when you thought you were done, you find you need to study as much again.

And you know what, with economy as it is, might as well keep on studying.