[moonbeam2]

today didnt start off good some have read why,& the day just spireled out of control i started think in oct it will be a yr i left work cause my illness im not shure ill be abel to go back anytime soon ,my mom passed away 3 yrs ago she was sick with cancer i had a uncle that was also sick with cancer ,when i was alittle girl he molested me for many yrs ,,my dad was a hard drunk violent in my eyes he would come home & throw plates of dinner at the wall that my mom heated up for him if he was in a bad mood & he stole a jutbox out of a bar on my birthday that my mom took me to that bar to try to get him to come home cause it was my b day he would sleep in his car for days woke up went to bars & slept in car ect he would always say a man gotta do what a man gotta do my mom was a good house wife she was a drunk & took pills that i beleave she was self medicating because when i was diagnosed she said if onley she had the right doc things may have been different for her i was pretty sick at the time she was so the quility time spent wasent there because i was trying to raise 2 little boys & deal with was going on with me when i was 35 i was 302 mental instatute ,i tried really hard to read all i can & do what needed to be done so i had a decision to make weather or not to bring up the fact that i was sexually abused by my uncle i made the decision to tell my parents 1 of the reasons i never said anything as a little girl was cause my dad was mean & mom had to raise 6 kids my dad probably would have killed my uncle if he found out he never thought of consiquinses & he would go to jail i would think what would my mom do with 6 kids well when i came out with the truth my dad wanted me to take a lie detector test i told him hell no he got on the phone with my husband & repeatidly asked him when i told him & why he never said anything to them about this & my husband said it was my story to tell & he respected that they did try to blam it on my bp anyway my dad went up to my uncle house & spit him in his face & slapt him he never gave me the choice to confront him myself my aunt talked to me & basically thought i asked her why then did my uncle stop comming to family functions then & i told her the reason was my husband confronted him about the insident & told him he is never to come near me again that ment family functions so he stopted comming for what ever reason my brain is reliveing these night mares as if it were just yesterday & im asking myself did i do the right thing or should i just kept it to myself at the time i thought if i get this secret off my chest i will feel better to this day i still dont know if i did the right thing but i wanted him to know before he died that i told on him & he didnt get away with it he never did say it was true why i am thinking of this now i have no idea i feel as though my brain hates me or i dont even know i try so hard to make things right i love to saport people on here it makes me feel like i have a good purpose in life but when i build myself up just alittle just enough to put a smil on my face it backfires twice as bad i really dont know if i can go on anymore i really dont off the subject alittle my neighbors mulch caught fire from someone throwing a cigg on it i seen it when i was leaveing my house today i ran in got kids & put the fire out i thought that was my good deed for today & right after that is when it all went down hill i went to food store &had a sevar panic attack & had to run & hide in the bathroom till i was abel to calm down the thoughts took over & i couldent handel them i dont know what to do anymore good thing i see my T tomarrow ! just had to vent thanks for being there i really hope i make it! the cycle bp is more than i can handel

[Open Eyes]

(((((((((moonbeam2))))))))
What you are describing here is PTSD symptoms, that is what happens. It is all about doubt and anxiety and flashbacks and emotions coming out that can be overwhelming and hard to control and confusing. It can ease up a little and then for what seems no reason hit you again with awful feelings.

You need to bring this up with your therapist because he should know you have PTSD and he needs to help you with it.

Open Eyes